h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

( With apologies to Edward Lear's "Akond of Swat," the following lines were dedicated to Conor OBrien, 18th Baron Inchiquin, The OBrien of Thomond, formerly of Dromoland Castle, Co. Clare, on his 60th birthday...an occasion he celebrated by buying an Aston Martin!)

Far away in the West, in a strangely remote and wet country called Dromo, there lives a monarch, whose title, surprisingly, is The "Mond" of Dromo Land. Surrounded as he is by mystery and speculation, we can only ask meaningless questions about his presence in Dromo Land......

Is the Mond a modest and humble chap...or frightfully grand
In Dromo Land?
Does he like his curries cooked fiercely hot...or bland
In Dromo Land?
Does he like a big juicy steak...or an obscure gland
In Dromo Land?
Does he like pineapple freshly picked...or canned
In Dromo Land?
Does he like his creme caramel flambeed...or flanned
In Dromo Land?
When his Mum comes into the room does he stay sitting down...or stand
In Dromo Land?
Does he like the sound of a string quartet...or a rubber band
In Dromo Land?
Does he like to sail in a boat alone...or manned
In Dromo Land?
When he's feeling hot does he like to lie down... and be fanned
In Dromo Land?
Does he keep his money beneath the mat...in golden rand
In Dromo Land?
When he's up on stage are there rave reviews...is he panned
In Dromo Land?
When he's playing tennis does he serve at speed...or underhand
In Dromo Land?
Does he think that pop, hip-hop and rap are cool...or should be banned
In Dromo Land?
Is his writing sprawly, small or neat...does he use shorthand
In Dromo Land?
When he writes at speed does he use a squiggle or plus...as an ampersand
In Dromo Land?
Does he go for a constitutional walk...or a jog on the strand
In Dromo Land?
Does he dance a tango, a waltz or a jig...or a sarabande
In Dromo Land?
Does he spit out cherry pips using his lips or his teeth...or his hand
In Dromo Land?
When he's shooting game does he sit on a shooting stick...or stand
In Dromo Land?
Does he tell the time by a clock...or an hourglass full of sand
In Dromo Land?
Does he like his queen to be strangely pale...or darkly tanned
In Dromo Land?
Does he like his parties wild and free...or carefully planned
In Dromo Land?

The Mond , the Mond, the mysterious Mond
Does he rave with a wave of his magical wand?
He's bought a car just like James Bond
Did he get it cheap or was he conned?
Is he going to dye his grey bits blonde?
Can anyone know or understand
The marvellous Mond of Dromo Land?

Chai, you are a very strange individual who probably uses words like 'gyre' and 'gimble' in ordinary conversation. Excellent .

Blessings,
Matholwch /|\.

I hope the Mond appreciated the labours of the Ant. You never will forgive him for selling Dromo land, I suppose . . . no of course, I wrong you. Needs must.

Thanks for covering for me while away in cheap and cheerful Czechy. ~And

Dear Math, you shower me with compliments. Personally, I make a point of having a good gimble every morning as I gyre into gear. As to strangeness, ask Recumbentman. My belief is that sheer lunacy is the only sane response to a demented world in which the likes of Blair and Bush represent political sanity!

Welcome back Recumbent Ands.

Personally I like a good mimsy in the mornings. However, by lunchtime I'm just about ready to outgrabe anyone who crosses my path.

Blessings,
The Frumious Matholwch /|\.

Delighted to see that you outgrabe, presumably amongst the borogoves, and not ( as many a person has wagered against me to their tragic loss ) outgabing amongst the borogroves!

I'm away again for a few days, so Grimley Moer remains in a state of suspended animation. Snockerty Friddle and Ekki are both apparently elsewhere!

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