h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Lizard Popsty was the greatest photographer of the twentieth century, and indeed, of any century before that one. He was born in Paris in 1906, to a wealthy industrialist family. When he was nine, his father presented him with an old battered second hand Box Brownie. Popsty was instantly entranced by the device and took a record one thousand nine hundred and fifty seven photographs before his father pointed out that his Box Brownie was not, in fact, a camera. It was just a box, painted brown.

"Look, son", he said, "Me and some of my poker buddies thought it would be a good little joke, but now its gone a bit too far, and well, we feel kind of sorry for you, you know, wandering all over Paris showing everyone your cardboard box and telling them it will make you famous.. I mean, your mother can't really show her face anymore, and people are beginning to think your a bit of a nutter, so we've clubbed together and got you a real camera."

This was the turning point. Popsty's first picture was of his cat, now famous for its haunting quality, and the look of serene panic in the cat's eyes. Popsty later reminised of this photograph:

"Well, I tried for a bit to get a good picture of the cat, but you know it was really hard because it kept running about and wouldn't keep still, so I eventually was forced to glue it to the table, which was alright for a bit, until mother began to wonder why the cat no longer appeared to be taking an interest in anything other than the wallpaper. I told her that cats were more intelligent than we give them credit for, but then Dad noticed the glue and I had to spend the next six weeks steaming it off the table at a very low temperature."

A few years after this, Popsty was invited by the great Ansell Adams to accompany him to Yellowstone National Park for a photographic session. At the time he wrote in his journal:

"January 10th 1931: Ansell Adams. Looking forward to this one. I will bring two rolls of film and a few sandwiches. Maybe we will take a couple of pictures of a geyser or some squirrels and then we can go to the cinema or something..."

"August 22nd 1931: God, I'm hungry."

"December 3rd 1931: .. and cold."

"January 10th 1932: Adams says he thinks that the light me be 'just right' in a few weeks. We had a celebration. A small cake with one candle. I ate the candle."

"March 17th 1932: Adams reckons it could be 'perfect' in a few hours. He has actually moved his finger to the shutter release button. Took another picture of a damn squirrel."

"March 18th 1932: We did it! At 0832 today, Adam's said 'that's it' and took the picture. I took one at exactly the same time! I left the lens cap on, but I don't care anymore. I just want to go home..."

Popsty's "Squirrels' of Yellowstone" series was well received by public and critics alike. It was generally considered that, while Adams had taken one sublime and perfect picture of the moon rising over Yellowstone, Popsty had taken ten "fairly ok" pictures of squirrels, which kind of added up to the same value for money. At was at this time that Henri Cartier-Bresson asked Popsty to accompany him on a tour of the Latin Quarter of Paris.

Popsty recorded in his journal:

"Me and HCB hung around near a disused rubbish dump waiting for something interesting to happen. I asked him if I should call him "Henri", "Cartier" or "Bresson" and he said "You can just call me 'Sir'." We watched a ladder in a puddle, for what seemed like hours, and then this man came along the ladder and jumped off the edge of it over the puddle. HCB took a picture just at that moment. He said it was "the decisive moment" just then. I took a picture just a couple of seconds later. The man had gone and the ladder had moved a bit and the sun had gone behind the clouds. I asked HCB if the moment was still decisive and he said "No.".

Popsty took what he learned from Henri Cartier-Bresson and produced a new photojournal called "The Indecisive Moment". This, Popsty said was the moment after the "Decisive Moment" when all the elements, which had just come together, now were kind of falling apart and didn't really mean much anymore. While Robert Doisneau was becoming famous for his "The Kiss Outside City Hall", which depicted two lovers kissing outside a Parisian cafe, Popsty was also courting fame with "A little bit after the Kiss Outside City Hall when Nothing Much is Happening, but you can kind of see a Car over There".

Now something of a cult figure, Popsty was not surprised when he received a call from Stephen Speilberg. Speilberg wanted to do another film about sharks, except that this time the shark was the best and only friend of a little boy who was being persued by genetic scientists from England. He wanted some pictures of London for the film. Popsty was put on the next helicopter. Which crashed. Into Belgium.

I've got that Doisneau kiss picture on top of my computer.

JE

Its a great picture - though, and I am not sure if I should be telling you this... it is unfortnately staged. Doisneau became very wealthy because of it, and later in his life he was sued by one of the very people in the picture for some of the profits. They were both actors from a local university, as far as I recall. Doisneau took a lot of pictures of actors kissing in different scenes and costumes. He later admitted that it was staged, but I think he won the case anyway.

Cartier-Bresson is the true hero of that kind of thing, for me. He really could take some amazing pictures. BTW - I like Vermeer too. I like the stillness and balance of his works, and of all the Northern European painters of that era.

Are you familiar with the photographs of Jacques-Henri Lartigue? Another master at catching the decisive moment. Captured some wonderful pictures of early flight in France.

I still like the "kiss" picture even if it was staged!

I drove down to Jackson Mississippi one time to see an exhibit of Dutch and Flemish 17th century paintings. Was so moved by them that I actually cried.

I wasn't familiar with Lartigue's work, but thanks for pointing him out! I took a look at some, and they are absolutely wonderful. Extra-ordinary, especially for the times. I liked "My Hydroglider with Propeller".