h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, I am lots of people, and I do talk quality nonsense.

I think I will go mad. Recent events just show me that the real world isn't a nice place. I think I may think I'm a slice of lemon and content myself with jumping in and out of a gin and tonic (or something that thinks it is one).

TK

If I were you, I'd jump in and out of something that isn't a G&T. You'll end up smelling like old ladies otherwise...

Mmm, good idea- I don't even like gin, on account of it smelling like old ladies, and tasting marginally worse.

I could jump in and out of a Jack & Coke, that would be nice

TK

I'd say that was a much more sensible idea

Definitely. Care to join me?

TK

I would, but cola may stain my shoes... I think I'll just spectate, if that's all the same...

*goes to find a scoreboard to set up a jack&coke jumping competition*

You don't wear shoes if you're a slice of lemon.... duh. In fact, as a slice of lemon you wouldn't wear all that much at all.

TK

I'd be afraid about getting my rind all yucky... I'll go in for a dip later

Take your rind off then, I won't look.

TK

Nah, I'll sit out and organise the competitions. I'll refill the glass when it gets too empty. I'm just making shalow excuses for my own hydrophobia

Gah. You're no fun.

TK

I am sorry.... Even the thought of swimming is making me feel irritable and uncomfortable...

You honestly don't like water?

TK

honestly. Last time I was anywhere near a swimming pool I cried.
I'm okay with the sea, at least it looks pretty and doesn't expect me to swim in it

Any particular reason for the phobia? Childhood trauma? Or just a baseless fear such as my overly girly reaction to bees?

TK

As Grandpa Simpson would say..."a little from column A, a little from column B..."
The amount of people who I know who are scared of bees and wasps is incedably large... and most of them are male. I'm actually quite wary of anything with wings.

My dad's scared of birds, which can be tremendously funny in public.

TK

I like birds, but they should come close, because Ican not see depth so if they fly to me I can not see where fly.

Damn seagulls!