h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Only if your thoughts revert to something you do not wish to remember because you haven't dealt with it yet.

I drink loads of water. What's worse: Ideological fanatics, or religious fanatics?

*I should think so, yes. *Care to elaborate that??? *It would appear to me that I get the better part of the deal. Most of the entertainment, anyhow. *Hahahahahahahha. That sounds incredible. *This isn't the first time you've discovered _that_ is it? *Incredible... So extremely silly. Muahahahahahahahahaha. *An idea, indeed. For instance, yes. There was also the one about electrified door-knobs sending a person backwards into the spice-shelf, knocking some spices into his eyes, and then out the window from the forth floor. *******

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

It was. I'll see if I can't catch a picture. We're going there on midsummer's eve.

Ah, yes. We run 50 hz, I believe.

And he nags.

I love water. Ooooh, I don't think that there is a worse. A fanatic of any kind is a boil on the butt of humanity.

*I am eating a muffin out of a bowl. *Sure. We played on a large stage in the middle of a park. There was a pond next to the stage and someone was fishing. He caught an alligator. *It's incredible. *It's...amusing. *No, but it makes me laugh, still. You're supposed to be immune to that kind of thing...right? *I don't even remember how old I was. I have so many fun stories from elementary. *Hahahaha, what spice?***************

Welcome to the wonderful world of bureaucracy.

Midsummer's Eve.

And that would make...frequency...no.

Nope, I'm not encouraging you or nagging you. I'm saying what I believe to be the truth.

It's essential to me. I drink at least two litres a day. Agreed, but I figured I should ask. Nowadays, ideological fanatics are more dangerous, though.

*Hmmm... why would you need a bowl for _that_? *Oooh. And nobody cared to notice? Or was there a big fuss in the middle of the gig? *Yes, I know. I'm waiting for it... *Certainly so. *Hehe. What, immune to people laughing at my silliness? I live for it. *Fantastic idea to come up with, that. I love the one my cousin did, though. He found the main water-intake for the school, turned it off, and then went through all the classrooms in the building, and turned all the taps to full. When the class started, he made sure he got thrown out, and turned on the main intake again... Muahahahahahahaha. He said that the sound of 200 taps all flushing water out at the same time was quite incredible, and only overwon by all the screams... *I think I said garam-masala or something like that... *******

Indeed. I suppose it's a matter of using it, or... not.

Yeah, sowwy. Typically Norwegian, that error.

Huh?

*grumblegrumble*

As do I. Probably more when I'm outside. At night I drink a ton, too. No, because religious fanatics cause as much hate and discontent as the ideological fanatics. I don't know whether fanatics are mentally ill or just...evil.

*Because I eat like a heathen when not being watched. First, I flip the muffing upside-down and peel off that wretched paper shell my mother makes me put on them. Then I eat the part that was covered by the shell. Next, I hollow out the cap before eating the cap. *My mother was one to notice and left my grandmother sitting in the middle of a crowd to go look...even though she is scared to death of reptiles. There wasn't a big fuss because no one really realized what was happening. *Well, get on, blast you! *Hmm. *No, you were supposed to be immune to the ridiculous 'guy's instinct' thing. *Oh, no. That's horrible...hahahahahahahahahahaha. I blew up the fume hood once, but that was only partially intentional. *Now that is absolutely perfect.***************************

Or having it doing jumping jacks like the court jester.

Ekky?

I got partially confused and realized how terrible I am at physical sciences.

Alright, I've said what I thought, and that'll have to be it.

Me too. Yes, you're right there. I think that the ideological fanatics hold the higher bodycount of the two, though. At least if you look at the 20th century.

*Aha. Yes, that would definitely explain the bowl... Mmmm... We've got brownies and almond cake standing in the kitchen right now... *That is so incredibly... fun. *I'm on now, but you popped off about half an hour ago. *I've forgotten what this was all about. *Oh, I don't know about that. I think I'm immune to the irrational and nonsenical ones that don't do any good, but the fact that someone looking miserable trigger compassion is not a bad thing. *Not really. Nobody got damaged, it just shocked quite a lot of people. Well, somebody has to do it, don't they? Every science lab should have a couple of holes. I remember someone managed to light a toilet seat on fire at my old school. *It works, yes. ******* (We're only on seven, if you must know)

Yes, I think possibly the court jester-genes have been transferred to a lot of powerful people these days.

We don't capitalize days, events and nationalities in the same way.

Hmm. You do know what the frequency means, don't you? Since you know the frequency of your own power system, I mean...

Very good, he learns.

I don't know...The United States alone has had over 4000 cult-related deaths in the past forty years.

*I thought it would. Oh, yummers. Eat the cake upside-down, will you? *Welcome to the South. Sherman and I met up with a large rattlesnake on our walk. *I'm on now and you JUST popped off. *Have you? *That is true, even if it is irrational. *But he didn't flood out any of the facilities? How do you manage to light a toilet seat up? Gives new meaning to 'ring of fire', no? Hahaha. I've always wanted to throw a chunk of lithium in a toilet and watch the toilet explode... *You try, right? ********** (Well, I didn't feel like counting.)

About 95% of them, methinks.

Oooh, I was just making a general statement concerning Midsummer's Eve.

Yes, I know what frequency means, but I got confused as to the numbers momentarily.

Perhaps. It's always been a theory of mine, but I've always got another counter argument, so it's hard to stop in time.

Yes, well, Hitler killed 0.5 million English soldiers, 0.5 million American soldiers, and 26 million Soviet soldiers, not to mention all the Jews.

*Sounds like a messy concept, at least when the cake is covered with whipped cream. *Sounds like fun. You know, I've _got_ to come visit you some time. I've just found out that I've got relatives somewhere close to Atlanta. *The same goes for you now. Six minutes ago. *And so have you, by the look of things. *So I keep it. *Nope, there were teachers everywhere, so it wasn't too bad. The shock effect was great, though. I think he put loads of paper underneath it (the seat was made of plastic, I believe), and lit it. It does. Hahahahahahahahahaha. That would be extremely amusing. *Nope. Nobody ever _tries_ to pour garam masala in someone's eyes. That's the whole point. It just sounds horrid, so nobody tries it. ****** (You don't have to, haven't you got a feeling of what seven is like?)

Where are the remaining 5%?

I see. What was that general statement about?

Aha, I see.

I try hard not to develop habits because I'll go in the same loop for hours.

I'll give you that.

*Yes. That's why you eat it that way. You eat the cake and then you eat the icing. *Oh, yes! Do! *clapshands* *Well, we both got on but that damned distortion. That's extremely disappointing. *Why would you ever even think that? *To each his own. At least it's not an irritating trait. *That is fantastic. I wonder where the water main is in our school...Oh, they keep that area locked and with good reason. Friday, someone painted giant penises all over our school, however. That's hysterical. Plastic should have burned pretty easily by itself. What would posess you to do that, though? Oh, probably the same thing that would posess me to blow a toilet off the wall... Oh, over the summer break, Bonnie and I are going to the Goodwill and are going to pick up a microwave. We're going to hook it up to a source of power with sensitive breakers in case it decides to blow up, and we're going to do microwave experiments. *Ugh, why would you WANT to pour it in someone's eyes? *cringe*********************** (Yes, but it's much more fun this way, isn't it?)

Dead?

Memories. Leeches. *sigh* Back in the days of auld.

That's what I get for actually opening my chemistry book. I flipped to the section about light.

As could I.

Ah, well. Your turn to find a question.

*But that would mean smearing the cream out in the bowl. *I'll see what I can come up with. *Yes, it annoyed the heck out of me. I think it's something to do with your connection. *Since you haven't told me what the sentence was about yet. *It's not, is it? *I've been in the ventilation control room, and in the room where they've got the main water supply... Terribly juvenile, but oh so fun, isn't it? Well, the guy who did it was a bit... odd. Oooooh. Do try lightbulbs! *I don't know anyone who's actually done it. ******* (maybe, but you're getting a bit excessive)

Yes, could be. I suppose they all should've been.

I see... No, actually, I don't...

I like the light-section.

Did you know that my CD player only has thirty-six variations when set on shuffle?

Hmm... BETA or VHS?

*Yes, but then you use a spoon and eat the icing. *I'd let you stay in our basement...oh, wait, we don't have a basement. *I don't know what. The speed was unusually fast. *Okay, it had something to do with the Persian Gulf CONFLICT...you know, when Korea invaded California and they decided to move all of the fighting to Haiti, but then decided that the sugar plantations were unfit for war so they moved it to Saudi? *No, not unless you go on one of your excessive reassuring sprees. *Oooh, blinking lights? I've been to the electronics control room. I don't know; last year, the senior pranks were better. Two dummies in the form of our administrators engaging in homosexual intercourse on the school roof... What do lightbulbs do??? *Maybe you could find someone...********** (Yes, but you mentioned it. )

Well, think about how great our government would be without it. They couldn't spoil the corruption and disappoint all of the constituents, could they?

Every year, for summer solstice, there are a ton of dances and the like at my grandmother's. That means a lot of crawdadding and frogging for two or three days ahead of time. Leeches live in the water; and, unless you wear waders (heavy rubber things that go up to your chest) and roast, you have a good chance of getting sucked.

Ugh, that's the worst part. That and the atomic theory.

Nope, I did not. I rarely use shuffle, meself...

What's BETA?

*Yes, but that still doesn't get it all out... *I could probably live quite nicely in your closet, provided I get meals three times a day and a walk. *Extremely odd, I must say. *No, you've forgotten. *I haven't done that for a while, I believe. *Loads of them. I've discovered a secret path through the ventilation intake, and one across the attic that no-one knows about... Sheeesh. Now, that is interesting. The worst we do to our teachers is wake them up at five in the morning and make them breakfast. They light up with an intense purple light, apparently. Oh, and you get the familiar lightning over the socket. *I'd rather not. ******* (And?)

I think that there would always be fools ready for those roles, no matter what you did to the gene pool.

Aha. I love Midsummer's Eve. We always go to the same place, with the oak tree. I'll take some pictures for you this year, I think.

Oh, but those are the bits I love. Those, and the bit about electronics and biochemistry.

I have memorized all of the shuffle patterns, so it has grown useless. I like it because I don't have to hear the same songs in the same order all of the time unless it's something like Dark Side of the Moon where it MUST be played in order.

*gasp*

*Okay, if you must, pick up the bowl and lick all of the icing out. *I might even give you two walks a day and a belly rub, if you're nice. *I think I've been on it too much recently and I'm starting to irritate it. *What? You are kidding, right? * Think of the things you could hide there... It was interesting to say the least. They still have a price on the heads of the people that did that. *shrug* I'm a wanted felon, too, though. Do you go into their houses and make them breakfast? Oooooh, I'll definitely try that. I love the lightning. *Yes, I think the screams would be a little much for me, too. ********* (It's just one of those things. It's like telling me not to hit something in the middle of the road; I aim for it.)

I don't think the genes are responsible.

I do, too. That's a tradition I wouldn't want to go away, though I'll be missing out on it this year. Please do.

Oh, but those are the bits I loathe. Atomic anything KILLS me.

Haha. So much for random numbers...

WHAT?

*I could do that, provided that nobody saw me do it. *Sounds good to me. *Well, you should get it back to normal, otherwise, we're both going to go mad. *You couldn't say what it was about, so you've forgotten. *Yes... Hahahahaha. Ah, well, they'll never find out. And you're running off too... They do that, yes. It's quite fun, yes. *Not to mention the fact that I would feel horrid for doing it. ****** (Well, you've been excessive long before I mentioned it.)

Probably an environmental thing.

Sounds great. Awww, you're missing the traditional Midsummer's Eve party?

I know. We're different there. Which is good, because it leaves us something to argue about.

Indeed. Rather sad.

You've never heard of BETA players?

*Which is why I try to eat alone... *You wouldn't want a daily bath, would you? *I should, but I think it's gone and infected my mind. *Whatever...erererer. *I'm a naughty one, I am. Fascinating. *You're supposed to be a scientist; think of it as experimentation. ********** (must you point that out?)

Maybe they all hail from your radioactive city?

Yep, but I may get to go, depending on what day it falls this year.

True, true. So we've got theology, mental illness, capital punishment, and science to argue, now.

What impresses me is that you've memorized all 36 patterns...

Nope. Is it some American thing?

*It sounds like entertainment for the whole family. *Naw, I'll do with once a year *The revision's infected you, at least. *I win. *Indeed. Nice project, eh? *I... can't... do... it.******* (I felt that it was important)

It wouldn't suprise me if they did.

Well, I wish you luck, then.

Mental illness, though?

I’m kind of wondering how I managed that, too.

Oh, my. It’s the predecessor to VHS. Huge, heavy, black boxes that read these funny little tapes. It’s not American, I’m afraid. We got ours…overseas, somewhere.

*My mother likes watching me. Apparently, ‘one can never know how I am going to eat my food.’ I usually behave unless there isn’t anyone around. *Er…not if you’re living in MY closet. I would rather not have all of my clothing reek. *I have reached the epitome of geeky study queen. I condensed five hundred pages into twelve pages of 12 pt. font with six tables. I have worked over two hundred stoichiometric reasoning problems and really hope I do well on this final. *You do not, because you don’t remember. *You’re pretty bad for ripping of the phone company. shakesheadandgrins I even got my father to agree to it. You know what that means. *Be tough. *roar * ************************** (Why?)



Thank you. I love this song…hahahaha. Perfect spoof of the male chauvinistic pig. Hahahahahaha.

Yes, I think we’ve skirted it.

I think it's the same as with my memorization of which songs come after which on a CD. Completely unconscious. How did you count them, though???

I see. We never had any other player than the VHS player, to be honest.

*I don't think anybody likes watching me, but I suppose it's the same with a lot of the things you do... *True, true. I was only joking. *I'm pretty sure you will. Good luck. Or have you done it now? How did it go? *No, but I never lied and claimed I did. *I haven't _ripped_ the phone company. I've outsmarted their support-staff, but that's different. My friend made them remove the quota, but that's different. *It's the way they look at me... ******* (because it proved you wrong)



Which song is that?

When did we do that, and what did we disagree about?

Yes, I do that, too, which is how I know that there are definite patterns. Well, that's the tricky thing. I counted twenty-seven of the same on CDs with numbers of tracks ranging from 5-24, but I KNEW I had heard more than those twenty-seven variations on CDs with different numbers of tracks. I then looked up the number of my player and checked it with customer service specs. Kind of sad, but I had to know.

I think we had two at one point because daddy was just sure they'd be bought out of stock and he'd need another... He was right; they stopped making them.

*Hm, I suppose it's because I do most things a little more...odd than most people. *Wow, almost made a rather...bad comment there. *Ish, I'm trying not to think on it. I was done with the 100 multiplicative guess/multiple choice in fifteen minutes and did pretty well. The math part, however, was kind of rough. I studied a bunch of stuff I shouldn't have and didn't study a bunch of stuff I should have. *Neither did I. Did I ever say, 'I know PRECISELY what this was about'? *Sure, sure... *Well, you see, that's why you put the spices in their eyes in the first place, so they can't look at you... ********* (How?)

I have been listening to Debussy for four hours.

http://www.banned-width.com/shel/works/truelove.html I love Shel Silverstein.

A long time ago. I don't think we addressed it directly. Maybe it was mixed in with the captiol punishment conversation...? I vaguely recall it being touched upon.

But to count them is still rather impressive. Ah, I see. Yes, I know how that works. It's dangerous to prohibit me from finding out something when I'm in that mood.

Ah, I see. Well, BETA players certainly sound sort of... nice, in a very old-fashioned way.

*Well, it's just that you seem unable to sit straight for longer periods of time than five minutes. *But you stopped yourself, which is nice. *Well, you might've done quite alright nonethteless. When will you know? *You said that it was about something when it wasn't. * Well, I might have to have a 'chat' with them about disalbing the modem firewall. *Oh, they can't see you. but their eyes would look pathetic and bloodshot. ******* (You said you were being excessive because I had pointed it out, when in fact, you had been excessive long before I did so.)

But to count them is still rather impressive. Ah, I see. Yes, I know how that works. It's dangerous to prohibit me from finding out something when I'm in that mood.

Ah, I see. Well, BETA players certainly sound sort of... nice, in a very old-fashioned way.

*Well, it's just that you seem unable to sit straight for longer periods of time than five minutes. *But you stopped yourself, which is nice. *Well, you might've done quite alright nonethteless. When will you know? *You said that it was about something when it wasn't. * Well, I might have to have a 'chat' with them about disalbing the modem firewall. *Oh, they can't see you. but their eyes would look pathetic and bloodshot. ******* (You said you were being excessive because I had pointed it out, when in fact, you had been excessive long before I did so.)

That must be an interesting experience. I went to hear Oslo philharmonic orchestra yesterday.

It looks like a nice song, I'll have to try and get hold of it.

Hmmm... Maybe. I can't remember it, but it sounds like the sort of topic we could disagree upon.