h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I arrived at Holoxial about a week ago, and have thus far been unable to write about my experiences. I made my way quickly through the fields of Ferodom in fear of anything lurking in the tall grass, I was almost discovered by a patrol of the evil monkeys from the Quartz of Miridan, fortunately I had my wits about me and hid in a nearby puddle. Puddles, here in the Kingdom of Ferodom, are rarely shallow and can reach staggering depths. Once the patrol had passed, I climbed from the puddle (shaking the various fish like creatures from my pockets) and made my way towards the village.

I arrived upon the midnight hour, found an inn and stayed there waiting for the arrival of the attack badgers and the platoon of petunias that 2legs sent me. The attack badgers arrived a few days after me, they are a very pleasant group of warriors. The leader, one known as Casidon, is wise and has taught me a great deal about the ways of the badger. I feel that this will be useful information in any battle we have with the evil monkeys of the kingdom.

I regret to write that the platoon of petunias was massacred on it's way through the fields of ferodom. They were blind sided by the Clover Guard, a vicious assasin squad from the heart of Mount Retrisivum. The petunias did not stand a chance, I will therefore be making my way towards the Midas pass and up Mount Retrisivum to destroy the Clover Guard and avenge the death of the platoon. Upon writing, i am still waiting on the rabbit assassin. We have been told to expect the rocky theme tune as a sign of his arrival, but none has been heard and no rabbit has been scene. We fear for his safety if he has taken a route through the fields of ferodom too. The ferret known as Francisco ahs been released from my charge, after a nasty incident in the local tavern (and a violent clash with an old man) I felt the need to discipline the ferret, unfortunately he bit me and I have sent him back to 2legs.

As we wait for the rabbit, we shall scout the surrounding areas. Work out the lay of the kingdom and make as many allies as we can, we will need as much force as possible to defeat the monkeys and return the nose, of which we seek, to it's rightful owner, 2legs.

For the nose!