h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Argh. Helen and I split up 2 days ago. She phoned up and said she couldn't cope with the commitment. But she said she still loves me. And I still love her.

Maybe she just needs time to herself.

(And the next person to tell me she's run off with someone else gets - erm, something not very nice. A live toad, that'll do.)

Hey Cutlery it's Giz aka Peter your mate here. Damn was I shocked when she told me about it, before she rang you. I couldn't really say anything I just talked it through with so I knew what was up. It's a real shame both me and Jenna (Helens friend) thought it wasn't fair that she was breaking up with you. Jenna was pretty pissed 'cos she thought you were cute and nice plus a whole bunch of other stuff that I can't remember. Anyways chin up mate! P.S Phone me ASAP

Hey Giz, you finally appeared on h2g2 again! Well, I'm feeling a lot better now, because while I am still irrevocably in love with Helen, my dad's g/f had her baby yesterday, and I've got a baby half-brother now This brother of mine is gonna be like you, Giz, because when he's your age his dad'll be well and truly hexagenarian (ask helen what this means if you don't know )

I'm glad your feelng a little better about it...

Just remember that there is at least another 2,999,999,999 girls out there you haven't tried !!!

Oh, hang-on. I didn't account for demographics

There are at least 1,000,000,000 eligible girls out there your age !!!

Oh, silly me. Some might be, as it were 'batting for the other side'

There surely are some 850,000,000 girls out there just ripe for the picking !!!

Oh no, some of them you wouldn't want to touch with a barge-pole.

There are some 300,000,000 attractive girls out there !!!

This is getting embarrasing, I forgot that love is a mutual thing.

There are some 150,000,000 girls out there that think all your offices are solar powered !!!

Mind you, some people can be quite scary...

There are some 10,000,000 girls out there who fancy you & don't have some kind of major character flaw !!

Again, your probably only likely to meet so many people in a lifetime.

You will probably likely to meet 5,000 girls who fancy you, and they don't have major character flaw, and who you are attracted to !

Mind you, the odds of finding your true soulmate have been calculated at roughly a million-to-one...

So, the chances of finding your true soul mate are in actuality as near to zero as incalcuable. So your just being rather selfish, as most people don't even get the opportunity to blow their big chance, so completely...

* Ponders ' I think, I helped...' *

* Smiles *

- Simply, High Spirited.

Hey! You're the guy who can put this world right where it goes wrong and doesn't, so don't talk to me about being selfish! (You know, I wouldn't have known it at the time, but this Saintly title really suits me.)

* Takes affront at the last statement *

Well I never...Hmppphhtt!... Even us Gods haven't managed to reconcile humanities unlimited wants with finite resources...

- Simply, High Spirited.

Well you could have explained the situation more clearly to us mere mortals, so that we may advise you on the best use of resources. Honestly! We're not just here to make the universe look crowded, are we?