h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, it's been another crazy weekend on our swiftly spinning sphere, what with the capture of the Maryland Snipers (by a truck driver, no less)and that crazed pack of Chechnians(sp?) getting the gas from dear Mother Russia, so in the spirit of international cooperation I have decided to share my short list of planetary survival rules in the hope that they might be read and applied to the benefit of all.

And no, I'm not about to get sappy or obnoxiously religous, have no fear.

THE RULES
or: how to play nice with the other monkeys

1.Share. (this is fairly self-explanatory)
2.Live Life. (the past is past, the future is unwritten. Today is all we have...make the most of it.)
3.Some People Shouldn't. (AKA the 'spandex rule' also applies to weapons of mass destruction and that silly deep-fried twinkie travesty that's sweeping my humble country. Just because one can, doesn't mean one should)
4.Don't Be A Dumbass. (this covers things like eating the paste, playing with electricity, eating deep-fried twinkies...you get the picture)
5.Don't Believe Everything You Hear. (about anything, be it politics, religon, science, sport, or even this silly bit of personal philosophy, put it to the test or don't believe it)

Well there it is, friends & neigbhors, The 5 Rules. Nothing as complex as the 10 Commandments, and a lot more user friendly.

I welcome all feedback, questions, comments, anecdotes, family histories (if they're brief) anything but a letter-bomb (my landlord still hasn't forgiven me for the mess the last one made).

'Till next time, kids!
-Locke