h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

the worst day I've had, well, yes! since 'you know what' happened. and more of the same for the next few days. i have no tiddle tid buffer. i'm actually begining to get concerned.

and ironically, all this on a relaly super great weekend for jamie

update:

*takes deep breath* I'm on an up finally. hard to say how long i have, but i'm going to try to sleep. hopefully I won't have any more dreams of blood and foul smells

This might not work for you, but I find some of the gentler bits of classical music help me to drift off to sleep and into calm dreams. Having some incense in the room tends to help a bit too. (Make sure it's finished burning before bedtime of course - safety first...)

There's also the tried-and-true option - the teddy bear. Or at least an extra pillow or two.

the problem with music is that it distracts me. maybe because i studied it or something. its hard for me to find relaxing music. i should get a cd of some baroque. that stuff is really restauranty and predictable, that might work.. i need to keep things smoke free, because of my asthmatic little boy. i have an oil infuser thing somewhere...problem is, my sh*t is all packed up and getting ready to move to my mom's new house..gah. teddy bear...i don't have one around, and if i used one of the kids', id just start crying again. (They're gone til the f*ck*ng 10th! ). I think that's what did me in. I'm a sort of functioning wreck as it is, but parental responsibility keeps me active and interactive and whatnot. There's also the fact that when they're gone i feel like my brain and my limbs are missing. I very much need my tiddle tids.

i guess i could stick futurama on, yet again. thing is, my nerves are all strung out because he *may* call (i haven;t had a call from him in a month) he *may* come online..i don't want to miss him. my life has become pretty lovelornlame ..blah. at least he shouldn't ever have reason to question my devotion. of course, if i was able to work or have a routine outside the house as well, instead of being the little unplaced housewife, i might have more perspective to work with. maybe that's the whole package - i don't get to be wife or mommy, and at this point in time, there isn't much more to me than that

Why hasn't he called and why can't you arrange for certain times to both be on-line? It really sounds like you are getting worked up about things you don't feel in control of, so maybe finding little bits you *can* control will help.

Yes, I'm sure not having the kids around takes away some possibly much-needed distraction atm, but perhaps you could use this time to yourself in some positive way?

Oh, I'm really crap at advice, but I'm told I'm a good listener, so keep 'talking' if you want to and I'll attempt to make some 'intelligent mumbles' from time to time.



az

Oh. Right. I think I'm beginning to see the bigger picture.

Music-wise, how about some Hildegard von Bingen? Well, not her of course, on account of her having spent the last 800 years in a non-viable state, but a recording of her choral works as sung by other people. Very calm, very placid, and of course not too technically complex. A friend of mine calls it 'mediaeval trance'.

As for non-smoky aromas, how about a few drops of vanilla essence in a small bowl of water? (Of course if everything's packed you may have trouble finding a bowl, or the vanilla essence, or possibly even some water if you've done a *really* thorough job... Sorry, I'm being a tad flippant, but that's what happens when I'm trying not to think about being home by myself on another Saturday night when there's nothing much on TV.)

On the positive side - yes, I think there is one - if it's the absence of your household that's getting you down, then maybe this period of upheaval will serve to prove that your life is going along lines that make you happy. It's just that there are a few technical problems at this precise moment, that's all. (I think that might have come out wrong, but I hope you can see what I'm getting at. It's late and it's been a physically challenging day, so my brain isn't running on full power.)

Why hasn't he called? He and I politely (ha) disagree on that matter. We're both online frequently, but he's either at work or really tired and doesn't talk much. Umm...

Control, yes, that is the thing too. I have none. I've done everything that I can from over here, and now I have to wait. Thing is, we have very different ideas about planning. I like details hammered out, or at least reasonable guesses to be made, things on paper, you know? He's not into that, and when I bring it up things generally dissolve quickly. It's hard I think to understand each other's needs from this distance. We're still a relatively new couple so that doesn't help things either. That and I'm way too attached to him. I envy those girls who can just let their husbands walk out the door on business or something and not come back for ages. Wait, no I don't. I'd rather be painfully in love. I may knot up on the inside when the central unit is disrupted, but at least I know where my treasure is.

I'll look into that music.

I think I can see that. I mean, what would I do if he left and I found that I just didn't care and started fantasizing about northern california again? I feel sorry for the poor boy getting the brunt of all this obsessiveness though . I'm not sure I can make it worthwhile for him.

Hmm . You sound a little like Liz in this respect. Im laid back to the point where its a fault. When people dont call I say no news is good news and can go days without contact with people and never think anything of it yet spend hours talking when I feel moved to. This drives her up the wall and quite often she concots all sorts of reasons why I have not called or returned her messages which end up with her feeling or and quite often a bit of both.

There are no easy answers, that I know of, if you find one please let me know. In the meantime I hope you feel better soon

Well, it's easy to figure out isn't it? I love boy. I feel compelled to try to communicate that to him. Boy loves me. He feels compelled to...not respond or otherwise keep feeding the connection? I just don't get it. Maybe it just is harder for some people. Thing is, I don't give a sh*t. I make sacrifice A, say making some that's a pain in the a** from scratch or stroking his back every night, and in a nicely reciprocal world, he learns what sorts of responses I need and tries to provide them. I don't want our relationship to be grin and bear it ordeal in order to please each other, but come on. And his soul and his facility with language leave him with no excuse. This leads to obvious conclusions 1 and 2, which Liz can probably relate to - 1. He doesn't care and/or 2. He must not really love me like I/he thinks he does.

Neurotic, sure, but it makes sense .

I personally *could not* deal with the no phoning thing in a situation such as yours. And, no, it doesn't make any sense that he wouldn't also feel a need to talk to you. So, why doesn't he pick up the phone now and then? Would it kill him? Men!

az

I'm not sure whether it's better to be agreed with, since it could just add weight to my p*ssedoffness if I'm in the right

Yeah. Men. They give me the proverbials, and I'm one of them. Goodness, how mixed up I must be. They're not all like that - it's just most of 'em.

What I don't understand is why women are the ones who are said to most frequently give out the mixed messages..any theories? :P

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Well . . . yeah! How else would you expect her to feel, blicky? Sheesh.

Meanwhile, if I were a man and my loved one was more than 3,000 miles away and, even if I personally was the type that didn't require even occasional communication, saw that my loved one *does*, then *what* would be the most logical and loving thing to do? eh? eh?

az

Can't help you with that one *at all*... Not my area of knowledge.

So, no hot date tonight, Ivan?

I'll be going through 'dateless Saturday night' in approx. 7 hours.

az

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Well, yes. Any time a person attempts to communicate what they feel they run the risk of being misinterpreted. And so if you never bother doing this you will never give out a mixed message! Easy, huh?

az

Az, I think you might be right... if a bloke never says anything, he can't have his words quoted back at him in a hurt manner in the future. Of course there's another theory which says that a bloke doesn't say much because he's simply not thinking about anything in particular and doesn't want to be found out.

(No hot date tonight. Not even a lukewarm one. *sigh*)

Well, never mind, Ivan. I'd be too embarrassed to publicly admit when my last date was, hot or otherwise. That is, if I could even remember!

Got any of that left?

az