h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was headhunted today.

They phoned home and asked Old Spice - for it is to the legendary sixth Spice Girl that I did plight my troth - if they could speak to me. After some deliberation, I agreed to give them the benefit of my not inconsiderable talent and experience. As such, I start a probationary period at the school tuckshop a fortnight from today (I can moonlight my next RDO).

Old Spice's nose was put even further out of joint than normal that the invitation was not extended to include her, especially as she is a stalwart volunteer at the school with Breakfast Club experience under her belt. Don't you forget about me indeed. By way I think of mockery, Old Spice now opines quite breezily that I may have inadvertently become a DILF and that someone fancies a slice of the Trout.

Should I be flattered or battered?

You know the answer to that already.

More important, while the ILF is laughably improbable, the D is intriguing.

Go on. Tell us about your D-credentials.

Deltiologist. There are those who would you like to get their hands around my legendary portfolio of buses of the midlands.

B*gger. We'd hardly got the book on that one started. Typical fish, innit, gone for months and then incontinent the minute we need him to hold off a while.

Let's see - nope. We won't be paying out on postcard fetishism, bus-related or otherwise. And it would all have been oh-so-different if you'd have confessed to being a dickhead and/or a dipso.

The acronym finder can only suggest Delhi or Dhaka International Leather Fair.

More usefully, it has Rustler Derriere Online for RDO.

What about tram-related postcards?

Yes, rail-based transportation is dominant in my collection.

I went to visit RDO per ubi sutra and had to format my hard drive.

Try instead: Rostered Day Off.

I get one every fortnight.

Trout Montague