h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Is it really true we want the most the things we can't have? I did think about just leaving this Journal at that really, because I think thats probably as much sense as I'm going to make of that question.

I'm not sure I'm going to say anything especially profound with this journal, but I felt I had to say something, because something is eating me and I can't quite explain it.

There are some people we connect with on a level that you can't quite explain, sometimes they're people we'll never meet like through a book, or a song, or a poem. And sometimes you're fortunate to meet these people in real life, and then you're duty bound to do something about that. But what? How do you plan to do something about something you can't explain? And its like that... a feeback loop, in my head.

And too often when I'm faced with people like this I can't do anything. Its like the part of my brain responsible for dealing with this has been ripped out and sent floating in space. Like any broken piece of machinary you repair it, you fix it up the best you can, usually involving sticky tape, string and some glue. But the other parts of my brain still struggle to juggle all this information.

See for a while I thought it was just a matter of experience, I'd figure it all out eventually, but I'm disturbingly coming to the conclusion that it might be more than that.

I'm sure this will be jibberish to most people. I'm quite obviously able to communicate, I'm extremely lucky that I have all five of my senses functioning at a fairly reasonable level (although burning my tongue earlier in the year seems to have slightly effected one of them), but its like I'm missing some sixth sense that many (if not most) other people have. Its like I have a pre-programmed set of things I can say and I can function as a normal human being with these, but beyond that, if I have to get closer to someone its like I don't have the words. They're just not there. But its like my brain is screaming out for someone to stop that torture, to plug in whatever thing that needs to be plugged in and let that part of my brain work.

I try to explain it to people and they tend not to want to know. And the annoying thing is on the inside I know there are so many fantastic things I can say to people, if I could just put a mike to my head and let my brain just send out these thoughts, people would understand.

I have met a handful of people who seem to understand me, but even then I'm not entirely sure I can express to them what they mean to me. Well if I never put it anywhere else, and even if they never see this, they mean the world to me.