h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

And thus begins today's secret lesson.
Raise your eyebrows; and tap your nose, and tap, and tap, and change hands; step forward, two, three, four, and wink and wink and nudge and nudge and tap, two, three, four...

Or you could invent your own gesture. Or not.

I have recieved information. Or not. From an anonymous source. Which might be me, but, then again, it might not. If it was me, it was because the government has stopped following me for a while, and I have had some brief respite in order to think about things. Or they may be trying to catch me off my guard. Or maybe not. In any case, I changed the locks and passwords, but it might not have been according to the rota. It might have been completely random, in case they're on to me.

I believe there was a certain amount of convtroversy surrounding the first female member of some society of some sort. I believe that this was because that society was so unenlightened, unlike some other societies I've heard of (I'm certainly not part of any myself) that it had a 'no girls' rule. However, as a certain Simpsons episode stipulates, that means they're allowed ONE girl, just no more, doesn't it?

Of course that could all be completely made up. I think I may leave now, I'm beginning to get one of my bad feelings about this place.

That probably IS a goodpoint, "Roadkill", if that is your real tag. However, the bylaws and byways of Secret Club mean that *any* amount of females can join, since we can never believe any sort of circumstantial proof of their gender anyway (however, those offering should send the Faction Leader, ie me, pictures at his/her email address for more details). They could be male for all we know, or trust them. Also, it is crucial to point out that the rule only applies to *girls*, ie, those females below teenage age, or twelve or less, whichever is earlier.

*Important note:*
Although you don't have to be clinically paranoid delusive to join here, it helps.

Sorry? Sorry what are we talking about? I certainly wasn't talking about a secret club of any sort, and am definitely not affiliated with one in any way. I was making a point about some secret clubs' line on females.

Oh, neither was I, neither was I. I was just testing you by making up some kind of "secret club" and commenting on it.

Did I say we were? You see, what you don't realise, if indeed you are one person and not in fact a government- controlled agency with interests in pharmaceutical companies, is that I was just asking questions. I bet secret clubs exist. I bet you're in most of them. So in fact, I was testing you. My post was mostly correct. Not necessarily true, mind, and I wouldn't tell you either way.

I didn't say anything about nothing, nor am ever likely to.
I think that you're an insane government-funded AI that went rogue after creation. Albeit a very stupid one.

A-HA! That just proves that you yourself are exactly what you're accused me of being of. The 'very stupid rogue AI', unable to produce a rational argument, resorts to insults.

Oh, I bluff, I bluff. Or do I?

I don't know. Do you?

I wouldn't tell you anyway.

I'm definitely not involved with all this secret stuff. Oh no. Not me.

Pattern-chaser

"Who cares, wins"

Pattern-Chaser
I'm not so sure I should believe you. Why, your name itself smacks of "rogue-computer-funded-AI-gone-insane", and quite clearly your denial shows that you admit it.

I disagree, for no other reason than because I'm shattered, because they've been bugging my bed and so I can't sleep in it. I may be brutally tortured by the government if I go to sleep, however, I am knackered, so I'll see y'all in hell.

Who? Never heard of her.



I admit nothing; I deny everything. Except those secret things, with which I have/had no involvement anyway. No. Anyone who says different is lying. Oh, and making it up. Whatever it is.

...

Hah! It was you! Your postings are just a smokescreen. You are the guilty party! What have you got to say to that, eh?

It's tough being innocent *and* ignorant (but you *do* benefit from 'deniability' ).

Pattern-chaser

"Who cares, wins"

Pattern- Chaser is Mal! The secret committee that run both the Pattern Chaser and Mal accounts have decided to cunningly fool me into believing them to be separate entities by contradicting each other!

The net is closing in! I must run to an undisclosed location*!

*Most likely the fridge.

The fridge is one of us. Repeat. The fridge is one of us. The only chance you have is if you stop moving and put your hands in the air. Repeat. In the air. You will not be harmed. You will not be abused. You will not be driven gagged in an army truck to a hidden airbase and pumped full of drugs until you tell us everything you know. Neither, then, will you be sold to pharmaceutical companies to experiment upon, before being executed somewhere quietly by a crack team of black-ops forces, and being incinerated as part of the coverup. Repeat. You will not be harmed. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

I'm not sure I trust you...

At this point in the dialogue, I think I know what the secret is that you two have been keeping from the rest of the world....

Pattern-chaser

"Who cares, wins"