h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Got a call from the ex tonight while I was at Marv's grilling some steaks. Ok, we had finished eating and the ex calls. The convo goes somewhat like this:

"me: what's up?

her: I need to bring the kids home tonight

me: why?

her: some money of my dad's has come up missing and the kids are being blamed. btw, can you take William too?

me: yeah, I can."

She called again ten minutes later.

"me: hello.

her: Are you home?

me: no, I'm just leaving Marv's and will be home in about 20 minutes.

her: When you get home, will you write up a document that says I am giving you custody of the kids?

me: That will take me more than just a few minutes."

So, she brings the kids over and I let her know that I won't be able to take William on a full time basis because the other kids are finally starting to get use to the idea of living without mommy all the time and throwing him back into the mix will undo everything we have done to this point.

Don't get me wrong, if I could take him in I would but I don't see myself being able to right now. He is an extremely difficult child to work with and the other kids would suffer a very noticible decrease in attention.

There are also the matters of he is too old for the daycare the other 2 are in and that I have no legal right to him.

I talked to William and explained my take on the situation:

1) That his grandfather is a fairly trusting and emotional person and that when he feels wronged he often sas something he does not mean.
2) That more than likely, no promises, he (William) will be back with his mom tomorrow (monday) night. No promises.
3) He is not responsible in anyway for what his grandfather feels.
4) That we will find a solution to this problem.

I sent my stepson to bed and told him that if he needs to talk, come talk to me. He shows up 5 minutes later with this question:

"What will happen to me if you cannot find a place for me to go?"

The only answer I could come up with is this: "No need to worry about that right now."

I know that it is not a fair answer and that he will worry regardless but, I don't know what else I could have said.

So, the situation is thus:
1) Some money came up missing at the ex's place.
2) The ex's father does not want any of the children, effectively leaving my stepson no place to live.
3) I do not feel able to take on the care of my stepson.
4) The ex has no other place to live right now except with her dad.
5) William's biological father has not been heard from in several months.
6) William wants to know what's going to happen to him if we cannot find a solution to the issue at hand, where he is concerned.


I am really hoping that we can find a solution to this problem. Poor William has been moved around so much in his 11 years, he doesn't know what a home truly is and is really lacking in confidence right now (more than usual).

Willy did say something to me tonight before I left your place... He said that he got kicked out of his house. That boy needs some love right now, and I am not sure that he is at all likely to get it in his current situation.

Just my take on it brother, you know I'm here for you.

Thank you Marv, not sure what I can do/am able to legally do. I will do what I can though.

From your description of the situation, it sounds like the biggest issue is your ex's father doesn't want the children around but will let his daughter live with him. That is just flat out unacceptable as the woman has 3 kids. Is there a long term woman's shelter nearby that can help? There is one near me that allows women with children to stay for up to 24 months while they transition to independence.

I suggest you contact your local social services to find out what is available that might help this situation.

I'm just blown away by your Ex's father's attitude. I can't imagine ever turning out an 11 year old grandchild.

It makes me wonder what kind of nurturing your Ex received in her formative years. It especially makes me happy that she wants to turn over custody to you. Children need security.

There are family shelters here, too. A city as large as Salt Lake must have a program for women with children. Just make sure you get her name on the dotted line giving you complete custody of your kids before you get her into the program - so she doesn't try to get them back.

> The only answer I could come up with is this: "No need to worry about that right now."

But he obviously is worrying, and if his life has been that unsettled that might be the reason he needs so much attention. If I were you I would tell him that there will *always* be a place for him to go, and even though it might not be with you and you're not sure where it will be, you and his mother will make sure he is with someone who loves him and takes care of him.

I don't think kids are concerned so much with the place where they are staying as they are who they are staying with. He needs to know he won't be left alone.

Thanks all. You have given me things I had not know to think about. The situation is as you describe it d'E, he is worried but does know there is love for him in my house.