h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Optimism is a dangerous thing, especially if you're an average looking and acting cynic with a tendency towards twattish behaviour. However, if you're an Aryan love-god or a fit guy who was met on holiday, you've no worries about being optimistic.
Otherwise there is no point. It'll just upset you as you will never get completely what you want. of course, you can also get about as far from what you want as humanly possible (or inhumanly possible). Oh, and then you'll upset other people. And so on. Til you go home, listen to The Smiths and nearly drown your pillow.

And never, ever, be optimistic about certain things such as death, and the opposite sex. Especially the latter. Don't be pessimistic either. Or apathetic. All of these are bad ideas that won't help anyone or get you anywhere apart from the familiar territory of the self: Self-pity, self-loathing, self-disgust. There is also self-mutilation, but as cries for help go, you'd be better off standing in the rain staring at horizons. This doesn't work either but it hurts less physically.

The problem with not being optimistic, pessimistic or apathetic is that no-one has found an alternative to these three. In theory there could be an overwhelming sense of love. In practice, 'Hey, this is the 21st Century. Things are screwed up big time! Yeah!'

For example, "relationships." Not relationships, but "relationships". As in:

'Do you see this relationship going anywhere?'

What a strange question. Are people too dumb to work out if they're either in or out of love? It is more likely that most people wouldn't know Love if Love went to town, riding on a pony, stuck an arrow up their arse and called it matrimony. It may be a bit awkward to ask but it beats this tedious issue that doesn't even exist. This is the first example of someone creating something out of nothing. 'Someone' was probably a TV soap scriptwriter or a woman who wanted to dump her boyfriend. She had a chat about their "relationship" and concluded with the 'I don't see any future in this, do you?' line that scientists have estimated to be 413% clueless (people look to the future with optimism you see...). The Bloke will either respond 'But...you know...love...and all that?' or 'I'll get me coat.'

Of course, there's always hatred...