h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Who is Shazz?
What is she?
I seem to have lost my sexual identity!!
Has anyone seen it?
I know I had it on Friday
I thought I had it on Saturday...
Then I entered h2g2 and...
BAAAAMMMMMM
Should I consider an op?
Does this mean I have to wonder around wearing trousers and a jacket for 6 years...to ease myself into my new role?
Do I have to learn to sit with my legs wide-apart...scratch places I haven't even got....fart in public(loudly)...extend my stride to 3 foot??
Please help!!!
I need assistance in my new role...
I haven't tried this before!
I need answers!!
I need help!!

I suggest you look for your sexual identity down the back of the sofa, most things end up there.

Or see if it's stuck to the drum in the washing machine, along with any odd socks.

Nah....that's womans work!!!

Now that you're a man you can live permanently on lager and kebabs,do the "billiard ball shuffle" through your trouser pockets, stare obsessively at the breasts of any woman sitting opposite you on a bus or train, secure in the knowledge that she is unable to see you, and aquire an encyclopedic knowledge of engine capacities, football results from 20 years ago blah blah blah.

Sounds like most women I know.

Ever thought of setting up a dating agency?

Hey, you ain't seen these lasses.

He's seen me Pastey Well..as I was anyways LOL

And I bet you now look dead cool with your goatee beard.

Not to mention my long sideburns I'm sure you'll find them sexy though Shack

Shazz, when you've had the op, you may understand why the non-female lot sit with their legs apart: there's a bit of equipment there that's potentially painful to sit with your legs crossed over!

As for the farting: is this pronouncement a tacit admission that you fart softly in public now, or an equally tacit admission that you fart loudly in private now? Farting loudly in public may not be something you actually have to learn to do, by the sounds of things!

Learn to shave the sideburns - only when you've done this can you understand the art of letting them grow!

Yes Shazz, "every man loves the smell of his own farts" and the lager and kebab diet will do wonders for your aroma, robustly complimenting your masculine pheremone signature.
As you are learning to do wonderful things with multi-media, perhaps you could rig up a "smelly-vision" link on your page, thus sharing your essences with the rest of us. The combination of sideburns, goatee, sharp wit and primitive body odours will set you up as the sites premier babe-magnet, and your nights of the five finger shuffle will be a thing of the past.

Now I have a real problem!I was warming to the idea of changing the habits of a lifetime to those of someone elses lifetime..but then checked the frontpage and appear to have changed back again!!Is this just going to be a weekend transition..if so..it'll play havoc with
my private life.I will have to remember which room to visit in dire need...too much alcohol and I'm bound to go in the wrong one As a female,I have no problem with a man coming into the ladies..they very rarely do because they don't want to queue But what happens when a lady goes into the gents??All burning questions that need answers

I seem to have you all stumped there!!

If the most pressing issue about your indeterminate sexuality is which loo to visit, then you have a very, very well-adjusted personality, Shazz.

When a woman visits a men's loo - at least in the pubs in which I drink, she's sure to attract a few disapproving glances from the occupied standing patrons, but these tend only to last until she makes her way into the cubicle: having established that she really does want to go to the toilet, then there is no problem. The disapproving (or disbelieving) glances will be wheeled out again - assuming the patrons are the same - when she exits the cubicle, but providing she doesn't want to also hang around and wash her hands in this most private of places, then ther will be no further action.

A complication with this general scenario could arise if your indeterminate sexuality has saddled you with an equally indeterminate mode of dress: if you walk into the men's loo while dressed as a man, and proceed to reveal that you're a woman, there could be hell to pay!

LOL!!And what happens if I'm a woman with the urge to stand up like a man!!Now that could make things complicated

That could actually eliminate the complication with the mode of dress: if you attempted, while being a woman dressed as a man, to make use of a urinal, you would either make an awful mess of yourself in going to the toilet, or have to employ some rather unusual equipment in the attempt to relieve yourself. Either way, the attempt would make you a laughing stock, and it's very difficult to "maintain the rage" against someone who is obviously determined to humiliate themselves in front of an incredulous public.

This is very true I think that I better decide one way or the other then..life will be so much simpler..and public humiliation doesn't really appeal!

Ah, so the crunch time has arrived!

Personally I'd opt for the male modus operandus, if you're going to be hanging out in men's toilets! If not, then the other way would be the go, and I suspect you'd be a much more attractive proposition for the men you seem to attract, that way...