h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've been depressed often in my life, but I don't think I've ever been in as deep a hole as I am this week. For whatever reasons, seratonin levels or circumstance, I've been pretty low for most of this year. But this week has been like a pile driver to my heart. I had to have my best friend 'put down' Tuesday. Lobo had been suffering from a seemingly undiagnosable and possibly incurable skin disease. Just when I thought I'd determined it might be a food (corn) allergy and had him down to one last stubborn lesion. It rebounded and spread to his face. I decided to try giving him Benedryl in the hope that it might ease any allergic reactions, but I think it was too late. It quickly worsened from a few small spots, to an irritated mass that he couldn't help but scratch. Within a few days he got to the point where he was literally scratching his face apart. As soon as I could, I went to the pet supply store and got him a protective collar. I bought a new fancy and friendly inflatable collar first. On the way home I stopped at the vet to get antibiotics and steroids (prednisone). It was busy so I had to wait an hour and a half in the office while Lobo was at home further shredding his face. An hour after getting home I realized that this fancy, friendly collar may work well to keep a dog from chewing on himself, but it did no good at keeping him from scratching his face with a back paw. So, I rushed back to the pet supply store and got a proper Elizabethan collar.

That was Saturday. The E-collar worked as it should and prevented him from scratching his face further, but I could tell he was still quite distressed. The prednisone and Benedryl started kicking in a bit though and he would switch between two modes: laying down nearly asleep, or driven to mania by the need to scratch his intolerable pain and itching.

Skip forward to Monday morning and I discover that he's managed to find the tabs that fasten his E-collar and use those to reopen his wounds.

I had seen this moment coming for some time, but I really didn't want to face it. Some part of me hoped that my parents, at home with Lobo, would make the decision for me and take him to the vet while I was at work. But it was my decision to make. So, when I got home we quickly discussed it and I had my mother make the appointment for the morning. At this point, she volunteered to take him in for me. At the brink of a complete breakdown, I nodded my appreciation.

I skipped dinner, went upstairs to my apartment and bawled my eyes out.

I finally regained composure and brought both my dogs upstairs for the night.

It was a very tough night.

For months I'd been trying to prepare myself for this. I'd read a post on Reddit that impressed upon me that when it's time to have your pet euthanized, it's really best to be with your pet till they're gone.

That thought had haunted me from that point on. I knew it was the right thing to do, but every time I thought about it I would choke up and then chase the thought away, lest I break down crying in public about something that hadn't even happened yet. Could I do it? Could I sit with my best friend for the last moments of his life? I didn't know. I didn't want to know.

And up until about 4:30 on a sleepless Tuesday morning, I didn't think I could. I would have let my dear mother take my dog on that dreadful trip. Let her drop him off to the kindly care of my very compassionate, but unfamiliar veterinary staff. They would probably cage him for a bit until someone was ready to do "the procedure".

No, I had to be there. I had to take him for one last walk. I had give him one last "butt scritching". I had to make sure he wasn't alone and knew he was loved up until the end. And he looked back up into my eyes and showed me how much he loved me.

It was the right thing to do, but I haven't stopped crying since.

Dang

That's all I can say, really.

Well done for being there for him in the end. It's not easy.

Dearest Baron,

I know that pain, and it runs so very deeply.

Blondie was a beauty golden labrador with such a sweet nature. She was part of our family for 14 years. Her final months were hurtful to us all, and when it was time to let her go we all cried.

I stayed with her to the end and still shed tears some 16 years later when a stray thought might pop into my head.

More recently we lost our cat, Tammy, so my emotions are mingled with the loss of two wonderful friends.

Mourn Lobo, sweetheart. Don't stifle your tears, and let the healing process help you to find the memories that will bring you peace and calm again.


lil xx

I recently had to have my cat put to sleep...she was nearly 21 years old and had grown up with my children.

She was old and tired and it was her time to go...but I have fine memories.

You did the right thing, letting Lobo go...it's so sad and very hard....I know how you must feel

You did right and that will eventually help to heal your pain. In the meantime take care of yourself.

Websailor

Thanks, all. I appreciate it.

Damnit!

BG, I'm so sorry. Lobo was a beloved family member. Give yourself permission to grieve. Those people who don't understand, who wonder why we get so upset over the loss of a pet, aren't the sort I care to cultivate.

No one has been that way, I just had another sad moment is all.

And today Simone is gone.

Baron, I feel for your loss. It's not easy losing a treasured friend


lil x

Sorry to hear about that BG