h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hey everyone. Last night Jason and I acted on something we have been talking about for a long while. We moved our large computer table and both of our computers into the bedroom. There were lots of things wrong with having our computers in the other room. First of all, we live with Jason’s family, and all of their computers were in the same room. This meant that during the day and pretty much all the way through into the late evening we had up to three other people in the room making noise. Most problematic was the young retarded child. He’s not really retarded, but he is definitely the stupidest twelve-year old I have ever encountered. Every day he would come home from school and get immediately on the computer, blast his music, blast the small television next to his computer, play games, and babble for the rest of the evening. This made it next to impossible to get anything done. And things only got worse when the child got out of school for the summer. We had to cope with this all day long.

My boyfriend is a web designer and he has like four freelance jobs that have stacked up over the months and he hasn’t been able to get anything productive done on them. As you know, I enjoy writing very much. In fact I have been trying to rebuild my portfolio on my computer and add to it over the last few months because I wish to refresh my writing skills before I go back to school. First of all it took me an entire day and a half to finish my last web journal post because the child kept coming in the room, and I dislike him so much right now that I cant have even the slightest creative thought while he is in the room.

The reason I dislike him so much is because all he wants to do is sit and be entertained by flashing lights. He refuses to read, he refuses to go outside and enjoy nature while he still can, he refuses to do anything even somewhat intelligent. He also babbles constantly. For instance, I will be sitting on the computer and chatting with someone online. Perhaps they will say something funny, and I will giggle out loud. The child will immediately begin demanding to know what’s so funny, and launch into some sort of story about the funniest thing he’s seen that day, which, most of the time, isn’t funny. Lets put it this way: the child likes Carrot Top movies. Need I say more?

I have tried several suttle things since I moved in here to culturalize the child such as recommending intelligent reading material, offering decent music selections, and even trying to show him how to paint. Nothing has worked. Everything is too much of a hassle and he would rather be sitting around in front of two flashing screens at once. His parents don’t encourage him to do otherwise at all, so I have resigned my efforts and decided that it would be best for everyone if I just avoided the child altogether to prevent myself from smashing his head repeatedly against the wall.

Also, I have sort of an…issue. I have found over the last several years that creative inspiration comes to me much more easily while I am in the nude. I thought this was just insane for a while, and then I found out that one of my favorite writers, Terry Jones, has the same problem. Turns out he downright CANT write at all without being naked. I have no doubt that the problem is still quite insane, but at least I am not alone.

So here I sit, in the nude, finally able to listen to my own music while I write. No gibbering monkey-child, no hovering stepfather, no home and garden channel tutorials on how to paint little roses on every wood surface in your house coming from the television while Jason’s mother works at home. All I can hear is my music, and all I want to do is write. So yes. I will be posting a lot more often now. In fact, you’ll probably get sick of hearing me rant within the next two weeks.


Coming Soon: Top Ten reasons why Atlanta F**KING SUCKS!