h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was awoken at 3:45 this morning by a knock on my bedroom door. My dad had gotten up for whatever reason and heard a loud knocking on out front door.

There were 3 police officers there who asked if he had a son name Christofer, he answered "I have a grandson with that name" he comes and wakes me up saying that the police were, something about Christofer.

Turns out that Christofer was dead set on living with his mother and decide to start walking. Some lady saw him walking along the road (in the opposite direction of my ex, she called the police and then followed him in her car.

I called his mother at work, she came and we talked, she's not happy with the situation either. She told him point blank that there is no way he is coming to live with her now because that would now be a reward.

Obviously, I am very upset with this situation. Not angry upset, tears upset. Words can't even begin to describe my feelings right now. I'll stop now because anything else is just rambling.

....what a very sad situation, all I can really suggest is the three of you sit down together and talk about it....it may have been a spur of moment thing, and not really meant. That is all I can suggest really.

It sounds like your ex handled the situation wisely. Was your son angry with you for some reason? I'd be worried sick if one of my kids took off in the middle of the night.

....yes I agree, he could have been upset in a small way about something you didn't even realise he was upset about, we all make snap decisions we regret later, I sometimes do.

He's been wanting to go live with her for awhile. He knows that she and I have talked about the subject, he also knows that she cannot take him now. I don't know what the issue is, he dodges around it and gives answers we know know are not true.

.....perhaps he will tell a third party, not you or your ex?

I agree with STRANGEDUDE, perhaps it's time for counseling.

.....perhaps even just a friend/family member might help?
.....sorry, going to be away for 24 hours now, best of luck, and best wishes.

A year ago the Stepson's sister, then aged 14, ran away from home. The long and the short of it is that her inquest is to be held in November.

The reason I am hitting you hard with this GDZ is because her father refused to acknowledge that both children were so badly damaged by the fallout from their separation that they needed counselling, and there were only so many times I could suggest it. He and his g/f seemed to think that they should be able to handle it all within the family.

Within a few weeks of the girl being murdered, her father did finally arrange counselling for her brother, but it is hard not to think that it is too little, too late.

So if nothing else comes out of A's death, please learn from it, and arrange confidential counselling for your son.

B

Zomnker, I have to agree that some counseling is in order. Christofer's problem could be a desire to change schools, a conflict with other household members, or even a feeling that the divorce was his fault and he needs to take care of his mother. Or something you haven't even considered. It's really important to get him to open up about it. Is there a school counselor you could talk to to get the ball rolling?

Now that I've had a couple more hours of sleep, thankyou all for the advice/comments. Counselling has been the plan for awhile, it just hadn't happened. My fault. He had been seeing the school counselor for divorce counselling through last school year, I thought he was doing ok. Then this happens, obviously he isn't doing as well as I thought.

My plans for this week (monday and tuesday really) are to talk to his teacher, the pastors at church, and his pediatrician. I have to talk the pediatrician to get a referral to a psychiatrist/psychologist.

Any other advice, please let me know. I'm still rather in shock from this.

*listens to B's advice and nods sagely*

I know you're putting a lot of effort into disciplining your kids because you love them. But maybe sometimes they feel the critism more strongly than the feel the love.

Do you have fun together, take them somewhere special as a reward for doing well?

But then again I don't know your children, or even know much about children really. One of the things my Dad found the most difficult about being a single father was that he didn't have friends in the same situation as him because he didn't have that many female friends who had children our age. Do you know anyone who has children who are a simailar age to yours that you could talk things over with?

I am so incredibly glad that counselling is in the plan, GDZ.

Let us know what you decide, and what happens.

B

First of all Zomnker - have a
Being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs there is. Sometimes we strive to be 'The Best Parent' - which is a hard thing to live up to.
Long ago, I came to the conclusion that being 'Good Enough' is actually good enough.
Counselling seems like the way to go. C may be able to talk more openly with someone who is several paces removed from the situation;
children often feel that they are responsible for anything happens in a family.

.....hi, back again, you can never go wrong if you tell someone you love them, and worry about them, even if your son thinks he is all grown up, it is still nice to hear it, I expect he is feeling a little insecure with you 2 splitting up.
Hope you are feeling a little better about situation, it is easy to forget about yourself in these situations.

Ok GDZ.
I have to say that its a dificult situation now, but it could easily become volotile in the children's teenage years. I do happen to know some of the best counsellors in the city and would gladly intoduce them to you.

I have been in counceling, off and on, most of my life and the one thing I can say about it is that your in for the long haul on this one. Don't go expecting a quick fix or even a fix within the next year or so. Problems relating to this could continue to crop up for several years to come.

I'm here if you need me.

Cyde

*puts up hand*

Me, I wouldn't be as sane as I am now without counselling. Mr Cyde's right, you may well be in for a long-haul, but that needn't be a bad thing.

B

I have your number Cyde, I'll give you a call. Hopefully some of these counsellors take the insurance I have.

Speaking of insurance, I need to call them and see if I have to have a referral.

Chris has an appointment for Sept. 1 at 0845. This means he will be missing school as the appt is supposed to go until approx. 1100 and we have to take the bus both ways. Unless I can get his mother to go, she has a car.

Good! That really is good news GDZ. The first step is often the hardest.

This is more important than school - though it would be better if follow-ups could be outside school time.

Good luck!

Ben