h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You've never had a booty call, have you?

*pats FG on the back as she breaks down crying*

There there. We all can't be bootylicious.

It's true, darn you! I've never heard the call of the booty. Oh, I've tried--I've worn thongs, I was with the Girls Gone Wild, I once played Baby Got Back. Rub it in, why dontcha? Oh, the shame....the shame!

Maybe you need to hang out in ethnic clubs

*puts on Sir Mix-a-Lot's "I Like Big Butts"*

No thanks. I prefer clubs of the wooden variety.

Well, you've condemned your life to a booty free life then

Speaking of condemned, how's your mother doing?

Condemned? Don't you mean committed?

If by committed you mean constipated then sure.

Yeah... that's what I meant... sure... u'huh

*Suddenly the lights dim and a spotlight picks up the evening-wear clad figures of SE and FG. SE is looking dapper in white tie and tails and FG's silk ballgown shines in the darkened room. Somewhere, waltzing music swells to a crescendo.*

*thus begins the sequel to Strictly Ballroom: Strictly S&M- Baz's only failure to date*

Where did this whip in my hand come from?

*watches as Sporky's black leather harness descends from the chandelier*

*starts singing Back in Black while smacking himself on the arse*

*rushes to get a wooden tongue depressor to prevent any permanent damage during Sporky's apparent grand mal seizure*

*starts picking splinters out of everywhere*

Get your hands off me! I can assure you no splinters went up *there*!!

Safety first

If that's the case you'd better put on some rubber gloves.

What? This full body condom isn't enough?

*thinks of The Naked Gun*

*is suddenly reminded of OJ Simpson*

Thanks a lot. I tried to forget about that little national obsession.