h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I had a visitor last night, I'll call her S, I have known for a couple of years but don't really consider a friend because I really don't know her all that well. Anyway, we were having conversation when out of nowhere we're kissing, things progresseed from there.

Here's my quandry: while it was good to let go of some stress in a sexual way, I am now certain that even a sexual relationship is not in the cards with this girl. It just plain did not feel right afterwards, I felt the way I did the last couple of times we simply hung out and this is not a good thing, especially for her.

How do I tell S that I cannot be involved with her without it coming across as "life sucks and then you die"? I am open to any and all suggestions.

My first reaction was to .

But after a bit of consideration, I think you should be as honest as possible as soon as possible. Tell her that while it was enjoyable experience at that moment, in hindsight you realize it was a mistake. Be prepared to answer why in a delicate way.

But you really shouldn't listen to me. I haven't dated anyone in over 25 years.

That was more or less the decision I had come to. It's a matter of wording it right.

I'm another person terribly out of the loop about dating - especially modern dating. But, treating her with respect and consideration would seem very important at this point. Whatever you do, don't just try to avoid her without any explanation. That would be cruel indeed. Good luck.

Be kind - but definite; don't let your desire not to hurt her feelings obfuscate the message that you don't want a relationship with her.


I hope you find the 'right' girl soon.

Apologies for butting in... but then I don't actually know who any of you anagrammatised people actually normally ARE, so I'm wading in here.



The only question I'd ask is - was the sex any good?

If the sex was actually BAD (and it's gotta be pretty bad to qualify as bad) then yes, honesty is the best policy because who wants to have sex with someone who's bad at it?

But... if the sex was *good*, or even indifferent, surely you want more of it? You don't *have* to have a relationship with someone just because the two of you are having sex. In your position I'd just carry right on treating her as you did before, no more, no less, and if you end of having sex again, great. And if you don't, equally great. But if she starts criticising your taste in curtains, point out, quickly, that hey, it's not like she's your girlfriend or something. And if she gets indignant and asks what the having sex was all about, point out that it was about having sex, and anything more than that was stuff exclusively happening in *her* head.

Be realistic. Do you *owe* her anything? Do you *care* about her? If so, by all means be all bleeding heart and considerate. But if she is, as you say, a passing acquaintance, carry on boffing her until she won't let you any more. Why not?

SoRB
Not misogynistic - misanthropic, actually.

So, I finally talked to her tonight. We played a bit of phone tag and when we finally talked, she told me the same thing, that she was not comfortable with where things went.

Sorry to butt in too.
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Hmm, how about treating people with a little consideration and respect?

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Yeah right!

Glad it worked out for you both CDMD. Talking is the best thing.



Alex.

"carry on boffing her until she won't let you any more"
...
"how about treating people with a little consideration and respect?"

That IS consideration and respect!

It *considers* her desire to be boffed some more, and *respects* her eventual decision not to be boffed any more.

What more could a girl want?

SoRB

Isn't boffing a great word?

Not used it for ages.


Glad things are OK.

I know a new word!

So, have you and S gone back to being friends? Or do you avoid each other?