h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Every couple of years the Uni proposes new lunchtime clubs for staff. For instance, a couple of years ago they started a choir (that is still going) and a year or so before that they started Nordic Walking (which isn't). This year's suggestions include:

A Book Club (which I've put my name down for)
Slimming
Running – I asked for more information, but this apparently is intended as a C25k (Couch to 5k) club
Sewing
Make-up & Beauty Tips
Languages – sadly only French, German, Italian and Spanish, not Anglo Saxon, Quenya, Klingon or Esperanto.
Knitting – which is just plain weird

So I've put my name down for Morris Dancing.

<BB<

My money was on Make Up & Beauty Tips

What? With my flat feet?

<BB<

Mind you, I don't know if I've ever mentioned this, but I'm from the Isle of Wight, and an unbelievably distant relative of Isle of Wight-born George Westmore, patriarch of Hollywood's Westmore make-up dynasty and founder of Hollywood's first make-up studio. His six sons, including Wally, continued his tradition, doing the make-up for over three hundred films during the Golden age of Hollywood, with Wally Westmore becoming head of Paramount's make-up department and did the original 'Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde' and 'The Island of Lost Souls'. Wally was in turn the uncle of Oscar-winning make-up artist Michael Westmore, famous for his 'Star Trek' make-up.

And did you know that when Paul McCartney arrived on the Isle of Wight in 2010, his first act was to contact a local acrylic nail specialist, as apparently he now uses acrylic nails when playing his acoustic guitar?

<BB<

Did McCartney get a cottage?

I know you're telling lies in that first bit. I've never seen "From the Isle of Wight" and "Unbelievably distant relative" in the same sentence before.

Seriously, you should write that one up for the guide. It's actually very interesting.

My money was on the makeup and beauty thing too.... - I keep threatening to join our local Morris group, I think W threatened divorce if I did...

'Make-up'? Moi? I'm a masculine, macho, manly male - I don't do 'make-up'!

Now if you excuse me, I've my next journal to write - saying how I spend Saturday having my hair done, shoe shopping and buying myself a new pair of tights...

<BB<

Saturday morning the weather was dry and, as it hadn't rained too much the week before, the ground was dry so I took my son out to do his tenth Parkrun, which means he has now qualified for his 10th Parkrun t-shirt! Sadly Fleming Park looks decimated as the council has chopped down all the fir trees on the grounds that they are non-native

In order to do the Parkrun I used superglue to try and keep my running shoes' soles attached to the top. This just about worked but I've come to the conclusion that it is time to get a new pair of running shoes. Obviously I make do and mend, and consider it my patriotic duty to never buy myself clothes unless absolutely necessary, however as the doctor earlier in the year said the reason I've had lots of ankle injuries this year is because my running shoes aren't giving me the extra support I need due to my flat feet, it probably was time to get new running shoes.

The other thing I've been meaning to do for the last few weeks is get a haircut, but I've not been able to. My wife announced that she was taking the children to the child-friendly barbers called 'His & Kids', which is just a short walk from the running shop. This is NOT the haircutters I mentioned last year, which is somehow still going (it is currently promoting 'Students haircut £6:99 – men only' which I'm not sure whether is sexist or not, and I'm wondering that as 'student' is plural, how many male students they are prepared to cut hair for for one payment).

So I went along too and had a pre-winter tidy up (grade 8 back and sides, scissors on top) and then popped down the road to the running shop, which is run by a member of our running club and you get great service. So I got a new pair of trail shoes suitable for mud and grass as well as gravel and tarmac that should allow me to run without injury. I've been meaning to get winter running clothes for the last few years but feel claustrophobic in crowded shops like Sports Direct and generally found it easier just to put up with being cold. Yet I also finally bought myself a bright yellow winter running top as well as a pair of men's black running tights so hopefully I won't be shivering so much now. The only disappointing thing is that the tights only have one small pocket.

<BB<

Sunday is an annoying day, spent mainly doing the children's homework. My 6-year-old daughter's homework this week was on making a model of the sort of house that would have burned during the Great Fire of London. Fortunately we had acquired a shoebox within the last 24 hours. This formed the basis of her house, which was simply a Weetabix box beneath a Rice Krispies box beneath the shoebox to make the house larger higher up. These layers were glued together, a roof made and everything covered in paper and paint.

That was the day's highlight, really.

Later on consisted of ironing while watching 'Laurel & Hardy'.

<BB<

Post 27 demonstrates your awesome way with words once again

Good to hear about the running shoes - they sound excellent for all terrain parkruns

I guess the haircutters that tells you before you go in that students will cut your hair only if you are a man rather than a boy or anything else does save time... not to mention saving confusion too, as they don't have to say, "We're not insured for *that*" *pointing at SQ*

"(grade 8 back and sides, scissors on top)"

Ah - these sound like magic words I tried using a magic word "undercut" when I got my hair cut the time before last but ended up with a "pudding bowl" so I had to get my hair cut twice in one month I just asked for "the usual" the second time, which was satisfactory if not stylish... Now my hair is growing into the long phase, though, so it looks better than it did when it was newly cut

Ah, I forgot to congratulate your son on the T-shirt and 10th Parkrun

Well done to your daughter for the shoebox house That is challenging homework, but I hope it was quite fun, too

When I read your reply, my first thought was "if I add a 'p' to 'all terrain parkruns' I'd get 'all terrapin parkruns'." Let's get those terrapins running! Or do terrapins prefer ten pin bowling? I'm g;ad that you're getting happier with your hair now.

In Autumn/Winter I have a grade 8 back and sides, scissors on top and in Spring/Summer it is a grade 6 back and sides, scissors on top. Mind you, fewer and fewer barbers are doing grade 8 these days, so when I ask for it I feel like I'm supporting a vanishing artform. It means my hair is tidyish but still keeps the warmth in in winter.
The barbers was a posh one, by which I mean that instead of the pricelist advertising 'haircuts', it states 'haircut and finish'. Like Dave Gorman I've no idea what they mean by 'finish' if it isn't a case of simply stopping when they're done, as the process seems identical to the haircuts I've had where they've not provided a 'finish'. Unless they mean the bit where they lift the mirror up to show you the back of your head? They always do this before I have a chance to put my glasses back on so I can't actually see it.

That reminds me, it's a Goodish Tuesday today!

<BB<

Monday was a fairly uneventful day, except it was the first day this winter in which I wore trousers while cycling to work rather than shorts. The weather has been getting slightly colder and with the colourful leaves on the trees and blowing in the wind, it is a beautiful journey into work. Fortunately it has been remarkably dry this year, which means the fallen leaves are still leaves rather than slippery mud.
Sadly the journey home is all pitch black, especially the unlit boardwalk, the stretch next to the river and cutting through the country park.

<BB<

Another largely uneventful day. At lunchtime I went along to choir for the first time in about 3 weeks. We're getting to that tense time of year where the choir is asked to perform at various Christmas concerts, but Dan, the choirmaster guy, really, really hates Christmas and goes to extreme lengths to put off anything Christmassy – to the extent last year that we had only managed to get him to let us practice two thirds of 'Saviour's Day' before our last Christmas concert.

Still, I went to choir but it was a really weird experience. I've been having problems hearing for the last few weeks but during the singing session as well as everything sounding muffled and distant I kept hearing pops, crunchy-crackling noises and at one point it sounded as if fireworks were going off in my head. The songs we sung this week were Simply Red's 'Sunrise', DeBarge's 'Rhythm of the Night' and The Temptations' 'Get Ready'.

So I decided to get an end-of-day doctor's appointment. I turned up and the GP looked in my ears and said that I had otitis media with effusion (fluid in the middle ear) – which apparently is very common in two to six year olds, but not so in adults. He said that it affects hearing – which I knew, as that was the reason I'd gone to the doctor – can cause pain – again, that's the reason I went to see him - normally lasts at least two weeks – I've had this for over two weeks, so again, nothing new - but typically can last three months. If it doesn't clear up by the end of the month I'll probably be referred to an ENT doctor, but if they're not a sentient tree straight out of Middle Earth I'll be very disappointed. One possible treatment is grommets, although a grommet on its own without Wallace just wouldn't be right.

At home I got to enjoy the first episode in the new series of 'Modern Life is Goodish'.

<BB<

"Like Dave Gorman I've no idea what they mean by 'finish' if it isn't a case of simply stopping when they're done""

I wonder too about 'Finish' as I just ask for a dry cut, and sometimes they leave it wet (because a dry cut involves wetting it all over using a spray bottle) but very occasionally they will use the hairdryer.

Sorry about your ear causing problems in Choir... I hope the effusion turns to diffusion soon...

Goodish was excellent

its not a proper haircut unless they stick a lighted candle in your ear at the end.... and use a cuththroat razor on the nape of the neck mind, unlell last year I'd not visited a hairdresser since I was about 13, when my Mother last took me to one as it was, last year dragonqueen marched me to one and made me get a haircut

That sounds a bit heavy handed!

I've never had a shave at a barbers, only hair cuts.

<BB<

Goodish is indeed excellent, and I particularly enjoyed his discussion about Geeks.

And Dave Gorman is absolutely right - superhero films are definitely a sub-genre of science fiction.
Superman is from a different planet - science fiction.
Spider-man's body changing due to radioactive spiders - science fiction
Marvel cinematic universe has films set on alien planets - science fiction
Batman - yes, the 'Dark Knight' trilogy was a bit more realistic, but the 1990s films had a woman resurrected by cats, radio-controlled penguins, brain-draining machines, women turned into plants and an iceman. Batman has clearly crossed the line into science fiction, and once the line is crossed, it is crossed. Same as James Bond.

And from now on, I'm not going to be guilty about the eclectic mix of things I enjoy doing and watching either. So what if we watch cheesy programmes like 'The Lost World' or 'My Little Pony' - it's our free time to spend how we want, anyone who dislikes it, tough.

<BB<

Hmmm... Okay...


Well, in other news, 55 years ago today a group of Southampton University students became the first people to achieve man-powered flight with their SUMPAC (Southampton University's Man Powered AirCraft) aircraft. Which shows that the human race is capable of remarkable achievements sometimes.

The other thing that people seem to be talking about on social media is the new John Lewis advert, although I've not seen it. Personally I don't think that companies that don't have branches on the Isle of Wight should be allowed to advertise nationally. I've always tried to avoid chains that snub the Isle of Wight; if they think that the Island's not good enough for them then they obviously don't want my business.

<BB<

Went out for my first late-night run for ages, wearing my new running shoes and clothing for the first time. Apart from my daughter saying 'Daddy, you look silly' just as I was leaving the house, no-one noticed that I was wearing tights. I felt a reasonable temperature, so to date the winter running clothes are a success, although of course it is still rather mild and not cold or frosty yet.

Sadly the run itself was not quite so successful as I only managed 3.5 miles of a planned 6-mile run (why do they call it a coughing fit when at the time I couldn't stop coughing, the last thing I felt was at all fit?). Still, I think I've decided to be a 'the run is half done' kind of person.

<BB<