h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

today is not a good day. I've had worse days, but this is the worse day since i went on the anti-deppressants. I wish i could curl up in a little ball and make the world go away. I wish the crap in my head would stop, and i could be at peace. I am wondering if i shouldn't be on a higher dose, i've been getting down alot more in the past week. the other day i caught myself having the images that i used to get, i haven't had those in a while. they are disturbing. It's like flashes of scary images where people are being stabbed, there's lots of blood and pain. sometimes it's me doing the stabbing, sometimes it's just happening by itself. sometimes it's the person in front of me that's being hurt, and sometimes it's someone i love, and i have no control over it. i don't know what it means. But it hurts inside, it makes me feel guilty and bad, and sure that there must be something wrong with me. i'm glad it doesn't happen so much any more, but i want to know why it happened the other day when i thought i was happy. I want to stop worrying about myself and concentrate on just being myself. i feel so stupid and arrogant, it hurts.

If you’re feeling in despair or suicidal, it could make all the difference to talk to someone about how you are feeling. You could talk to your GP/family doctor, or to someone who is trained to help? Medical professionals and counsellors are there to help you deal with the problems that you are experiencing.
Please try to speak to your GP, or talk to someone at the Samaritans, you can call or email the Samaritans at any time. The Samaritans’ contact details are:
The Samaritans
Telephone: 08457 90 90 90
Website: http://www.samaritans.org/index.html
Email: [email protected]

thanks. today is a better day. I have already been to my doctor, and i am on anti-deppressants and seeing a councillor (and i have the samaritans number - not a good sign) but thanks, if someone had suggested this earlier then maybe i would have gone to my doctor several years ago. as it is i am only able to write about it now that it's not a secret and actually is definately happening to me. I'm better on anti-deppressants, but there are still bad days