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Back to the same old..

same old... aka crap but that's showbiz. Nobody ever gets it because...

1... They don't have a clue about what it really takes to survive in the world because they hire people to do that for them and...

2... When confronted with a just claim they just wanna giggle their way into receivership because they know you can't do nothing to collect anyways.

Well maybe it's time to find an even more trivial discussion so I don't have no expectations.

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Latest reply: Apr 21, 2002

I'm sorta learning...

how this stuff works a little now. Just made my first contribution to an existing discussion thread so we'll see what happens with that.

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Latest reply: Apr 18, 2002

Well now...

since you can't edit this stuff and since nobody's reading it anyways probably... I guess maybe I'll just do guide entries and really embarrass myself and the rest of the known universe.

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Latest reply: Apr 16, 2002

Medieval Vibrators

Well... who knows if they ever existed but I've been wondering. We sort of take electricity for granted now don't we, at least in the developed parts of the world.

I saw a drill press once from the 1880s. It looked pretty much the same as the ones your old man drools over at Sears sort of delaying your shopping spree when all you wanted to get was a bag clothespins. The main difference is that it's got this huge crank on the side instead of an electric motor.

So I'm wondering what a vibrator from the BE (Before Edison) era might have looked like or worked like.

If you go to Lucerne, Switzerland and checkout the clock tower, you'll find this huge room at the top full of cool stuff, gears and levers and pendulums, all made out of wood and all running more or less by themselves. So from that we can deduce that medieval Europeans knew how to build machines that ran by themselves, or at least enormous cuckoo clocks.

Ok, so now we have a source of power for our medieval vibrator although it's a little too conspicuous for doing private type things. Maybe if we could make it smaller like something you can windup instead of using weights dropping on ropes?

Ok, well I'm no engineer, just in case there was any doubts about that, so I'm not going to get into detailed calculations here. Instead I think we'll just surge ahead because I figure somebody must have devised some sort of a windup thing that we could use to power our vibrator so we don't have to tap into the village clock and get our bells rung both ways.

So I'm imagining this medieval chic kind of wedging her windup vibrator into her chastity belt and cranking away.

'Oh... uh... uuuuhh... oooo... aaaahhhh... *click... wind wind wind*... oh... uh... uuuuhh... oooo... aaaahhhh... oh gawd... *click* shiii... *wind wind wind* oh... uh... '

Ok so maybe you can see now that this thing has a design flaw. It tends rundown, at the wrong time, which probably explains why you don't see these things in the museums next to the chastity belts that don't need to be woundup.

So that should make you feel pretty lucky to be living in the EE (Edison Era) when we can just flip a switch and experience eternal bliss, until the batteries rundown, shiiii... where did I put the spares?

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Latest reply: Apr 16, 2002

Dancing on tables...

being more lucrative than waiting tables presents some opportunities for the genetically well-endowed with some physical coordination skills to make a killing for college tuition or whatever.

So here's some tips...

First you have to decide what sex you are so you end up in the proper venue. Like if you're a chic, it helps to have boobs, aka a nice set of knockers, whereas if you're a guy, you can forgo the knockers if you have rippling pectoral muscles.

We're going to concentrate on chics for now because that's how we were raised ok? So once you've checked out your anatomy to confirm that you do have boobs, you're ready to get started.

Of course even a chic without a huge bosom can get by if she's creative with her dance routines and she knows how to pose. Now that's a little difficult to articulate of course, but you'll know it when you see it so just checkout what other girls are doing and always remember, repetitive repetition is only exciting if you're doing it yourself. Watching it only causes people to yawn... repetitively.

Being able to shinny up a chrome plated pole is a very useful skill to include in a really creative routine. You need to be able to do it with some semblance of grace, however. And if you seem to be a klutz the first time, don't dispair because you may already have the requisite skills if you bother to practice what you learned in those gymnastics lessons your mama paid for that went for nothing because you got boobs before you got on the Olympic team.

Applying your youthful gymnastic skills diligently, you can quickly learn how to strip while hanging from your clenched thighs upsidedown without falling on your head. You'll soon realize too that pole dancing is sort of different from what fireman do when they slide down one because the idea is not to put out the fire but to start one. So just take your time... with the beat of course.

And also remember that all your moves should be orbital so you don't get to the end of something and jerk yourself out of joint. Plus stay in shape to avoid injuries from straining muscles you didn't know you had because you never bothered to ask your body where those muscles were and also because guys aren't going to pay to see something they can see at home for free.

Remember his wife already has a paying day job and maybe even a prenuptial agreement that entitles her to at least half his assets, dead or alive. So she doesn't have much incentive to keep her abs enticing but you do because you want to keep your night job and stay in the running for the thousand dollar 'private performance' opportunities that sometimes present themselves along with the high rollers... and the rest of the night is yours babe...

PS... to be continued whenever I think of something else... or get competent editorial advice...

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Latest reply: Apr 15, 2002

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