h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

oh the fraud departments liaise. it's the ordinary minions that have the attitude problem. (you know - the "not my problem" attitude)

worked in a ubo, a supp ben office and a housing ben office. all three have problems screwing cooperation from the others. not to mention rent and rate/council tax depts)

I know wot you mean about public services.. Always put contract out for tender and always buy the cheapest, and wonder why it doesnt work, falls apart after a few months and has no technical support.

And getting departments to speak to each other is bad enough, let alone different agencies! Sheeessshhh!!

On a different note.....Ev, any of your magic potions you'd recommend for a man who feels 20yrs older than he should, mainly due to shift work for last 18years??? No real specific aches, pains or illnesses, just "god im knackered" most of the time. Just a thought as your recipes are working wonders on Mrs!!

(Waves magic wand rather despondently..) Vit E capsules 200iu p/day might take a couple of months before you notice much improvement though. They're antioxidents, fat soluable vitamins, found in boring stuff like pulses, wholemeal bread and other tasteless wholesome food (ducks the health foods enthusiastist's assorted wrath and old boots). A homeopath suggested I took a course donkeys years ago when I was burning the candle at both ends and in the middle with study, theatre and general riotous living, and after a couple of months I certainly noticed a difference. I've put myself back on them after an absense of... 20 years? probably longer... because I'm constantly knackered and it might well be in the mind, but I can at least stay awake for over 8 hrs at a stretch now, which is a feat and a half. I'll e mail with a few more questions and ideas a bit latyer on today... got an out patients up at Canterbury - they're bi opsing a salivary gland to see if I have any spare spit... a strange way to earn your living, but there you are!!!

Well... that was easy! Got there,called in 5minutes before my appt was due, and the consultant was absolutely gorgeous! Not only extremely pleasant to look at, with a voice like Lindt chocolate, but he really seemed to know what he was talking about! There is a God! Spent more time tutting over my medication and taking details, checked the mouth, said words to the effect of "Well if you've got Sjorgrens Syndrome I'd be amazed" (slightly edited version) and I'm due back next week for a local anesthetic and a couple of salivary glands to be snipped out. He thinks its a complete waste of time, but if Dr Rotgut wants me to have this biopsy, then a biopsy is what I'll have.

So Dr Rotgut will have to actually examine me *properly* this time in order to make a proper diagnosis, won't he? And actually ask questions instead of glaring at me.

Hoo boy! Won't THAT be fun!!! I do hope Smirnoff will be able to come with me. I'm not afraid of asking questions, but he has an uncanny knack of being able to ask exactly the right question at the right time and getting answers. And Dr Rotgut doesn't like women much. Especially gobby ones who ask questions. And he never once explained anything to me. I reckon if a bloke asks questions, he'll have to answer... one of the old school. Mysogonistic old swine.

(He thinks very highly of me, too)

Who, Smirnoff?

Mysog what??? Thats a very big word!!

Thanks for the info re vits. will go out and but some soon. I'll look out for the mail Ev, thanks.

You sound just like my Mrs when she came out of hospital having had little 'un. "Oh that Dr Tyrrell, he was so gorgeous. What lovely eyes, fantastic with his patients, etc, etc....." for hours and hours!! Thats the reason we only had the one.. I didnt want her falling in love again!!

Oh and with the other tests too! You keep asking questions of the old git! He'll crack in the end.

Love? Naw.. this was just pure lust, I think! Like I said to Smirnnoff. "My first thought was "Phwoar! If only I were twenty years younger!" and my second thought was "Yeah... and if I WAS twenty years younger, I'd be sitting in an agony of embarrasment not knowing what to do or say.. so either way its a non starter!"

Youth is utterly wasted on the young......

you're telling me!

present company excepted of course!!

Well, today might possibly be the day the teddy bears have their picnic, but its also the day I have to go visit Dr Rotgut the Rheumatologist.

H'mm. I wonder if its a feasable excuse to cancel because I feel sick with terror at the thought of seeing the old ?

I don't want to go!!!

I think it was me, being rather positive once that said Fear is just like a mountain - it's there to be conquered.

I'm right. It is. Unfortunately. There's a poem floating around in my files somewhere to prove it.

Oh well, on with the crampons and hard hat.

Its going to be an interesting sort of a day. Smirnoff's poorly and cannent accompany me, so I've enlisted Kevin No 1's company: put it under the heading of people skills, I guess. Lessons for the dealing with. Although I have a horrible feeling the lad will witness his mother being absolutely trounced and made to feel very small and useless by this old swine.

Still.... young Kevin is very protective of me, and really dislikes perceived injustices... so it could well be a learning experience for all of us.


Oh yes... and I got an interesting communication from the Yellow Perils this morning.... several sheets of figures and a balance of zero at the end of it. Damned if I understand what they're on about, but its something to take my mind off the afternoons appointment, for the time being!

H'mmm. Curiouser and curiouser.. as some clever bugger wrote years ago. Kevin 1 "couldn't make it mum, sorry", so I went to my appointment on my own. The consultant couldn't have been more courteous. Utterly useless and a total waste of time, since I still haven't had my third (and apparently) most important test yet. That joy is for Friday. But the bloke was courteous. Almost charming even.

Hello, thinks I, maybe there IS a god? Or perhaps he's just had his period and he's feeling alright for a few days?

I got home, Kevin 1 meets me at the door before the key was turned. "How was it mum? Was he alright with you? Was he polite?"
"Er.. yeah. Amazingly so love. He even smiled at me"
"Ah. Good"
I began to smell rodent.
"What makes you ask, son of mine?"
"Werll... when I'd done what I needed to, I walked up to the hospital about midday, and I showed them my I.D., and I asked to see Dr. (Rotgut)"
"Oh?"
"Yeah. And I told him who I was and I told him you were, and what time your appointment was...."
"Yes? And?"
"And I asked him very poiltely if he would try to be civil to you this time, because last time you were really upset and I told him I didn't like seeing my mum unhappy"
"And what did HE say?"
"Werll,,, he sort of looked up at me and said he'd do his best"

Have I ever mentioned my son has a 42inch chest, muscles on his muscles and is a meanlooking 16yearold with - amazingly - very little attitude regarding "authority". It's never occured to him to believe authority is *better* than him, because, as he has pointed out, quite reasenably, they use the bathroom like everybody else.

"I only asked him" he said. "I didn't think I needed to get heavy, he's only little" Pause. "AND he's too old to know any better really"

I may not have been diagnosed with anything yet. I may NEVER be diagnosed with anything.

But I reckon I've got one hell of an eldest son.

Good for him!!!

I reckon I agree with you! There arent many sons would do that for their mothers at any age let alone the hormone hell that is 16! (and yes I do just about remember it... it is a fading memory but its till there.. just! )

...let alone living with a hormone hell that is 46, when you think about it. I think it was the comment of "He's too old to know better really" that completely cracked me up.

Its always the quiet ones that just get on with stuff, I suppose.
And on the whole (I cannent answer for Friday nights) he is a pretty quiet lad.

Just come back from the salivary gland biopsy. THAT was fun! Dr. Chocolate alas, had a day off, so I had a student instructing another student on what to do. The worst bit is the injection in your lower lip, but after climbing off the ceiling its not a problem. They use a sort of pair of scissor-y things and snip a couple of whatever-they-ares- out of the skin on the inner lip and stitch up the damage afterwards. Thats where the fun started!

The young lad who was "conducting the biopsy" (altogether now! One! Two! Three!) couldn't sew for toffee, and all I could see from my (admittedly) restricted view was YARDS of blood stained thread being hauled up into space. He'd used so much the damned stuff was tickling my nose... so I got the giggles which I don't imagine helped even a little bit, but the expression on his face was priceless! Anyway, four stitches later, I meandered out and the friend who went with me and I mooched around Canterbury food shopping and then came home for a cuppa and a bite to eat; or in my case gum carefully. Its taken me over 40 minutes to eat 2 small slices of soda bread and a lump of feta cheese - and so far, 2 of the indestructable self disolving stiches have fallen out.

Which is just as well really.

No smoking for 3 days (they said) and sorry, until the stitches dissolve, it will be difficult to .. erm.. well, they used the words "be affectionate". Kiss, you mean? I said. "Thats right" said these two youngsters, obviously embarrassed that middleaged people still might want to.

No fags? And no kissing? (And no words from the anti smoking lobby about necking an ashtray thank you so much)

Shoot me why don't you?

Hey Ev.... you may have stumbled across the new diet for teh 21st century. Just go get some stitches in your mouth and you can eat what you like cos it takes ages to eat anything!!! Right, where's that number for the patent office...Want to go 50/50 if we write a book???!!!


The biopsy souded like fun though....NOT (as my daughter says!) Mind you I bet someone giggling whilst being stitched up wasnt part of their training.

Glad it went ok-ish though and you are back home safe. You never know with hospitals!

I am sitting here with a coffee, at the start of a fun weekend of 12 hour shifts which I am sooo looking forward to. Have a good one ....

Yer on! Only I think someone has already thought of stitches _across_ the mouth already so we'll have to be careful on the copywrite side! (or is that copyright? I've never been that certain)

I've cracked the food problem tho - fruit smoothies!

(I did consider liquidising the stew to begin with and then thought words to the effect of blow this for a game of soldiers. Why slurp turnips when there's an opportunity for 'nanas and nicer stuff?)

The possibility of alcohol has crossed my mind... after all, one has to keep the wound site sterile!

Have a nice day!