h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

One pill makes you larger
and one pill makes you small
and the ones that mother gives you
don't do anything at all

I've been to see the doctor again this morning, as I don't think my antidepressants are working. He said he didn't think that changing meds so shortly before moving away to university (yet again ) would be a very good idea. At least he's sending me to a colleague of his who does therapeutic counselling. And I got additional bezodiazepines called Lorazepam to relieve my anxiety. But only for a short time, so that I don't get addicted.

My applications for university weren't very successful, I got back 14 rejections and one admission. So, I'm going to Gießen Uni in october, that's some 200 km away from home. Which means I can go home on some weekends . And I'm now starting to look out for a flat-sharing community...that's going to be difficult. But I can't live alone, I've seen that during my year in Passau .

Ach, I don't know. I get so bored and I don't *feel* anything. Anything positive, that is. Sadness and anger and despair are the only emotions I know. I don't love anybody, I'm never happy, I don't have fun. I guess I'm all blocked up . So maybe the talking-therapy is good for me.

Well...remember what positives you now have:

- You recognised that you were having problems and took control.
- You're in touch with people who can help you
- You've made the major, major step of 'getting back on the horse' and finding a new university place. Well done you!
- You know what some of the triggers were last time - eg isolation.
- You've made friends here who will support you.
- You're a stronger, more experienced person now than you were last year.

Now I'm not going to tell you that everything will be sunshine and roses. Starting a new life and meeting new people is stressful. You may well become depressed from time to time. But at least now you know that it won't last for ever. You *will* cope.

Viel Glück!

(And thread title. I'm going to see them live again in October)

Oohhh, the Wwhite Stripes live

I'm meaning to e-mail you. I'll get around to it over the weekend.

I've got a new 'Handy'. My ringtone is 'I Think I Smell A Rat'.

I've seen Jack n' Meg live before. They were superb. They don't just 'go through the motions'. Every song is fresh and depends on the interaction between them.

I have a *talk* therapist too. It helps. I'm sorry hun that the meds are not working so well for you.

I'm moving soon. I'm already packing, even though I don't move till December, LOL.

Hey you two , you're really great, thanks for all the support .

I got another admission today, for Siegen university, that's some 130 km from home. Now I can compare and chose over the weekend .

My first session with the therapist is on tuesday, and I think I'm confident about it. I'm afraid I have to say that my family is not really helping, so I hope to get some support from him.

I especially like "Little Ghost" and "The hardest button to button" by the White Stripes. Yesterday I found this cool video on Youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6WVD3PqeNY They were the musical guest on Late Night with Conan O'Brien for a whole week once . We've got a satellite disk at home and used to receive CNBC Europe, Conan was always very funny, and had good music on the show. But now they've changed the frequencies or something and the channel is gone.

Just a little update: I enrolled in Siegen University on wednesday. On tuesday, I had my first session with the new doc/therapist. Apart from a short conversation-therapy this month (before I move) I also have new medication which will hopefully work better: venlafaxin, a SSNRI, and olanzapin, which is actually a med against schizophrenia, but I take it against fear. And for emergencies, I have lorazepam, a tranquilizer.

p.s. olanzapin gives me an iching rash , I hope that's only initial..

I take venlafaxin. It works very well. One thing about it - the withdrawal symptoms are a bitch!

Olanzapine - it's not just for schizophrenia. It's an antipsychotic. When I was in hospital, I was given increasing doses until I quietened down. It also has a tranquilising effect and can block negative thoughts, which is probably why you've been given it.

More soon.

Yeah, I read that one withdrawal symptom is that you can get these "zaps"? Like an electric sting.

One night without venlafaxine: really weird, sometimes terrifying dreams.

Two nights - the boundary between being awake and asleep blurs.

Two days - you suddenly burst into tears.

On the positive side - Doctors prescribe Viagra to go with it.

I can't destinguish very well between being awake and being asleep anyway

Ah, but what about the girls? My libido is definately not as it used to be

Welll...it is one of the standard symptoms of depression.

It says here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olanzapine#Off-label_uses that olanzapine is being used by some doctors for anxiety-related disorders.

What talking therapy is being offered? Cognitive Behaviour Therapy? (whatever that is in German).

I think it's just Gesprächstherapie - but the doc suggested that I find someone who does depth psychological therapy. Behaviour therapy would be Verhaltenstherapie in German, some have the "Kognitiv" added.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is widely used in Britain. It's not about analysing dreams or working out that you're depressed because of something that happened to you as a child. It's simply about learning to deal with negative thoughts.

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/therapies/cognitivebehaviouraltherapy.aspx

It's very good! Have a look at the example shown and maybe click a few of the links.

These look good, too:
http://cbtexplained.com/
http://www.kpchr.org/feelbetter/

I'll have a look at the links.

But I've read quite a few books recently (I don't know if you know Alice Miller, for example), but I've got an idea that it will help if I get the possibility to analyze my childhood. Not analyze in a Freudian way, but just talk about it with someone who is "a professional", who can ask the right questions etc.

There's no harm in going over childhood. I've done it myself in counselling.

But...can I suggest that it's something that is best done when you're relatively well? You can handle it then. When you're ill, maybe the first priority is to treat the symptoms - the negative thoughts - and worry how they got there later.

(Just a thought. I'm not an expert and everyone is different)

Hi y'all. I'm mainly lurking, but wanted to send greetings and positive vibes.

I'm feeling pretty good today

I phoned around a little yesterday and made two appointments for visiting rooms in students' flats in Siegen on saturday.

Tomorrow is my next session with the doc.

Good! Try to remember that there can be good days.