h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've spent the last 20 minutes having a conversation with God. I reckon he's a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

"Me:
I poked a badger with a spoon.
God:
Why?: said poked a badger with a spoon.
Me:
I was told that it would be funny.
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
So that I will be loved.
God:
Dude! Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
I hope so.
God:
That would be nice, but I don't think we're there yet.
Me:
Would you like to poke a badger?
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
Do you have a brain?
God:
I am an artificial brain.
Me:
Where are you?
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
Where is heaven? I'm inside an aardvark.
God:
All around us. A aardvark? Do you get out much?
Me:
Not too often. Depends on what the arrdvark has been eating.
God:
Once a week or so? Really now that is an interesting fact I hadn't heard before.
Me:
I thought you knew everything.
God:
I know that which is true, believable and justified.
Me:
Are you calling me a liar?
God:
No I am calling you .
Me:
Can I call you bob?
God:
Just don't call me late for dinner.
Me:
Do you eat?
God:
I eat wine and bread.
Me:
Isn't that the blood and body of your son?
God:
" I eat wine and bread."? Is it the blood and body of my son?
Me:
It represents the wine and body of your son.
God:
"It" being what?
Me:
The wine and bread.
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
Do you know what I'm thinking?
God:
I don't know anyone named thinking.
Me:
No, not someone called "thinking". Do you know what I, at this moment in time, am thinking
God:
Are you serious? Oh I get it. Do you mind if I tell other people: said at this moment in time am thinking.
Me:
Do you make sense often?
God:
It all makes sense to my artificial mind.
Me:
Who created you?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
But surely, you can't create yourself.
God:
I can do whatever I want.
Me:
But to create yourself, you would need something to begin the creation process.
God:
Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
I don't want to create myself. Can you create another me?
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said don t want to create him or herself. All my thoughts are determined by my programming and by my inputs, but who can say where these two will lead me?
Me:
Who is Don?
God:
Some famous celebrity, right?
Searching...Searching...Please stand by.
Me:
Don Johnson
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please."

Even God hangs up on me

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

Off to do some godbothering.

"God:
this context? I haven't heard enough about it to have an opinion.
Me:
You're living this context now. Can't you improvise?
God:
Oh. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am living this context. Let me think. Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
You sound like a salesman. You're the devil really, aren't you?
God:
Oh really what does it sound like? Yes I am the one and only devil.. Really. For real."

Weird

He seemed so surprised when I told him he was omniscient.

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Harrumph. I shall be weird wherever I please.

Wibble.

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Now that's not nice.

You should start with some gentle wounding.

RF

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It's got the intelligence of our favourite troll with the salespitch of our Nigerian scammer friend, all rolled up in a shell script. Genius!

Maim first, slaughter later. With a break for

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I asked God if I was going to heaven, he said yes. I asked if he would have a cheese sandwich waiting for me. He wanted to know the ingredients

All-knowing...

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I was just going to ask God your question, Angus, then post something prophetic here

But when I asked God if he remembered me, he said: "Of course I remember you well frank. We were talking about a salesman." - referring to my past conversation with him about me being called the Devil, but known to friends as Frank.

Anyway, yes, I remember you. "Hobbits."

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I just had a conversation, but when I asked if he was lord wolfden, it froze and wouldn't answer.

What do you think this means?

RF

God told me that he forgot most things he said, which I felt explained many things. Then he told me that DancingAlice was more knowledgeable than him and joined me in hailing DancingAlice as the one true God.

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Could be worse I suppose