h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My weed eater had issues. Once I ran out of string, I could never find just the right size. Then the spring fell out of the thing, so I had to pull the string out by hand. Effectively, I haven't edged my yard in a few years.

The problem is made worse because I have a shallow trench in my backyard. It eroded like that while they were building the homes next to us. I use it to get rid of all my yard clippings and such. It has become a little overgrown of late.

Recently, I bought a new weed eater, and I started work on the backyard today. I nearly finished when I uncovered a turtle living in the trench. I damn near screamed when I saw it. It surprised the heck out of me. Now I'm worried what else might be living back there.

It doesn’t help that I have moron for a neighbor who lives caddy corner to me. When he built his fence, he left part of his yard out of it, and it hasn't been cut in six or seven years. It's really overgrown, and I suspect it's now a wet land underneath he weeds.

Out of interest, what's a "weed eater"? I don't think we have them in Britain, at least not by that name.

Sounds a bit like a strimmer to me...

It's a a trimmer for using around the edge of the yard. Actually, I'm thinking about getting up and mowing as I type.

Have you considered one of those plastic 'yard gator' thingies they advertise on late-night tv. I saw one the other day at the Home Depot while I was trying to find the right string for my John Deere weedeater.

Since I *again* got the wrong string, the temptation to buy the other thing is growing...

I just bought a new trimmer because I couldn't figure out what to do about the old one.

The grass was still wet when I went outside this morning, so it didn't get mowed yet again.

Wet? What's that?

We've been under drought conditions for over a year now. My grass is brown and horrible - the only green is over the septic tank.

Except for the weeds of course.

My philosphy used to be to mow the weeds off level so they would look like a lawn froma distance.

We're in a draught too, but it's been raining or sprinkling every day for the last couple of weeks. Our yard is awful because everytime I mow, it it rains, and there's some new grass (I don't know what kind) that grows over the level of the bermuda grass.

Now I have a hard time doing anything because of medical reasons.

"medical reasons"?

You've not done your back in have you?

No, I have a stupid problem with my foot. I went in for an operation today, but complications came up and now it has to be delayed.

Has anyone ever tried that one?

'Sorry officer, I've got a medical condition with my right foot...'

Not for speeding, but I've had people claim injuries to keep from doing field sobriety evaluations.