h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Once upon a time, a girl took a live frog. She stuck it all over with pins, put it in a box, kept it shut up for a week, after which she looked in and found that the frog was dead. She kept it until it was consumed away to bones. Then she took out of the frog a small key-shaped bone and got into the company of a young man she fancied. She fastened the bone to his coat, and said:

I do not want to hurt this frog
But my true lover's heart to turn
Wishing that he no rest may find
Till he come to me and speak his mind.

After this the man suffered a week's torture, as the frog had. He then he went to the girl and said he had had a queer sensation for a week, but he didn't know what it meant. ‘However’, he said, ‘I will marry thee, but I know we shall never be happy’.

They were married and lived very uncomfortably together.

So that's how my ex wife did it. Thanks for the information, if 30 years too late.

Was that what Schroedinger was trying to do with the cat?

I remember there was a scene in The Once and Future King in which Morgan le Fay boiled up a cat and sucked each of the bones in turn until she found the one she could use to put a glamour on a man.

Nowadays, of course, we don't believe in torturing animals in this way. Instead we wipe out entire species.

Deb

No, this is damnation by frogs!

I don't know if you're familiar with that superb phenomenon known as Golan/Globus fairy-tale musicals. But they are a surreal delight. 'The Frog Prince' is worth it for Holly Hunter alone - she makes a good wicked stepsister:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKIHX0yu20g

They play these things straight - well, s ort of. Though the Israeli extras seemed confused at times.

(While you're at it, look for Christopher Walken as Puss in Boots.)

Golan-Globus made some wonderfully bad films.

You're probably wondering why I posted that story. I found it in an Oxford book of folklore, where it's listed among the recorded methods used for 'love divination', i.e. working out whether and who you are going to marry. This one was recorded in East Yorkshire in the 19th Century (I think - I don't have the book in front of me at the moment).

I just found it a very odd thing for someone to have actually done.

That's because you don't have a handle on wiccan practices.

And remember, these are YORKSHIRE wiccans.

First, they have to translate the grimoire into Yorkshire.

'So mote it be' comes out as 'it'll be rait!'

Then, they've got to argue about the magical power of singing 'On Ilkla Moor Baht At' backwards...

'By the pricking of my thumbs
Something wicked this way comes'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVoOLdLgWaU

Óh sorry, should have labelled that link NSFW (Not Safe For Watching).

Ooh! Skyclad!

Mind you, why anyone, even a Scotsman, would drink that lot down is beyond my understanding.

[Amy P]

The general theme of using magic to ensure that the object of your affection (or lust) is in torment, or at least unable to sleep, eat, or think straight until they see you, speak to you etc is common to different countries and cultures. I wouldn't recommend it, myself.

After all, if you really love somebody that much, you shouldn't really want them to suffer. And if you're after a power trip or an ego boost, there are easier and safer ways to scratch that itch.

Yeah, besides, cruelty to frogs will just get PETA on your case. Try www.lustingforprinces.com.