h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This post has been removed.

Hi B4, Happy here. I see you got . Congratulations, I guess. I'm slightly envious as I still haven't been .

I do hope everything is well. If not, have this toilet bowl brush.


HN

A loo brush? For me? Happy Nerd, you are ~so~ kind!

B4theBeebdecides2reinstatethe'offensive'posting

And one from me too

Incidentally, I've found the s to be super-sensitive little flowers and this crop of Editors to be hugely more sensible. Erring on the side of caution, and all that.

I'm truly sorry to hear you are having such a tough time, and the reason for it.

Ben

It'll get sorted out, Ben. And you're right about the s; they have to be overly alert in order to maintain a sense of civility and decorum among all the threads. Tough job. I hope they can swiftly sort through the posting, realize it's benign, and open it back up so I can get the discussion I so wanted on the two topics.

If it's any kind of springboard, Hyp has already addressed the first point of contention. Fidelity...check! Next topic: financial responsibility. How to help someone learn to balance a checking account and stay within a budget. Any takers?

B4thepresidentofmylocalbankhas2sitdown&explainitwithpictures&pointers

I hope the posting gets reinstated.

I rely on the computer to keep my accounts balanced. And it's SO easy these days to check one's balances online -- especially if you also pay bills online. I write an average of one check a month these days, to my landlady, who fears ATMs.

I'd certainly endorse online banking, it's made my life hugely easier.

There are two separate philosophies about how to organise finances:

The first is the One Pot approach of having as few accounts as possible. There are even mortgage products based on this, where you have a single account for your mortgage, savings and current / checking account. That's hardcore, but you can still keep life simple by having one chacking account, one savings account, one mortgage, and one loan.

The second is the Divide and Conquer approach, where you have separate accounts for separate things, so a household account for household bills, a holiday savings account, an account for bills relating to the car, and so on. This works for me, because I don't end up thinking I can spend money that is in fact spoken for, but you do have to be disciplined about not robbing Peter to pay Paul.

There's no right way, what suits one won't suit another.

In terms of couples, my view is that you should never EVER have entirely merged finances. I like a shared account for household bills, but only for automated payments not for cheques and one-off payments. More than that is asking for trouble. And there is no way on the face of the planet that I would give anyone (or want) a second card on a credit card (charge card?) account.

On the other hand, if one partner's earning and the other isn't, I think it is sensible for the working partner to pay an amount over each month into a checking account so that the non-working partner can use it any way they like. It's important for adults to have a certain amount of freedom of choice over what they buy, and that's hard if you are a non-earning partner. But I would make it a checking account, not a charge card, so that it has to live its life in the black.

The fundamental rule, though, is that overdrafts and lines of credit should only be available to people who won't us them. And never ever rescue a serial debtor. That's the really harsh thing.

You know all this already, and I think your question was rhetorical, but I'm bored at work and quite enjoy spouting off!

Ben

Thanks, Ben (Mrs Zen).
We do have separate accounts for our 'sundries'. A--- has her account, and I dump a sizable chunk into it every payday so she can buy groceries, gas for her Jeep, cosmetology school supplies, and other foo-foo stuff. I have my account for gas for my Jeep and motorcycle, the occasional meal out, and geeky toys when I've saved up enough. Home finances come from the central account. Mortgage account is tied to it, as well as one loan account. I carry no credit cards, other than the Bank debit/credit. A--- has picked up about half a dozen along the way, and I've adjured her to pay off / close out those accounts, so we don't have those payments siphoned out every month.

The biggest problem is that she is either unaware or disregards the basic fact of addition and subtraction in the accounts. It's almost like she seems to feel "it'l be okay" or "it'll be covered because it's close to when the money comes in". Apparently, a whole bunch of little purchases don't seem to be as big a drain on the budget as the expected 'big ticket' payments. And a bargain is always good, even if it means interest accrued on a credit card or the expenditure takes us below Zero in the account. (Okay, the last bit was me being snide and cynical about her thinking. I don't ~know~ how she justifies the spending. If I did, I might be able to work this out.)

Thanks for the advice. I'll keep after it 'til it runs right.

B4iputbothofusinbudgetbalancingclasses

There's a calculator somewhere online that shows you how much an item costs if you pay it off over a given period of time, given the price, and the credit card's interest rate. Very educational.

Sorry I lack the ambition to look it up.

I have a lot of sympathy with both of you, because I recognise a lot of that irrationality around money in myself.

I find that the thing that makes the most difference to how much I spend is not to go shopping. That sounds ridiculous, I know, but I heard the phrase "recreational shopping" some years ago, and I kind of recognise that. It's certainly cheaper if I do my food and grocery shopping online, even taking the delivery costs into account. I just don't get distracted by shiny-shiny things.

I do have a lot of credit cards, but I keep them in the kitchen drawer. Literally. So I can cope if the car suddenly has an expensive repair bill, but I can't accidentally use them out shopping. I know people who have literally cut up their credit cards, and between thee, me and the internet, I would have done that if the kitchen-drawer approach hadn't worked.

So the only card I have in my purse on a day-to-day basis is the card for my checking account.

I'm not sure whether internet shopping is a good thing or a bad thing in this respect. Lore Sjoberg wrote a painfully funny column about how parcels turned up at his house from Amazon that only his right index finger knew anything about, and I can certainly see how that would happen.

http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/commentary/alttext/2007/11/alttext_1128

The question is whether your wife recognises she has a problem, and whether she is defensive / agressive, or blythely in denial, or head-in-the-sand or what. Dunno how you deal with each of those, mind.

Realistically, what we are talking about is an addiction, it may be mild, it may be relatively harmless, but for a crucial moment there someone else is driving the (her / my) bus. Addiction's a really tricksy thing to deal with, because our addictive brain will do every single thing it can to by-pass our rational brain. That's why I use physical tricks of buying online (which requires lots of research and doesn't give you instant gratification) and not having cards with me. It's also one reason why I've never ever bought on e-bay, because that is far too much like gambling (will you / won't you get the deal) and that multiplies up the addictive nature of the transaction.

Good luck.

B

"I laughed. I cried. It moved me, Bob." -- Larry Cucumber to Bob Tomato, Veggie Tales

The link to Wired made me chuckle. Why? Because I've felt the same impulses at times. I've rarely succumbed to them, so I'm thankful calmer heads prevailed.

B4ifindsomeothertrivialknickknack2buyfromthatlongwindingriverinSouthAmerica

Don't you have to pay for your accounts? We have just one account for everything. I have the credit card, and I only use it if I order/book something online and they won't accept any other form of payment.
My husband uses paypal a lot, which, convenient as it may be, tends to sum up over the year. He realised the other day, so he decided to cut back.

Most current accounts are "free if you are in credit" in the UK, though that is changing, Bel.

The charges are vicious if you are overdrawn and punative if you go overdrawn without agreeing it up front, which is how the banks make their money (I assume).

As I said, there are now products which charge £5 or £10 per month in exchange for a bunch of benefits and discounts, and of course they rely on you forgetting to claim those.