h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The real stars of Pearl Harbor are the pyrotechnicians and the special fx guys. But this is usually the case with Bruckheimer films (and director Michael Bay is Bruckheimer protegé). The love story angle takes up an unnecessary amount of story time and might been better if it had been part of a series of vignettes.

And its about 30 minutes too long.

I didn't expect to like this film, but it was quite alright. Much of your extra 30 minutes was probably at the beginning of the film.

My only real disappointment was the failure fo the film to capture the real shock and surprise of the Japanese raid.

I was thinking more about the final 30 minutes. The Tokyo raid feels tacked on, and is really only there to balance up with the beginning, the Alpha and the Omega of the Friendship. But it just feels like a cheap and easy way to sort out the love triangle.

And you're right, they really took the sting out of the 'surprise' - largely because the film-makers bent over backwards trying not to make the American forces look too stupid. An effort completely wasted thanks to Alec Baldwin.

Best bits? The aftermath scenes esp trying desperately to get trapped crew out of the hulls and the blur of the Hospital.

You are too lenient: not only were they not trying to make the American forces look too stupid, they went out of their way to make everyone in the film a 'good guy'. Honorable Japanese, heroic Americans, overcoming racism, deep friendship, loyal woman, brave nurses, cameraman who films till the last,...

Of course, that day must have witnessed much bravery and heroism. But this film clearly didn't want to upset anyone, so no cowards, no one who could function in a crisis.

When Kate B gave Cuba G that long lingering look in the hangar with all the coffins, I couldn't help writing my own version of the scene in my head.

I imagined Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett both doing a double take and saying "Aww, not again!!!"

Kate B replies "Well, you boys were gone so long! I didn't know if you were coming back! I had to move on with my life..."

I know, I know, I'm a very strange man...

Gee, I suddenly wish you were a scriptwriter!

'The Mummy Returns' turned in a very good box office performance in the States, despite the weakness of the first film. I didn't think much of the sequel at all; the gags were weak, and although there was lots of action, there was nothing there to set it apart from anything else.

'See Spot Run' is the sort of film normally to be avoided: kiddie movie with a heavy dose of gross-out, and just a touch risky for such an audience. It was sort of okay, though. David Arquette was watchable, and Anthony Anderson seems to be turning up all over the place, and is quite a funny turn. But the film was marred by a hugely embarrassing performance by Michael Clarke Duncan. It was *so* awkward. And this after such a promising role in The Green Mile. I hope he's more discerning in future.

Does dressing up as a gorilla count?

That remains to be seen. I gather he's lent his voice to 'Cats & Dogs'.

I was checking out the details for 'Get Over It'; I didn't realise it was such a small-time movie. I happened to see it again, and still found it quite fun. Colin Hanks has a creditable role, and is so similar in appearance to his father. Sisco wasn't annoying, contrary to my expectations. The female roles were a bit light, but not bad in any way. Martin Short played a gloriously over-the-top drama director - I just loved that role. And near the beginning of the film there's a great, imaginative sequence set to The Captain & Tennille's 'Love Will Keep Us Together'.

Oh dear, am I advertising on the Beeb?

Only Time and Moderation will tell...

UK Film Festival has me trying to work my schedule around its thoughtless timeslots.

'Pandamonium' tomorrow night!

Ooh, what's on the menu - apart from pandamonium, of course?

Sexy Beast - just reviewd!

The Most Fertile Man in Ireland looks promising. Just flicking through the booklet: Tube Tales, There's Only One Jimmy Grimble, A Hard Day's Night (remastered), Quadrophenia (been and gone, dammit) among others.

A-ha, full house - I haven't seen any of them!

No 'Purely Belter' then?

No, not to my knowledge...

Quadrophenia has taken a long time to reach NZ!

Have you seen this great new film starring that fine young actor Humphrey Bogart? Casablanca I think it's called...

Er, is that one of those new films with sound?

You mean like a pianola player?

Ah, am I confusing this with the funky sound system that consists of some old 'geezer' (or 'gal') spiralling up out of the floor to provide your original Dolby Surround?

Gee, Kaeori, it's a Wurlitzer!

...with built-in noise reduction, I should hope.