h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...or something!

On phoning up a certain national phone company that ain't the cable one, I asked for a phone book.

"What do you want a phone book for?", asks the girl.

"Ehm, because I don't have one", I reply, thinking of lots of sarcastic things to say but keeping my mouth shut cos I don't want to be too troublesome.

Now, is it just me or..?

idve told her it was cos id ran out of bog paper or cos i needed it to be a proper stalker

Ah, stalking! That would have been a good one

I was going to say something along the lines of "I'm going to wash my dishes with it" or something unoriginal like that

You can't reach the books on the top shelf?

RF

Well actually I can't

Here. Have a phone

RF

Cheeky bugger...

*Headbutts RF inna fork while scrawling SHORTARSES RULE OK on his skirting board*

Ah, the phone book. Many a night I've curled up by the fire with that book to find out who'd done it. I can never get past the Smiths.

*Spoiler Alert*

Turns out it was Zachary Z Zachariasson...

Bah!

I was sure it was gonna be Zeke Zykwinsky.

Aw and I thought it was Harry Potter who did Voldemort in at the end

It was always Zuider Zee in the books I read...they were mostly enky cloppy dears though*...

RF

* This is how I thought it was pronounced when I was younger.

Mon Dieu! The French phone ends at V with VIVIEN Marcel! Fetch Inspector Clouseau vite, vite!

zdt (eek, i could be the only Z entry in France couldn't i?)

Book? is that like one of those 'hardcopy' versions of webpages? I seem to remember them personally I blame the government, mary whitehouse and lulu.

The Governments issue them to people with Anger Management Issues & Kung Foo Fighters. Fret not, they plant a sapling in Milton Keynes & get Sting to hug it.

zdt

What I really want to know is if she is going to have one sent to you?

We're the only family with this particular spelling of name, and variously get placed alphabetically, phonetically with a reference to the alphabetical place, or under a different spelling which no-one else in town has, including a reference on the alphabetical place to the alternative spelling place. Not twice in a row have we been placed the same...

Cos he's got little legs! Oh, wrong punchline.

We've got three phone books, and Argyll one as that's our postal address and two Highlands and Islands ones as that's where we really live.

Said phone company sent everyone where we live the wrong phone book. When I realised we'd got the wrong one I rang up and asked for one for where we actually live. Several weeks later our village/comunity council did the same.

I used to update the customer information for the Swedish phone book before I got my job over here in scotland.

Doesn't really have anything to do with anything else, I just thought I'd share.

There's a pile of Croydon phone books in my mates block of flats if thats any help?