h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Me, that is.

Last Saturday, I went cycling for the first time in about three years. Central London not being the best place to keep fit on a bike, the machine had been sitting in my cellar gathering dust. Or possibly mouse droppings - it was hard to tell in the gloom.

Well, I pumped up the tyres and went out on what was a beautiful sunny day, and thought "Hey - I'm really enjoying this!" And I was. Until about three hours later, when my body said to me in no uncertain terms "Ha ha - yes, very funny. How novel. Now stop please. Right now."

I just about managed to get home before collapsing from heat stroke, feeling more shattered than I have ever felt before. But at least there were 5,000 people walking past my house in a "legalise cannabis" protest. Which was nice.

Well, I'm not entirely sure what to say here. I understand about getting older and exercising sucks when you haven't done it for awhile and heat stroke is almost never a good thing... but then you ended on such an up note with the cannabis protest.

What did the protesters do? And why are they outside your house? Do they hold you personally responsible?

Hee hee - no, I just happened to be on the route. I sat and watched for a while, smelled the sweet aromatic air, watched the bored police, who couldn't have had a mellower crowd to deal with if they had fire-hosed them with liquid Tamazopan...

It was quite good actually - everyone was smoking the weed and no-one was hassling or arresting anyone. It was good to see people exercising their right to protest in a sensible manner. How lucky we are, etc.

There was one good banner that read "Alcohol? Sure, I'll have a pint! Nicotine? Light up man! Prozac? Help yourself? Spliff? YOU CRIMINAL!!!"

LOL... First of all let me just say that the word "spliff" is one of the funniest words ever.

Secondly, I think that anyone who's been to Uni will tell anti-drug advocates that the only thing that pot addicts do is eat and sleep. It's such a non-violent drug. This country is still insane about it, although you can almost always smell it at outdoor events.

MMMMMmmmm imbibe...

Varying the topic a teeny bit, I tend to think "doobie" is a really funny word too.

Ooh, and "bong".

It's not that far off topic. Doobie is indeed a funny word, but I haven't heard it actually used .. I think ever .. Unless it's Chris Farley doing the Motivational Speaker, "Smokin' DOOBIES in a van down by the RIVER".

I like the simple 'blunt', as in 'I was toking on this enormous blunt the other night when... [insert virtually anything here]'

Nouning adjectives is almost as fun as verbing nouns.

I also like the word 'stogie' for cigars. Just so descriptive, somehow.

Absolutely! It's a very gangstery noun. There's something more raw and New Yorky about smoking a stogie. If you're out on the town as a dandy thought, I think you should smoke a see-gar.