h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

i drink it when i'm happy,
And when im sad
I drink it when i am alone,
When i have company, i consider it obligitory
i trifle with it when im not hungry
And i drink it when i am
Otherwise, i dont touch it,
Unless im thirsty.....

***this is by Spike Milligan, Milliganimals, one of my favourite books:
When a baby sardine saw its first submarine,
It was scared and looked through the peephole,
"Oh come, come," said the sardine's mum,
"it's only a tin full of people"

***Life is not like a box of chocolates, its like a roll of toilet paper, the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes

***Money doesnt buy class

***The lord didnt do it all in one day, what makes me think i can???

***to ignore the facts, does not change the facts

***Everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile

***When you harbour bitterness, happiness docks elsewhere

***A smile is an inexpensive way of improving your looks

***John Cleese's original family name was cheese, his father changed in in 1915 when he joined the army

***it is easyier to beg for forgiveness, than to ask for permission

***it'll be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end

***i laugh in the face of danger, then i hide until it goes away...

***Maralyn Monroe had 6 toes on her right foot

***when NASA realised that biros wouldnt work in space, the spent millions developing a pen that would write in space, under water, and upside-down, the russians used a pencil...

*** How do you know when a blondes been on the computer,
-->theres tippex on the screen!!! (ha ha ha)

***"ALL I WANT IS STUFF TO BE HAPPY"- stereophonics

***Is it wiser never to speak than to raise your voice and never be heard.../ your either dipping your toe or you're drowning- half way to the bottom by Aqualung (they did 'strange and beautiful' the song to the VW beetle advert)

***BEWARE OF THE LEOPARD!!!! (sign on door of locked toilet, in cellar of local planning office,)

***Just because im paranoid, doesnt mean that they're not out to get me...

***the furure just aint what it used to be...(Greenday)

***An average person walks 5 times around the world in a lifetime, thats halfway to the moon...

***never judge a book by its movie -J.W Eagen

***books had action replay, long before televised sports

***Only dead fish go with the flow - Jason Robinson

***i ran out of sick days, so i called in dead...

***today is the tomorow you were scared about yesterday...

***dream as if you'd live for ever, live as if you'll die today

***when something is new & improved, which is it, if its new, then there has never been anything before it, if it is improved then there must have been something before it, it can't be both at the same time can it???

*** A whelk's chance in a supernova, -this is just an H2G2 phrase that i overuse...

***"ive a pain in all the diodes sown my left side" MARVIN!!!!!!

*** it annoys me when people say things like, 'my eyes arnt what they used to be', well, what did they used to be? Ears? Wellington boots?

*** you know those signs that say, "YOU ARE HERE", what do they say when im not?????

*** at a school i know, the sixth had mock-elections, there were posters all over the school for each of the parties, and the most popular posters were the ones for the monster raving looney party, they had big lettering which addressed political issues, then tiny writing that you couldn't read unless you loooked up close, which added funny coments,
e.g ALL BOMBS AND GUNS, (shall be kept in the fridge to stop them from going off)
TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM OF ASYLUM SEEKERS, (the alylums shall be better signposted)
and so on, justy made me giggle, thats all....