h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My mother-in-law (Mum Heath) has been having gastric problems for some time. They flared up while we were on a cruise earlier this year, and she ended up on a drip to re-hydrate her. She's been to the doctor since, had a barium meal and a colonoscopy. The colonoscopy didn' show anything, but the doctor has referred her to a gastrologist. He told her that if she didn't hear anything within 2 weeks, she should get in touch with him again and he'd chase it. She's had abdominal pains since then, on one occasion so bad that she couldn't eat or drink. She's convinced herself that she has some kind of cancer. I'd rather wait to hear that from a doctor, but I know that 2 weeks to see a specialist is classed as 'urgent referral'.

Mum Heath drives me up the wall sometimes. OK, she drives me up the wall a lot of the time, but I'm hoping she's wrong on this. Partly it's for her sake, partly it's for hubby's sake. We lost Dad Heath to prostate cancer a few years ago and it's not a good way to go. Hubby has enough on his plate without the stress of her being hospitalized, or at home drugged to the eyeballs the way Dad Heath was. In fact, if she is that badly ill, she'd need to go into a home, which doesn't bear thinking about. It'd probably finish her off faster than the treatment would. Plus the fact that Social Services would take one look at the state of her house and decide it's a death-trap. It is, but it's *her* death-trap.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess I just need to talk through the worry I'm feeling, to share my thoughts with somebody even if it's the faceless multitudes out there. I'm an atheist, so I won't ask for prayers, but it's times like this that help me to understand why so many people feel the need for that kind of spiritual support.

sorry, I have nothing constructive to say except and

Hubby's just told me Mum Heath is having an ultra-sound scan on Monday. Other than pregnancies, I know that ultra-sound is used to check for DVT (I've had ultra-sound for that). However, I don't think DVT typically shows up in your abdomen. A quick Google yielded the following information:

"Your doctor will ask for an [abdominal] ultrasound scan if they want to check on one or more of the following:

* the liver
* the pancreas
* the gall bladder
* the bile drainage system
* the spleen
* the kidneys
* the tubes running from the kidneys to the bladder (ureters)
* the bladder
* the womb (uterus)
* the organs which produce the eggs (ovaries)

The scan is not usually helpful with showing up problems in the bowel.

There are many conditions where an abdominal ultrasound scan can help us find out more about what is going on. Stones in the gall-bladder or bile duct and stones in the kidneys, ureters and bladders often show up well."

In other words, it's not used to check for growths/cancer/tumours. Hubby reckons gall stones or kidney stones are as likely as anything. I hope he's right.

That sounds a lot better, then.

I hope they get to the root of her problems soon - and that it's fixable.

It *sounds* a lot better, and I'm hoping that the ultrasound will reveal the cause of the problem as something that can be easily dealt with. But it may be just a preliminary thing. Mum told hubby today that she has an appointment to see the specialist on Friday, just 4 days after the ultra-sound. That and the continuing pains have got her even more convinced that it's cancer. She says the pains move around, and that Dad Heath's pains moved around when he had cancer. Dad Heath's pains moved around because his prostate cancer metastasised to bone cancer, so more than one part of his body was affected. You can't tell her that, though. She believes what she wants to believe.

We're taking her out for the day tomorrow. Hubby has bought a new car, a Citroen Berlingo, which I know Mum Heath will hate. She's short and has trouble climbing up into buses and coaches. The Berlingo is higher off the ground than she's used to and we'll have to get a folding step to carry around when we take her out in it. She also won't like the fact that the seats are quite high, so her feet won't touch the ground. Mind you, when we chose the car we decided we would base the choice on *our* needs, not on what *she* could cope with. Our needs are for a vehicle that has the capacity for a mobility scooter and no sill so the scooter and/or wheelchair can be got in and out easily. Mum Heath won't be in the car much, while our needs are ongoing.

Thanks for the support and reassurance. It is greatly appreciated at this time. I'll post again when I know more, which may not be for some time, depending on what the specialist says or does.

I like those Berlingos - you get a really good vew from the seats because it's all higher.

Hubby took Mum Heath out on Sunday and, as I expected, she needs a step to get up into the Berlingo. Ho hum.

As for the ultra-sound scan, that was done yesterday and Mum Heath was told that there was definitely something wrong, but they couldn't tell what from the scan. She'll need to have an endoscopy, which worries her because she says she has a narrow throat. (They're tackling this problem from both ends. Going in from below - colonoscopy - didn't show anything, so now they're going in from above.) Today she got a call saying her appointment's tomorrow at 8:30am, just two days after the scan. Now she's really convinced that it's serious. That will be 3 appointments in the space of 5 days (she's seeing the specialist on Friday). Personally, I think they just want to get the investigations out of the way before she sees the specialist, but there's no point trying to tell her that.

Hopefully the next update will be late Friday or early Saturday.

I didn't expect to have news this soon, but here goes.

Mum Heath had an endoscopy today and was told that she has cancer. The doctor wouldn't be drawn on how serious it is, so we're hoping the gastrologist will say it's treatable. Either way, the cruise in November is probably off, but that's minor. Richard and I have the rest of our lives to see Petra.

I have to say that the news has left me shaken. I've lost two aunts to cancer (one of the lungs, one of the cervix), and Richard's dad died of prostate cancer a few years ago. Richard's mum convinced herself she had cancer, but we tried to reassure her. The ultrasound might have shown gall stones or kidney stones, or something else easily treatable. We tried to tell her she was worrying over nothing, but it turns out that she was right. I may be getting worked up over nothing, it may be treatable, she may be getting on my nerves for years yet. But part of me is afraid that we're going to lose her soon and I'm not sure how Richard will cope. When his dad died, the burden of arranging the funeral, dealing with probate and everything else associated with a death fell on Richard. His brother didn't do anything. Richard never had a chance to grieve. When his mum dies, whether it's soon or whether she has a few years yet, the burden will fall on Richard again. I'm worried that he'll go to pieces when it happens.

I'd love to say that pouring out my feelings has made me feel better, but it hasn't. I'm still crying. All I can do is hope for the best.

First of all..........

I'm sorry the news has not been good for Richard's Mum - and hope it's treatable or, at very least, that she can have good quality of life until the end.
Richard is lucky in one respect - he has you to support him and care for him and see him through this.

We had some bad news recently too.
My sister-in-law, who had a mastectomy two years ago, has just been diagnosed with endometrial cancer. We're waiting to hear the results of the MRI, to know how far it's spread, and she'll be going for surgery pretty quickly.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister-in-law. That's dreadful news, to have beaten one kind of cancer and then have another kind. My thoughts are with you.

As soon as I'd managed to calm down, I did what every sensible woman does in times of trouble - phoned Mum! She's only one year younger than Mum Heath, but aside from osteoporosis and a mild heart condition, she's in pretty good shape. Never mind Richard going to pieces when his mum dies, I'll go to pieces when my mum dies. Mum helped me to get back on an even keel mentally, and offered any help we may need over the coming months. Bless her!

Mums are great
Like you, I hate to think what I'll do when my mum goes. She's 80 next year - but comes from a long-lived family, I'm pleased to say.

Nothing much to report after Mum Heath's appointment with the gastrologist. They need to do a CT scan, which is scheduled for Friday 13th. Mum Heath isn't quite trikaidekaphobic, but she does believe that 13 is an unlucky number. Sooner or later she'll realise that it's Friday 13th (she hasn't put the date and the day together yet), then she'll get really worried. (Just BTW, the biopsy will give the 'grade' of the cancer (how fast it's likely to spread) and the CT scan will give the 'stage' of the cancer (whether it's confined to the stomach or whether it has already spread outside).

Part of the problem we're having is that Mum Heath has already convinced herself the cancer is terminal, despite being told that they aim to treat it and she could live for some time yet. She's mentally giving herself just a short time to live, 6 months if she's lucky. She's also working herself up into a state over the treatment, which will almost certainly involve surgery and possibly chemotherapy. She's convinced the treatment will 'knock her about', i.e. leave her in a poor state physically.

Any ideas how to cope with somebody who has mentally given up before they start? I agree, Teuchter, that *most* mums are great. Mum Heath, on the other hand, regularly does my head in. OK, she's not my mum, but she drives hubby up the wall, too.

Cheerful, I can offer no advice just a and a hope that's treatable. Mum Heath