h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The lyrics for S Club Library's debut and farewell concert follow. To explain, for those who don't already know, this was a fundraising concert I did with a trio of colleagues in November 2002, with Children in Need getting the proceeds. We took a number of cheesy pop songs and adapted them for our own purposes. Lots of fun, but very silly indeed. And never, ever to be repeated! We wore colourful t-shirts with our abbreviated e-mail handles on them (in sequins...). Lovely. And I should perhaps explain that we did this to karaoke-style backing tracks.

Anyway, first up was a completely 'straight', full-length version of S Club 7's 'Don't Stop Moving', which I won't post here, as that would violate copyright.

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Then, we have 'The Coffee Break Song', to the tune of the Spice Girls' 'Wannabe'. My female colleague A took the lead on this, with backing vocals from the guys (myself, S and P - who can't sing a note, so was very brave to do this). The lyrics were a collaboration between A and myself.

Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want
(So tell us what you want what you really really want)
I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want
(So tell us what you want what you really really want)
I wanna (shh!), I wanna (shh!), I wanna (shh!), I wanna (shh!)
I wanna, really really really wanna coffee break, ah!

A - If you want refuelling, it won’t be long
P - If you wanna fill your tum, better hold on tight
S - Now don’t go wasting time doing work
Me - Get your wallet ready or you’ll go beserk

Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want
(So tell us what you want what you really really want)
I wanna (shh!), I wanna (shh!), I wanna (shh!), I wanna (shh!)
I wanna, really really really wanna coffee break, ah!

ALL - If you wanna go on coffee, you better wait ‘til half ten
Make it last forever, last one until lunch
If you wanna go on coffee, you have got to wait
We know that it’s hard, but that’s the way it is!

- - - -

Then, 'The Fine is High', sung to the Atomic Kitten version. In unison, mostly. Lyrics by A.

The fine is high but I’m holding on
You’re gonna pay this one
She’s not the kind of girl who’ll waive fines just like that, oh no!

It’s not the things you do that make your fines so big,
But it’s the fact you don’t renew your library books,
I’m not the kind of girl who’ll waive fines just like that, oh no!

The fine is high but I’m holding on
You’re gonna pay this one
The fine is high but I’m holding on
You’re gonna pay this one
You’re to pay, you’re to pay

Every student wants to have a clean slate,
But that means your books can’t be a day late
I’m not the kind of girl who’ll waive fines just like that, oh no!

The fine is high but I’m holding on
You’re gonna pay this one
The fine is high but I’m holding on
You’re gonna pay this one
You’re to pay, you’re to pay

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A little bit of Elvis vs JXL came next, with lyrics written by me. We hand-jived to much of this!

A little less conversation, a little more reading, baby
All this mobile texting, ain’t satisfactioning me
A little more sense, a little less fines
A little less rude, a little more smiles
Close your mouth and open up your mind,
That’ll satisfy me
Satisfy me

Baby, close your mouth and listen to the silence
Perfect when ya wanna read
Searching on the OPAC – show ya how to use it
Come along and let me put your mind at ease

A little less conversation, a little more reading
All this mobile texting, ain’t satisfactioning me
A little more sense, a little less fines
A little less rude, a little more smiles
Close your mouth and open up your mind,
That’ll satisfy me (satisfy me)
Satisfy me (satisfy me)

Come on baby, I’m tired of talking
Grab your books, and let’s start studying
Come on, come on (come on, come on)
Come on, come on (come on, come on)
Come on, come on (come on, come on)
Ahhhhhhhhhhh

A little less conversation, a little more reading
All this mobile texting, ain’t satisfactioning me
A little more sense, a little less fines
A little less rude, a little more smiles
Close your mouth and open up your mind,
That’ll satisfy me
Satisfy me

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Another one of my songs (I took the lead vocal on this one), this was performed to the Will and Gareth version of the Beatles classic.

It’s a long and lonely night, when we’re here to half nine
We never disappear; neither does the time
Don’t leave us sitting here
‘Til we lock that door

On a wild and windy night, with the rain pouring down
You always stay at home
Waiting for the day
You leave us sitting here,
While you watch The Bill

Many times we’ve tried to help
Many times we’ve smiled
Ooh anyway you never stop, to talk and laugh a while
And still we always know
That there’s no-one else here
Don’t leave us sitting here
We just wanna help
Ohh...
Don’t leave us sitting here
‘Til we lock that door...

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Then a song to the tune of Steps' cover version of 'Tragedy'. Lyrics written collaboratively by all four of us:

Here we lie, in a lost and lonely part of college
Held in time, we sit and wait here patiently
Going on, we just can’t make it all alone
We really should be helping you, helping you
Assisting you, assisting you….

Library! When you feel you need to do some work
It’s the library! It’s the place to be to study
It’s full of books, just waiting to help you, they’re going nowhere
Library! With a friendly face it’s a real cool place
It’s the library! With it’s peace and calm, it’ll do no harm
It’s full of books, just waiting to help you, they’re going nowhere

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And the grand finale, with lyrics by yours truly. We managed to get several senior members of library staff to join in with the dancing for this one...

When the world, leaves you feeling blue
All those messy shelves, starting to get to you
When it seems, all your hopes and dreams
Of a tidy place, are a grand delusion

We’ve got to all stick together
Good friends there for each other
Never ever forget that I’ve got you and you’ve got me, lets

Reach for the shelves, and put books in their places
Reach for the shelves, with smiles on our faces
Reach for the shelves
And with old Dewey smiling over you,
That’s when your dreams will all come true

There’s a shelf, waiting just for you
It’s a special shelf, and the books will go there
Walk that way, run or skip or crawl
Push the trolley there, moving to the music

Don’t stop, gotta keep moving
Gotta keep, keep on improving
Never ever forget that I’ve got you and you’ve got me, so

Reach for the shelves, and put books in their places
Reach for the shelves, with smiles on our faces
Reach for the shelves
And with old Dewey smiling over you,
That’s when your dreams will all come true

Don’t believe in all that you’ve been told
The sky’s the limit, you can reach you’re goal
No-one knows just what the future holds
There ain’t nothing you can’t be, with a library at your feet!

I said reach!
Climb every kickstool (reach!)
Tidy those shelves (reach!)
Follow the numbers
And your dreams will all come true

Reach for the shelves, and put books in their places
Reach for the shelves, with smiles on our faces
Reach for the shelves
And with old Dewey smiling over you,
That’s when your dreams will all come true
Reach for the shelves, and put books in their places
Reach for the shelves, with smiles on our faces
Reach for the shelves
And with old Dewey smiling over you,
That’s when your dreams will all come true



There, I bet you're glad you don't work here.

David

! Managed to avoid confusing coworkes by sort-of singing along - but only barely. Very well done lyrics, methinks

Thank you.

*cracks up laughing* Brilliant! Well done David.

Musical heaven! I did enjoy that ... thank you

Mol

Very good. The Tragedy one reminds me of a version done on a school trip to Snowdonia:
"Here I am in a lost and lonely part of Wales
Wreathed in mist as I slowly drown
I really should be home and dry, home and dry, home and dry."

Brilliant David.

Now I'm going to be humming Library for the rest of the night.

I enjoyed your version of 'Library' as well, Teuchter.

Even now, nearly three years later, no-one who was there can hear 'Reach' on the dance floor without automatically thinking of our version.

I think you may be becoming a star at my mum's work... she works at a uni library, and used to work in a college library. Maybe they are all v similar

There's definitely a similar vein of mild (?) insanity running through most libraries, and higher education ones seem particularly susceptible.

I don't think it's a mild vein: it's one that runs deep!

I think Librarians only come in two kinds: good and e-vil. You agree?

Evil librarians, surely not...

Definitely!!! Those whose heart has been shrivelled up, to be replaced with a bank book for fines, and don't want people to borrow books...

It's scary (and probably a result of sepnding too much time in the Uni library this summer) but I've actually got a good mental image of the video for your last song
Very disturbing.

I hope you don't end up being haunted by dancing librarians. That would be far too scary...

David

There's a good chance the image will stay with me for the next few days and anytime I go Scuba diving (I use S Club 7's repetoire as diving songs that help maintain sanity in deep dark places)