h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"He's able to shirk his NaJoPoMo responsibilities two days in a row? Who does he think he is to get away with that?" you ask.

I don't know what to tell you, other than it's not premeditated. I'd intended to provide a glowing description of my new (to me) 1995 BMW K1100LT on the one-month anniversary of its purchase. However, the bike is still at Gateway BMW in St Louis, as the repairs aren't complete yet. Most of that is my doing, because I'm not independently wealthy and it's expensive to refurbish a machine by this manufacturer. I knew that going into the deal. Therefore, I've been authorizing additional repairs as I've had the "discretionary cash" available.

What I didn't know is how much the seller of the bike had misrepresented the details. Granted, it's a 15-year-old motorcycle with 121,XXX miles on it; however, BMWs have a reputation for running well, even into the 1/4-million-mile range. The pictures on Craigslist showed the K1100LT bike with a trike conversion chassis attached, and listed it as a Voyager. This was truly a boon for me, because A--- is a bit skittish about riding on motorcycles. I figured having the stability and upright stance provided by the extra wheels would take some of the worry out of her riding pillion with me. We discussed it and she agreed it would be a good transition from Black Betty (my 1997 Honda Nighthawk CB750) to a BMW Motorrad (something I've wanted for quite a few years).

I contacted the seller and discussed it with him. He let me know the bike hadn't been running since he tried to install a new fuel pump; he admitted he might have done something wrong in the wiring or flow alignment. He also stated it hadn't been garaged for a while and might need some clean-up. He graciously agreed to pack in all the documentation, the bike's maintenance manual, and the old fuel pump in the side cases on the bike. I asked him what was the bottom dollar he'd take for it and he cut the price in half from what was advertised. That put the decision over the top and I agreed to have him paid via wire transfer from my bank to his. He let me know he'd send the title and an extra key via priority registered mail to me, and tuck the other key in with the bike so the transporters and the repair crew could move it around easily. I'd originally expected to drive to Sarcoxie, (just west of Springfield), pick up a U-Haul truck in the near vicinity, pack the bike and trike chassis in, and transport it all to St Louis for an initial "health check". One thing and another, I ended up contracting Dalton Logistics (from Earth City) to fetch it and bring it back, finding out in the process they did this frequently for Gateway BMW and their clients. So, I never made the trip to southwest Missouri to inspect the K1100LT first-hand and bought the bike "sight unseen".

After Dalton got it to their warehouse, the person I'd been coordinating with gave me a call and made mention of the condition of the bike. He even sent some photos via e-mail so I could see how they'd strapped the bike to a pallet to keep it upright for transport. One of the shots was a close-up of the front fender and it was obvious the paint had oxidized and flaked off. The Dalton representative assured me they hadn't damaged it, but rather the bike had been found in that condition. He also told me they had to keep it on the pallet because it wouldn't stand up by itself. The previous owner had removed the center stand / side stand to accommodate the trike conversion chassis for his riding style. The seller had disconnected the trike conversion from the bike (as we agreed upon to facilitate transport), but failed to mention there were no stands to hold it up. I got another "knife to the gut" when I asked the Dalton rep to check for which of the four models of Voyager kits was with the bike. He let me know there were not markings or plates to confirm it was an MTC Voyager, never mind style A / B / C / D. He sent me a close-up shot of a stamped metal chit with "BMW" and several numbers embossed around the circumference. One of my coworkers--oddly enough--had worked for MTC in a previous career, and he verified from the photos it was definitely an off-brand conversion kit. It probably wasn’t specifically designed for my style bike, therefore necessitating removal of the stands.

The Gateway BMW service department made mention of the missing stands, stressing the fact my bike was "tying up" one of their lifts. They priced a new assembly near the $800 mark. I balked and let them know I'd try to find something. Initially, I looked for OEM parts via some of the internet motorcycle parts suppliers I'd used before, but it would have cost even more. Perseverance paid off again and--for less than $60--I was able to purchase a reclaimed combo stand AND have it shipped directly to Gateway. They agreed to paint it and install it for a reasonable cost, so I turned them loose with it. They also replaced the fuel pump with another new known good one and got the bike to crank up and run. Score!

Then came another bit of bad news. There were a handful of other issues I could have them deal with to fully recondition the bike, but they wanted to know how much I was willing to have them do. I had them provide a list and assign priorities to the additional work, so I could make some informed decisions. I decided to limit the next bit of repairs to the front forks, which were leaking onto the brake calipers. Having the forks leak would screw up their damping capabilities and would drastically change the ride capabilities of the bike, especially in turns. The good part about the leak is it kept the front calipers from rusting and seizing, because of being exposed to the elements out-of-doors. Other known issues that can wait a bit to fix include: fuel lines beginning to show signs of age; brakes that might need an overhaul; tires coming due for replacement; a windscreen with minor cracks; and some additional painting opportunities. Yes, I'll be sinking some more cash into this project, but I'll feel good to have it restored and then go out riding with a motorcycling club for some long-distance treks.

In the BMW biking community, this style bike is affectionately dubbed the "flying brick" due to its in-line 4-cylinder engine, instead of the "boxer" engine that was the mainstay for Beemers throughout their history. This particular bike is already making me think it's a bit of a Frankenstein, cobbled together with spare parts by the greatest technical minds of our century. Or rather, it is becoming a Borg, assimilating everything it needs to sustain its life. Hence the reason I'll be calling her "7 of 9".

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