h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

being more lucrative than waiting tables presents some opportunities for the genetically well-endowed with some physical coordination skills to make a killing for college tuition or whatever.

So here's some tips...

First you have to decide what sex you are so you end up in the proper venue. Like if you're a chic, it helps to have boobs, aka a nice set of knockers, whereas if you're a guy, you can forgo the knockers if you have rippling pectoral muscles.

We're going to concentrate on chics for now because that's how we were raised ok? So once you've checked out your anatomy to confirm that you do have boobs, you're ready to get started.

Of course even a chic without a huge bosom can get by if she's creative with her dance routines and she knows how to pose. Now that's a little difficult to articulate of course, but you'll know it when you see it so just checkout what other girls are doing and always remember, repetitive repetition is only exciting if you're doing it yourself. Watching it only causes people to yawn... repetitively.

Being able to shinny up a chrome plated pole is a very useful skill to include in a really creative routine. You need to be able to do it with some semblance of grace, however. And if you seem to be a klutz the first time, don't dispair because you may already have the requisite skills if you bother to practice what you learned in those gymnastics lessons your mama paid for that went for nothing because you got boobs before you got on the Olympic team.

Applying your youthful gymnastic skills diligently, you can quickly learn how to strip while hanging from your clenched thighs upsidedown without falling on your head. You'll soon realize too that pole dancing is sort of different from what fireman do when they slide down one because the idea is not to put out the fire but to start one. So just take your time... with the beat of course.

And also remember that all your moves should be orbital so you don't get to the end of something and jerk yourself out of joint. Plus stay in shape to avoid injuries from straining muscles you didn't know you had because you never bothered to ask your body where those muscles were and also because guys aren't going to pay to see something they can see at home for free.

Remember his wife already has a paying day job and maybe even a prenuptial agreement that entitles her to at least half his assets, dead or alive. So she doesn't have much incentive to keep her abs enticing but you do because you want to keep your night job and stay in the running for the thousand dollar 'private performance' opportunities that sometimes present themselves along with the high rollers... and the rest of the night is yours babe...

PS... to be continued whenever I think of something else... or get competent editorial advice...