h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I wish I could get a handle on just what it is that is so ironic and absurd about George Bush. Actually, just getting a handle on George Bush would be good. Maybe on his back - so he would look like a cross between a president and a Samsonite.

Anyway - I digress, and therefore must regress. So what is it? Well there's his name for a start. I mean, we're used to it now, but it is fairly amusing. Say it twenty times. There. See?

No, that's not it. I think it is something in his eyes. And, in this, he shares something with Richard Nixon. It is what I can only describe as a look of completely bewildered panic. Both Bush and Nixon, on film, look like everything confuses and scares them: Monkeys, Chairs, Money, People, everything.

Why doesn't anyone just write: "Bush is an idiot. Stop taking him seriously.". Make it a big headline. Headlines work. People believe them. Everyone would read and go "Oh... OK then, he's an idiot." and then talk about it at work. It would be brilliant.

I have many many problems with George Bush, most of which boil down to his being president, and his being in politics... Viva La France! I say, now they have openly declaired they, along with the Russians, it seems, veito the new UN statement/mandate, on Iraq.
Not that Iraq is the only deal with George Bush that we should care about. There is the failure of George Bush to sign up fully with the Earth Summit, which is, like Iraq a big issue, and also one that will probably lead to thousands of deaths... Oh well... Worse things happen at sea, well, so I thought, I've a friend works at sea, doesn't sound that* bad to me...

A worse thing couldn't happen at sea than George Bush, in a boat. I don't separate the man from the policies. Both are stupid to the point of stretching belief. Sure, personal abuse isn't big and it isn't clever, but then neither is George, and since what he is doing is so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so mind-numblingly mediochre, tedious, stupid, dumb and obviously wrong, the only place left for irony is the man himself. I disliked him from the moment he cheated - sorry - won.

The bit I like in George Bush is when he's trying to speak. There's always a little suspense-filled moment where you just can't see him making it to the other end of his sentence. He just stops half way there, and there doesn't seem to be anyway forward, but then just at the very last minute, the final phrase tumbles out, and he makes it to the end.
Then he gives himself a baffled little smile, suggesting his confused sense of wonder that once again he got through. It seems to give him just enough confidence to embark on a second sentence.

It would have been endlessly entertaining, if they hadn't put him in charge of a country.

I think the start is usually easy. He only needs to pick from a small selection of words, usually "Today" and/or "America". Then a slightly bigger selection "is strong" "stands tall" "shows the world" "will demonstrate" etc.. But then, as he gets towards the end, he looses it, and all kinds of words leap in to fill the void: Giraffe, balloon, pizza, monkey, Iraq, lorry. And he has to filter "Iraq" out from the resulting jumble. It goes even more slowly when his batteries are low.