h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Stardate 030999

Today it is too warm. And sunny. I don't like it. Apparently will be more hot and sunny over weekend. Oh joy. Will try and find cool dark place to stay until winter arrives. Perhaps will try cellar, or Meadowhell.

Was woken at 6.30 this morning. Father knocked on door to say he could hear Mulder and Scully digging. Told him it was 6.30, so I did not care. Will get my revenge when he is old and frail. Will leave him sat in wheelchair and make him watch Blind Date and anything with Dale Whinton until he begs to go to the old peoples home.

Spoke to sister. She had fight with bloke 2, she hit him and he put her in a box. They have not fallen out, they just like to fight. He shot two rabbits yesterday. She has written him a love poem. She has asked me to send her parcel of forgotten items - cardy, deodarent and Henderson's relish. They must go to her work as there is no one in the house to receive it during day. She has decided to leave shiney new car parked at home and catch bus to work every day.

Have not received textbooks yet. College starts in just over a week. Possibly will be only person in class who does not know what lecturer is talking about. This will not make a change.

No football this weekend. Very strange. Will not know what to do. Would prefer to watch Wednesday play badly than not at all. There are rumours we are going to re-sign Carlton Palmer. Am not sure how I feel about it. Will also get £2.5m and get rid of Andy Booth. Sounds like a good thing to me.

Is interview with Hirsty in Telegraph. Says he sort of regrets not insisting on a transfer when Man Ure were interested. Would have been devastated if he had, but would have been better for him. Would rather he came back than Palmer, but is always injured, so would not make any difference to relegation fight.

Have temporarily abandoned alphabetical trip through CDs. Needed Northern Uproar fix. Will go back and attempt George Michael again tomorrow. Optimistic opinion is may reach H by end of weekend. But if go to Meadowhell, will probably acquire new CDs which will interrupted alphabetical flow. Only attempting this feat as father says waste money on CDs - some have not been played in years. So what if he is right? This is from a man who owns a Wurlitzer Organ CD and plays it loud enough for the neighbours to hear.

Parents are going on holiday in two weeks. Very excited. Mother showed some more purchases - father has told her to stop buying, so she doesn't show him any more. All was horrible, but she is 54, so has no taste. Told her they were nice.

Considering weather, feel I must spend evening sat outside pub on Bridge Hill, with pint, watching world go by. Benefit of hot weather.

Cake s.o.

"if I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor"