h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're back!
Welcome ladyyyyyyys and gentlemen, to the most FANtastic show there EVER was! THE REJECT SHOW!!!!*theme song*doodododododooododododoodoo
That's right folks, at The Reject Show, we can change any loser's life so they can become .......*drum roll*.......cool!
Well let's get on with it shall we? *death silence* YES we shall!!!hehe..........(?)
SO, let's see today's contestants. Here we have Reject Number One:
-Hello sir, tell us a bit about yerself why dontcha.?
-Well, my name is Dickory Dick. I come from Texas and I have a wife and Donkey. Sometimes, it would be hard for me to tell the difference between the wife and the ass, so I kissed both of them in the morning and a night, so as not to ....piss 'em off, you see? i am a respectful fella, well, at least i WAS...before that BITCH (the wife i believe) came home with ...you'll never guess...another ASS gawd damnit! so now i'm pretty stuck in this mess you see.....I have to kiss all three of 'em bitches, and ...as you can guess.....i get laughed at by the folk of Texas...and I have no friends, just my wife and her two asses...
*laugh from the crowd*(hahaha)
-Right! well, there you have him dear viewers...DICKory DICK!
*applaud*(clap clap)
-Moving SWIFtly on....here's contestant number TWO!
-erm....ha.......ma name ees Hunkiistonk Huliorn. A cum frum SVitzerland and a vork for zee facturii ov Hunky Chocolat. A hav nu frendsiis , and Strangelii peepole revuse too nu mee.
-Can you exPLAIN to us, why exactly are you dressed like that?
-Oo, zis? Zis iz my costume for vurk.
-WHat exactly are you?
- i am a hunky chocolat flavured cundum.
-ahhhhhhh, you have no friends you say
-AII.
-uhuh.............(?)
-VAT?
-well, sir.......you are a penis.
-and?
- penises are hard to make friends with..
-SCRW u.
-excuse me?
*boos from the crowd*
that's it security, take him away.............
*hunky chunky men(tsssss) come and take the struggling penis/man away*
well, that's about it for today folks, see you tomorrow...at the REJECT SHOW~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!
(applaud)(fade)(cut)

Er... would that cundum be or the long-brown-haired-goregous-brown-eyed-SEBSEBSEB variety?

(PS have you read the house rules? Mind your language)

OMG! there are house rules? what are they?????????!!!!!!

OMG! there are house rules? what are they?????????!!!!!!

anyway, let's not be boring, lets look at how you CAN swear:

1) the ever-wonderful smiley.

2) using axterixes: w*nk*r!

3) using the bleep smiley with the fist letter of the swearword: f (best one to use with the strong swearwords)

~