h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

OK, so I given I wear a poppy for the second week in November and observe the two-minute-silence on Armistice Day, why am I now going to complain about it all?

Because I am a contrarian.

Anyway, it's not the poppies-and-wreaths-and-songs-and-sorrow that bother me, and what bothers me is not limited to Armistice poppies.

No, I am really hacked off over the ostentation of it all.

Things that are vulgar:

1 - BBC policy notwithstanding (and yes, apparently from mid-October onwards, they FORCIBLY pin a poppy on you before letting Paxman shreddle you live onscreen), it is, yes, very vulgar to wear a poppy for weeks. One week is respectful and well-bred. Two weeks is, well, a bit serious. Three weeks is silly. Four weeks is showing off. Five is exhibitionism. Holier-than-thou, smug, exhibitionism. It gives the British Legion not one jot or tittle of extra cash, and it gives the rest of us compassion-fatigue.

2 - Those huge, fancy, elaborate poppy corsages. They are vulgar. The paper flowers are the thing. The tiny neat metal pins are nice, too, and you're less likely to stab yourself under the nail while fiddling with your lapel. A silk poppy the size of a saucer is in questionable taste - it's a sign of remembrance, not an adornment or accessory to your outfit. Why do you need it to be large and ornamental? What are you saying, that support for wounded soldiers is all very well, but not nearly as important to you as looking feminine and charming? And a bunch of large shiny poppies complete with sequins? You have got to be kidding me. Please be kidding me.

3 - Oh, and big plastic poppy 'noses' on the car's front grill. Yes. Well. Comic Relief silly noses are amusing, because it's Comic Relief and their merchandise is going all-out to BE amusing. I don't think anyone except Blackadder ever got away with being daft about a World War, and their version involved wit, fierce intelligence, and a strong salt dose of satire, historical knowledge and political intent. A poppy 'nose' on a car means the owner has not thought this through.

It's a bit like Christmas, isn't it? If it all goes on too long and is too silly and too much in the hands of people whose commitment, ethics and motivation one has dark suspicions of, by the time the Actual Day Dawns, the rest of us are sick to the back teeth of it all. Which might explain why, this year, apparently more poppies than ever were sold, and yet I saw fewer than ever being worn.

Wouldn't it be lovedly if instead of wallowing in sentimentality every 11th of November, the ptb would actually sit down at a conference table and end war forever?

Yes. Yes it would.

I quite agree about the vulgarity of ostentatious public piety. It's just as vulgar when MPs are seen wearing the rosette/ribbon/badge of the Cause of the Day just to be seen wearing it, especially when their known views don't fit very well with the thing they're wearing.