h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I clearly do not belong in the National English 'Mustn't Grumble' League. Ah well.

Today I'm annoyed about three things really.
Firstly, in my paycheck today I got docked a days pay for being sick. Fine, except in my contract it says 'consult company handbook' and in the company handbook it says 'sick pay is paid solely at the discretion of the company'. Nowhere is there any mention of having to be employed there for 12 months prior to claiming sick pay. Nobody took me aside after that day and said 'look, this is how we do things, glad the opportunity arose to discuss it' or something of the sort.
At least it was only a day, eh?

Second, the company did rather well last year so they've paid out to all staff of the last financial year, a nice bonus related to performance. As I started working there about a week into their new financial year, I figured hey ho, next year.

Thirdly, having worked for a lot of different companies, state-run as well as private, I have never before in my life not received some sort of Christmas bonus. I even got two last year, £40 from the company I was temping at, as well as a little extra from the agency. I think I'm probably just suffering from a case of over-entitlement really.

So, in other news; I think DT is going to hate his x-mas presents.
He remains stubborn in his denial to get pets. I want either a ferret (and yes, I do know they are hard to keep and realistically, impossible for us with all our leads and wires, but they have such character) or a dog. Believe I am wearing him down on the dog one. The thing that worries me is that I seem just to be rather a lonely person at the moment, having no friends of my own in the UK and a rather sporadic relationship with the people left behind in Iceland. So it all makes me feel very needy and the smallest little thing can send me reeling and I'm just thinking that my neediness is a rather large thing to put onto a little pet/dog/puppy.

In further other news, diets have been postponed until the new year. I never can think about not eating when there is christmassy food everywhere. Also, work do was rather jolly last week. I remained a perfect lady the entire time, at the envy of other laydies with my swap of flat strappy sandals for my previously worn strappy, sexy, ribbony stilettos. Result!

Grumble, grumble, Christmas, bah humbug

Bit of a pain about the sick pay thing - I've never heard of a company not paying sick pay to an full-time contracted employee.

Re. the bonus - I've never had one, so think yourself lucky! I also missed out on our performance-related pay last year (you had to have been there for six months and I missed it by a week and a half) so I won't see any until I'll have been here for a year and a half. That riled me a bit.

I'm sure DT won't hate his Christmas presents - why do you think that? Tricky to discuss on here, I suppose, as he's onsite too (I have that problem with my own little stalker at home ). If they're from you, and bought with love, he'll like them. And if he doesn't, you can always take them back and buy yourself something nice instead!

Dogs - yay, we'd love a dog but with the two we have it's not really fair on them to get one at the moment. Perhaps when we have our own house - our tenancy agreement specifies two cats and nothing else. Good of you to think of the dog, but unless your neediness affects the dog's behaviour, ie. you indulge it so much that it doesn't know where its position in the household is etc (have you seen some of those dog behaviour programmes on TV recently?), then I think you'd be OK.

Why are you lonely? Do you find it hard to meet people, to let your guard down? You seem pretty approachable and friendly on here. And you have friends on here don't you, so you're not completely friendless....

On Lbclaire and DannyB news: I put our up last night - I'm starting to feel a bit Christmassy now!

Lbclaire

Well, the sick pay thing is just annoying, really. I don't think I mind, cause I'm generally not off that much and if it is other than self-certified, you'd get statutory sick pay/pittance.

The bonus thing was a surprise, I will admit. But then, things are done differently in different countries and the social welfare/benefits system and workers rights are a whole different kettle of fish to here. Although, by the end of next year, assuming I will still be here, I will definately qualify for a bonus and possibly, my manager is interested in putting admin staff into the sales bonus scheme, as we do a lot of the work..

Your Christmas stalker, is that different - more festive, possibly - from your usual one? Do you have a good one for Sundays and a normal one for everyday use? Or a more relaxed one when you're at home?

Re. dogs (or gods, as I seem intent on typing) I think my feeling about them is that neediness is not the right reason to do anything, have a kid, get married, get a pet. So I want to be sure that that isn't my only motive. On the other hand, I've always wanted a dog of my own (have had family dogs as a child etc) and as we aren't ready to have children, I figure now's the time. Haven't seen the horror telly pet shows though. Tend to try and avoid carcrashes, on telly or otherwise.

Regarding loneliness - I think DT and I are fairly inactive/lazy and rather insular. We don't go out much and when we do, we go out the two of us. We have friends, as in couple-friends, but we do couple-things. I'm not the sort of person to have lots of 'friends', I'm more of a 2 friends-for-life type. I've had my best friend in Iceland phone me at 4 in the morning (it was ok, I only left her house at 2) to ask me to help her look for her dad, as she feared he'd had a heart attack while fishing. I've cried my eyes out in her arms as bl'dy ex cheated on me and I was the last (naturally!) to find out. I seem to be a sort of overly demanding, yet would give entirely the same in return, sort of friend. Not really the casual sort, it would appear, in love nor friendships. Which isn't really a bad thing, just makes it hard/strange to get to know new people in a new situation. Plus, clearly, I need a hobby. Am working on that one though. Might run a quick poll actually (in no particular order), which would you pick?
* horse riding (pounds and £s, but doable)
* photography (too solitary as it is?)
* gym (pounds and £s, but doable)
* evening classes (mostly arty stuff)
* surfing (distance an issue)
* pool (too solitary?)

However, saying that, I'd really just like to do all of that!

As to trees and tinsel, we've also done ours. We're off to Iceland for the first half of the merries, so if we want to enjoy trees etc at home, we need to do it early.

What are you guys up to for your merries?

Oh, and thanks so much for cheering me up. It was very nice to find you here today.

cheers ismarah

My Christmas stalker is slightly more festive than usual, yes. He's put two Christmas presents under the tree for me - sorry, has put two presents under the tree for me - already!

You're right that neediness isn't the right reason to do anything, definitely. But if having a dog will get you out and about more (and dogs are always a good conversation point), and give you something else to focus on, I say go for it. As long as your reasons also include wanting to give a dog a good home (you would get one from a rescue centre, wouldn't you?). Dogs don't have the hangups that we do. Of course they can be affected by our emotions and behaviour, and this often reflects in their own behaviour, but they won't stress about the reasons they're there with you - they'll just appreciate the love, food and warmth.

I'm the opposite in terms of friendships - I tend to have lots of more casual friends, through my drama and operatic groups. I'm quite bad about keeping in touch with people, and let things slide. I know which friendships are important to me as I try harder to keep in contact.

In terms of hobbies, I'd try to go for something where you can meet other people. Horse riding would be good, as it's something you wanted to get back into anyway, and as long as you pick your stables carefully and find some friendly, cheerful people rather than snobby, cliquey types, you should get to know people that way. The gym, pool and photography and both quite solitary pursuits, unless you joined a photography club I suppose.

The way I've met all my friends since university is through drama groups - it really is one of the best things, but you do have to be interested in joining. You can always join and just do backstage stuff though.

We're having Christmas Day on our own, eating lots and playing games, as we did last year. Then we're off to my parents on Boxing Day for a couple of days, then home for a night, then to D's parents and home on NYE - phew!

Lbclaire

I'm thinking evening classes and maybe riding might be the way to go at the moment. Oh, and a fairly remarkable thing happened; after I did more research into ferrets and was able to tell DT about all of it, he's agreed to come with me for a house visit to someone local to here that keeps them. I've contacted that person and she's agreed to us visiting in January so that looks promising.

Unfortunately, we'd not be able to go to the pound for a dog, should the opportunity arise. There are only a few breeds that are considered suitable for people with allergies, and we'd have to go for a purebred puppy one of those. DTs fault there, I'm afraid.
If it was just me on my own, I'd probably get something mutty and big, but not daft. My parents have an irish setter at the moment, and although it's calmed down a lot, it's still daft.

We're off to Iceland tonight as a matter of fact, so I'm supposed to be off and packing! You can see why that would help, can't you?

Loneliness/neediness isn't normally an issue for me. It's been there for awhile, it's normally under control. Sometimes it flares up a little bit and then I'm down for a few days, but mostly I'm ok. It's just there and something I'd really like to change. But I also think it's been with me for a long long time, maybe even all my life, so maybe the problem isn't that I have few/no friends, it's that I'm stuck on this idea that I have few/no friends. Hope that makes sense.

As to drama clubs - I'm not much of a joiner. I'm also pathologically afraid of making a fool of myself, but I'm not shy with it. Put me on stage and I'm fine. Put me on stage with other people and I'm fine, as long as I'm in control of the situation. Plus, think I may have some scarring from being made to be the lead in every single school play until a certain age. I could memorise the most lines, you see...

Playing games, under the mistletoe? Suit you madam, suit you!

Take care - see you after xmas

cheers ismarah

ps, my name is Kay

Hi Kay

How strange, I always think of you as Ismarah, even thought that might be your real name as it sounds a bit Icelandic!

If you do get a ferret, I know people on my raw feeding Yahoo group who have them so I can pass on advice if you like.

Have you ever tried Bach flower remedies by the way? I'm a Level 2 Bach student (sounds impressive doesn't it ) and one particular remedy, Water Violet, leaps out at me for you. Might help you to open yourself up to new people and situations, become a bit less reserved and so less apart from people and subject to loneliness.

Anyway, hope you both have a lovely Christmas with lots of and .

Lbclaire (Claire, if it's not completely obvious )

Sorry for the late response! Am rude and know it, but v v sorry..

As to the Bach stuff, yes, I've heard of it. I have the usual 'rescue remedy' from Boots that I carry with me along with epi pens, steroids, allergy tablets etc. Other than that, I've not really looked into it. I do feel calmer after taking some though. As someone who is very unobservant as to what agrees with me or not and what has any effect on me or not, I did notice that these work fine, so I figured that was a good thing.

Real name is rather more complicated than 'Kay' but that's become somewhat my english name, my nickname. Craig always calls me Kay and he's never called me anything else, and same goes for inlaws.

I've now started a blog in order to keep in touch with people in Iceland better and let people know what's going on, so that's cool. Holiday was lovely, very relaxed and just generally dozy. NYE bash was a good'un, lots of people came and food was a success, so yeah me on that one. Then today Craig and I went off shopping for a big new bed, which hopefully will make us sleep better and be good for our backs too. We're currently at the 'banging elbows together' size of bed and need one that is more 'space for all elbows' sized.

Now I'm trying to work out in my head whether to just chill out for the rest of the evening (we just came home) or do something productive, like dismantle the christmas tree. Haven't decided yet..

cheers ismarah

Happy New Year to you!

Glad you had a good time. I'm very jealous of you having a relaxing, dozy holiday. We spent the whole time rushing from one set of relatives to another, and as our family is spread between the Midlands, Lincoln and Sheffield, and we had to come home to Oxfordshire in between to reassure the cats that we hadn't completely abandoned them, it was not exactly relaxing. We insisted on having Christmas Day on our own though, and that was lovely. Lots of s, and games!

New beds are lovely - I got one a few years ago. Ours has to be big enough for all four of us, because the cats take up twice as much room as we do!

Taking down ...yes, I need to do that tomorrow night.

Lbclaire