h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Welcome again to the fabulous, wonderful and scary world of Cliff Richard. For this lesson, I recommend a good strong pair of rubber gloves, a welding mask and lots of hessian sacking. For this week, we are going to tackle one of the larger and more dangerous balls from the Cliff Richard cannon - "Wired for Sound", which is where Cliff tells the world that he really likes music. It is a song that is thoroughly deserving of a line by line analysis, so here goes:

"I like small speakers
I like tall speakers"

Well, yes Cliff. So do I. I like the middle sized ones too, as it happens, but Cliff glosses over this issue.

"If they've music they're wired for sound."

This is valuable technical information.

"Walking about with a head full of music
Cassette in my pocket and I'm gonna use it
Stereo - out in the street
you know."

Well, this starts promisingly, and then veers oddly into Benny Hill territory, before kind of petering out. The "you know" phrase is pure genius. Imagine all the songs that could have been inmproved with its use: 'There's a lady who knows all that glitters ... you know.' or 'And I think to myself, its a ... you know' or 'Mama, just killed a man .. you know'. Anyway... on with the next lines..

"Into the car
go to work"

Oh, I just can't be bothered...

How about "She came in through the bathroom window...you know?"

"awapbobalooba ... awapbam ... you know"

I heard a song on the radio a couple weeks ago called "Kidney in a Cooler." It included the lyrics, "Perpendicular teeth, perpendicular teeth, perpendicular teeth, oh yeh" as well as the line "Deliver the kidney, oh yeh." This is an honest to God real record. I loved it.

JE

la la la la la la la you know Well, it wouldn't harm those* lyrics tall speakers? A reference perhaps, to people of great presence who tell of their world view? no, maybe not...

Sir Cliff's stuff is assuredly literarily gigantic next to Taupin's stuff for Elton.

"If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show"

...anything but a lyricist, eh Bernie?

That's brilliant, that is. You can almost see the tounge out and the sweat on the brow as Bernie reaches for that eternal rhyming couplet. Probably looks great in the original crayon too.

.... what colour?

"You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean ..."


See the padding, just to make it scan so awkwardly?

"Gonna write a classic...
Gonna write it in an attic."

--this one does it for me every time! Can't remember who did it.

Hey, Dr.Trout, I've been looking for you; presumably going by your addition to the nickname you have been removed from your previous life. If you'd like to get in touch with me by e-mail, I'd really like to talk about things we can't talk about on here. I don't normally put my e-mail up here, but I'll make an exception in this case (anyone else reading this, who hasn't got it, please take note: don't note!)
[email protected]

(not hard to figure out really was it!)

Terri

He probably gets paid by the word. I imagine it takes hours of hard graft to come up with one. Ten in a row could take anything up to a week.

Well, Bernie Taupin is up next in the firing line. Still going to have a good time working through Cliff's output though. He brings happiness to millions, and I am determined to find out why.

Terri & Yoda, since that email address you published was clearly a matter between yourself(s) and Dr. Trout, I am curious as to why you published it on my personal space - as opposed, for instance, to Dr. Trout's space?

I think it was a case of grab 'im when ya see 'im, Deckchair.

*Heads off to see your latest Post column*

Yes, the trout is a notoriously slippery fish to grasp! Hope you didn't mind the invasion (not as bad as some I could name, but won't!)

Terri

Mr S. Stevens is looking to get rid of his property ... A1087094