h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, I've seen some things in my days - and nights - but when I saw the kids 8ft trampoline fly past the window last night I thought Holy sh**.

I have seldom been seen to move so fast - I sprung out of the seat like a young springy thing. and leapt to the front door.

There I had to halt since the new Christmas bike was blocking the exit - but with Herculean strength I lifted said bike out of the way and sprang forth out of the door into a gale of mammonth proportions.

The forest was screeching and trees bending in protest at the massive winds, and all the while the trampoline was attempting a 360 worthy of the recently visited Space Mountain.

I grabbed the legs and tugged, but the wind blew ever harder - we wind-surfed further along the edge of the forest.

Kid was there too, screaming by this time - she ran home to get us coats.

I managed to 'right' the trampoline, but it was looking distinctly out of shape. We then began slowly to inch the beast back home, but we could only lift it a few inches because any higher that that and the flamin' thing took flight again.

We inched it back from whence it came, but we were of course no better off since it would only go flying again if we let go.

So the kid sat on it while I thought about it.

Right, we'd have to somehow get it over my brand new picket fence and into the garden.

Now that was an operation and a half, bearing in mind the 10 year old doesn't have the lifting power of her crazed mother, and that the winds were still howling and trying to snatch it from our grasp.

Still, with a further moments thought I managed to maneuver it practically through the garden gate (I had to lift it over at a few points - but hey) and we placed it discretely in the least windswept corner.

It's still there this morning, but I'm loathe to go out and inspect the damage.

Just a normal Friday night in Lunatic Lodge then.

Ach, that's just a wee breeze lass. If it's wind ye be wantin' tae see ye need tae pop over here.

Hahaha!!!

Wee breeze my fat @ss it took our combined weight to keep the thing on the ground - that was no wee breeze it was the wrath of the Gods.

The wean thought the trees were going to fall on us when we were out there it was so bad.

Still, roof inspection this morning showed all was fine up top - just the metal bits of the trampoline look like they've been in a battle - on the loosing side - with the millenium falcon.

Haha, the stage manager said if I bring the bits round he'll straighten them out.

So it remained in the garden, then?

Just about, the storm was very severe, but very short lived.

I think we can straighten it out alright.

When I told the manual he said ...... 'what did I tell you .... is it destroyed?'

NO! Not at all says me and the kid, it's fine -

So it had better be fine pretty sharpish.

Don't you love it when the Instruction Manuals decrees they are right?

Never known mine to be wrong , but that could just be mine. I hear the Frankfurt Edition can sometimes be edited, mine appears to be written in stone.

I must have a look at the number on mine, I'm sure there are pages missing

It has probably been updated by now - mine needs a re-write, being written in stone I think it's cracked somewhere.

Stone can be so difficult.. you have to keep it dry

Mmmmm - would that explain why bits of it are turning to dust.

Do you keep dropping it?

wouldn't touch it.

*runs to get bargepole*

Aaah.. so the scrapping along the floor is creating the dust

Is that why the people on the TV look like they're broadcasting from ye olde london town - you know the one - the one in Gideons Way, all the fog and stuff - it's just dust then.

Where did I put that duster.

dunno...

That's that settled then, no dusting tonight.

*looks at the clock*

This morning...

Well, maybe I could run to a bit of dusting later today then - you've guilted me into it.