h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It was a lovely day,today. The sun was shining, the sky was blue,the pigeons had their usual early morning cough,and I was set to visit my friend June the school marm; the Plan was that I would take her out for a decent lunch, as a "thank you" for all her care and help from a couple of weeks back.

So I put on a particually nice dress for the outing; - one I'd bought in Cyprus, last year, which is very long and pleasingly voluminous and baggy from under the bust downwards. Think cheesecloth Empire Line and that's about right.

Once I'd arrived at June's, we agreed over coffee, that I'd be chauffeur for the day,so we firstly set off to the Quex Secret Garden, which is a rather nice garden centre situated just outside Birchington. June is an avid gardener, so whilst she went ballistic with the plants, and loaded the trolley down with various clematus,(es) honeysuckles, little bushy bedding plants of various hues of pink and white, I meandered around, getting gloriously sunburnt - gone are the days when I can mooch around in the sun and not go red on the shoulders and neckline any more;

whether I can blame Global Warming is a moot point; personally I think it's probably my age or something.

June suggested we go to a restraunt on the "Other side"of Birchington, at Minnis Bay that some friends of hers had recommended to her, but was insistent that we went halves onthe meal as"Apparently it's quite expensive"

And once June has an idea like that in her head, there's no shifting her, so I agreed - and then quickly and quietly bought her a grapevine she'd had her eye on, but had decided that if she bought it this week would completely banjax her budget. So instead of a meal, which is transient, she's got a grapevine,which hopefully will produce grapes, which in turn, may possibly go towards making some wine eventually.

Or possibly not. But it will look pretty, anyway.

Over to Minnis Bay for lunch; and the less said about that, the better. The service was non existent, the staff were surly, and the menu boring and unimaginative. However, what there was, was well cooked, at least.

But we won't be going *there* again

Back to Birchington, for a wee bit of Retail Therapy around the many many charity shops within the village; I found a jade green silk dressing gown, and June found - get this! - *5* circular tablecloths

We were both happy bunnies, but after a while, I found my back was really giving me gyp, so we agreed I went back to the car for a sit down, whilst June continued meandering for a little while longer.

Now; for the last half hour of the shopping expedition, I was becoming increasingly aware that the waist band of my undergarments were... well..slipping a little. Nothing to worry me, nothing that a quick, discreet hoik couldn't fix, but it seemed to me, that the more I tugged the damned things *up, the quicker they kept slipping back to just below the buttocks.



So I decided, since I walk with a stick anyway, and had to cross the main road I had enough to concentrate on as it was, without another quick hoik - after all, these were Marks and Spencers Drawers, not ratchetty old Primarks - and more to the point, they only got as far as the top of my legs and hadn't fallen down any further, and I only had another 20 yds to go before I got to the car.

I crossed the road; I could feel the waist band slipping, but unfortunately, I have only one walking speed - steady to slow.
I had a stick in one hand, and a carrier bag of jade green dressing gown in the other the carkeys dangling from the "stick" hand.

I tried taking smaller steps,and managed to halt the waist band mid way down my thighs.

Unfortunately, this made my pace even slower, and caused a bit of vexation to various motorists.

around 7 yards till I got to the car. It was like trying to walk thru treacle. My drawers got as far as my knees, so I did the last 5 yards knock kneed, as well as still continuing to take pigeon steps.

Trying to appear serene, unconcerned and in perfect control of life in general.

It was the longest 5 yards I've ever attempted walking

Finally got to the car - opened the passenger(pavement)side, and decanted the carrier bag onto the backseat -just in time to feel my knickers drape gently around my ankles, and come to rest on my feet.

I am utterly stuffed now. There is no way I am able to walk, I am wearing Croc'sClogs, which are not the most dainty of foot wear and my flexibility is pretty poor

And I have a pair of Marks and Sparks drawers around my ankles, as opposed to where they ought to be fitting.

What to do?

On the plus side, my dress is long enough to conceal my dilemma, so I took a deep breathe and pulled one be-Croc'ed foot up out of the leg hole. Thank gawd for that,I can now at least move. Now for the other foot. I wiggle, I waggle, to no avail. In the end I simply shook my foot over the gutter, dislodging the offending articals with a certain amount of swearing.

Now I have 2 choices. I can, if I felt it was OK to be anti social, quietly toe the abandoned knickers underneath the car, and leave them behind as a mystery for the good denizens of Birchington

OR... I can, at great discomfort to myself,try and crouch down, and pretend to pick up my car keys and stuff my knickers in my handbag as quickly as I can.

I went for the second option, did Operation Transfer quite niftilly. Hauled myself back up using the top of the still open back passenger door... which in it's turn dislodged my stick, which fell, with a clatter into the gutter

Fortunately, akind passerby bent and picked it up for me.


I am sooo glad that she wasn't passing by 2 minutes prior to that; and that I chose the tidy option!

Somehow, when I saw the title, I knew it had to be you!



The story's made all the better by being able to picture exactly where you were.

but shouldnt the title of this be 'Knickerless in Britchesington'?

And *I* knew if I used the word Knickers you'd probably be one of the first to reply Roy

I was dead opposite the Cancer Research shop if it makes the location to imagine any easier!

I'm not sure where "Britchesington" is... but if I ever*do visit it,I'll be sure to wear jeans when I go

...be sure to wear your britches in town

*giggles*


That reminds me of when my Mum was walking me to school and pushing my younger brother in the pram.

Her knickers went 'twang' and she just walked out of them, and carried on walking...


'Mum, you've dropped your knickers,' says I..


..'No darling, they just look like my knickers'


And that was the end of the subject..

I used to buy 'draw' in Birchington! Not drawers though. And certainly not from a car park.

. . ... . .

. ... . ..


...okay... this isn't exactly a dropped-knicker anecdote but...

when a young lady, i had occasion to work as a waitress in various places...

this one i was waitressing in was a small but busy spa restaurant and bar and that afternoon i was the only waitress... so hurry and scurry with nary a moment to get a sip of water or even... visit the loo...

i wound up finding myself in the dilemma of needing* very badly to visit the loo....

but... nary a moment so i continued waitressing and meeting guests at the door... heroinely containing myself and my fluids... . .

the maitre d' station was in an empty foyer at the front door and i had just returned to it, after showing some guests to their table, to see if anyone else had arrived...

no one had and oh no! i lost control alla sudden and trickled all over the tile floor behind the station!!

horrified but instantly in problem solving mode i snatched my scarf off of my ponytail and swiftly mopped it up...

i don't remember what i then did with the scarf, tho...

*giggles*

How embarrassing

nobody saw so i wasn't embarrassed...
i was just very proud of my inventiveness and thankful to the universe for showing me a solution

Good for you!

*rather late to procedings* Oh.... mabe this explains the pair of k nickers I fould found round about my person a few years back wehilst walking roudn town

Mornin' Evadne,

lovely story, delightfully told.....made my morning and I'm smiling as I sit at the office desk!

Fine sunny morning and a humourous tale to start it off , THANKS

Novo

Evenin' Novo

Pleased it got your day off to a good start

Maybe I should ask Lil if I could do a few bits for ? I've loads of daft anecdotes like that(generally Things my Kids said/did before they grew up) that would probably raise a few grins here and there.

And things like the time I met Yehudi Menuin....

If you have a few ideas, just pop them into an email using the box on <./>ThePost</.>. I'm sure Skankyrich will be pleased to have another contributor


lil xx

Morning Lil

I've never quite got the hang of using the email link on the contributions to the post - would be be OK if I just sent e mails to Rich direct, do you think?

You won't be the first to do that

Ah yes... I seem to remember someone with the skill to banjax MSN emails just by thinking about them

Frankly, I was rather impressed by that; something to aspire to,even

I'll get stuck in once I've got today's chores done; unless I get side tracked by the sunshine outside, or the beading I'm half way thru designing on the kitchen table, in which case I'll get stuck into writing another day

It wassernt my fault


It went all funny again this morning!

That's not you Lil - that's the weather!

MSN can't seem to cope with anything sunny (or rainy...or snowy now I come to think about it...)

Thank gawd for Googlemail, eh?