h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I adore babies. I can distinctly remember disliking them intensely - nasty noisy incontinent incoherent dribbling little things - between the ages of, well, my own babyhood and 26 or so. And then, I started to slowly like them, find them sweet and amusing, smile and make faces at other people's babies in queues, and feel chuffed to bits when they responded with smiles and gurgles. I find pregnant women fascinating as well, and am genuinely interested in the whole process (indeedy. From start to finish) of making new people. I think this is what everyone meant when they used to tease me about biological clocks. My husband and I would love to make a whole new person of our own.

However, because Life Is Like That, I have a fertility problem. (I am feeling highly aware of it at the moment as my body has gone completely nuts and has taken to bleeding at random intervals. Gah). Friends and family have taken to responding in two ways:

1) Aware that we want kids, they swamp me with (well-meaning but frequently unhelpful) advice, talk to me about my future children as if they were really going to definitely turn up any minute, tell me off for not being pregnant already (yes. They do. Apparantly I am cruelly and deliberately depriving my niece of cousins her own age), and generally seem totally unaware that an infertile woman might not like to have her face rubbed in it at every family gathering.

2) Never ever ever ever mention the subject of babies and pregnancy - any baby, any pregnancy - at all. Even their own. I appreciate their desire to protect me and their consideration, I really do. BUT...

...as I said above, I LIKE babies. And I want to hear all about my friends' pregnancies and sproglets. I really really do. I agree, I will from time to time go all wistful and maybe even a little envious (a lot envious. Just once or twice. Sorry).

Ideally, friends and family would talk to me about THEIR babies, tactfully ignore me if I wander off to blow my nose, be ready to listen and sympathise when I (note. I. Not you. I) want to vent/rant/whine/sob/talk about acupuncturists. 99% of the time I'm not going to cry or bitch, I promise. I want to enjoy my infant acquaintances and my nearest-and-dearest's company. And if anyone has heard something really interesting and possibly helpful about my condition, I would like to hear it. Only, I'd like people to say 'Have you heard about/ considered/ tried whatever-it-is?' and hush up should I say 'yes/ not appropriate for me/ already tried/ not interested in trying.' As it is too many people start 'You simply MUST try this/ read this/ do this,' and refuse to accept that I might me an intelligent adult who does her research and understands her own weird body best.

And don't nag me or tell me I need to relax 'and it'll just happen'. Do people even realise it sounds horribly like they're blaming me for being childless, and uncomfortable, and in pain?

How utterly wretched for you. I confess I felt a bit guilty when it seemed to come easily for J and I. Not just you, I have another friend who has been trying for two years now who says that in her whole life of taking precautions, and being careful, and doing the right things in a sensible manner, she never dreamt that after two years of trying she still wouldn't have a baby. I know there isn't much I can say to help either of you, except to wish and hope for you and your husbands that you might be lucky the very next time.

Who'd have thought you had to be lucky after all those years of doing what was necessary to prevent pregnancy at the wrong time? Mother nature can be a total bitch. Keep doing what you are doing, nag your gp for all the help you can get, and know that our very best thoughts are with you

Oh, Agapanthus - what can I say?

Nothing is probably best.

I am well past childbearing age and enjoying grandchildren - I'll tell you stories of them if you like - but I do get boring!!

I think s instead and possibly a glass of to go with it.

UG

Thank you for all the hugs. Very kind. See, you guys are great. Can I send you off to teach my family how to behave?

Hello, Universal Granny. Nice to meet you. Thanks for the !

I thought I had better journal all this properly, partly because I like the hugs and sympathy , and partly because I feel a great chunk of my life is otherwise hidden and suppressed. Some good may come of it - I don't mean a baby. Just, some understanding and acceptance and creative catharsis. Rather than feel all, well, suppressed all the time.

Definitely let it out, Ag. Catharsis is good.

Doh!



My close fwend had difficulties too, so I sympathize with your feelings... I hope you both get what you want

If/when Mrs. D and I have children you can be Auntie Ag who lives in the Internet if you like...

Best thing to do in my opinion is practice as much as possible and see what happens.

Thinking of you, Ag.