h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

..but should I have Earl Grey or Rooibos?

Erm erm oooh the pressure.

Haven't you got an Jasmine Pearl?

Neither of those is tea by mine (or Douglas')definition

What if your son is intent on murdering it. Does it count then?

Earl Grey is now available. I shall have one of those.
(I have got used to the Rooibos stuff now - it's not bad really...)

(Oh yes it is)

It may not be bad (though I would prefer plain water myself) but it certainly isn't tea

Meanwhile, if you ever meet a communist, remember to offer them herbal tea. They believe proper tea is theft.

*bangs head on desk repeatedly*

This from Marcel berlins in today's Guardian:
"The desiderata for foreigners wishing to become British, as listed by Ruth Kelly and Liam Byrne, contain an important omission, as I know from personal experience. I was stateless, having managed to mislay two nationalities, and was applying for a third, British. My two interrogators from Scotland Yard were unimpressed with my barely furnished flat - they had to sit on deckchairs - and started to question me stiffly and sternly about my work, income and political past (minimal). I offered them a cup of tea. They looked at each other gloomily and accepted politely, with obvious reluctance. They took a few sips. "Very nice," one said. "A big relief. You've no idea what we get in some of those houses." "We've just come from interviewing a Polish couple by the Elephant and Castle," the other elaborated. "They said it was tea, but I don't believe it." There followed a brief discussion on why "foreigners" - a category which clearly no longer included me - were so incapable of making drinkable cuppas. The rest of the interview passed jovially; my naturalisation followed speedily."
Obviously black tea, then, but did he put the milk in first?