h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"Hello?"

"Hi George, it's Dick."

"Dick, it's three o'clock in the morning. YOu'd better not be calling just to whine about the bad publicity Haliburton is getting again."

"No, nothing like that. I've got a question, though. Why haven't we nuked those pesky terrorists yet?"

"It's not like I don't want to, Dick. You *know* the amount of grief I'd get from the d*mn environmentalists, liberals and other types of pro-terrorist wimps."

"Oh, yeah. Airborne radiation and stuff like that, right?"

"Right."

"Listen, George, I've got an idea on how we can get around all that."

"I'm all ears."

"Anyone who's seen a picture of you knows that, but what does if have to do with nukes?"

"Very funny. Get to the point."

"Okay, George, here's my idea. Why don't we develop some low-yield, high radiation nukes and put 'em in earth-penetrating shells? The immediate explosive damage wouldn't make for film footage that the liberals could really use against us that much and the ground would soak up a lot of the radiation, so the environmentalists would have less to moan about."

"You sure that would work, Dick?"

"Sure! We'd just need the right Public Relations campaign. We got the PATRIOT Act through, didn't we?"

"You know, Dick, you're right!" With the right advertising firm, we could probably spin this so it looks like we're really trying to hold back. Every now and then you have one. Who'd have thought?"

NOTE: THE CONVERSATION DESCRIBED ABOVE IS FICTIONAL. THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BELOW IS NOT. IT COME FROM "JANE'S INTELLIGENCE DIGEST," A WELL-RESPECTED SOURCE.

"New weapons for US arsenal"

"In November 2003, President George W. Bush signed new legislation that authorises research into low-yield nuclear weapons, including earth-penetrating weapons and enhanced radiation warheads. In the process of reviewing what the USA should do with its nuclear arsenal, the Pentagon believes that low-yield weapons will reduce the US' dependence on high-yield weapons."

[Jane's Intelligence Digest - first posted to http://jid.janes.com - 21 April 2004]

What the depleted unranium heads did not do it for them?

Was that just for practice?
Have they admitted they cause harm?
Have they learned what to do for the soldiers exposed?
What about the water resources and the children in other countries that have been ruined from those warheads?

I guess it is not ugly enough.

Don't be silly, boys & girls. It's only a bloody planet for g*ds sake, if this works we can buy another one!

*tsk tsk*

Terri

I'm sure it's covered in the insurance...

* sigh * ... how much is the planet insured for? I'd like to take a look at the policy ...

I'm not sure. Hey, do you think slash-burn farming counts as 'accidental damage'?

Hmm; "acts of g*d" worry me a bit.

zdt

Not to worry, George has a "special relationship" with God.

I hope it's not like the 'special relationship' George claims to have with Britain. That'd mean that George told God what to do and God always obeyed, no matter how much it ed off the rest of the planet!

God would have to check with his press secretary first, before doing anything like that.

And here I though that George was saying that he does what G-d tells him to do.

People who hear voices and identify them as G-d are kinda scarey, sometimes.

*puzzled*

But i thought George (PBUH) WAS G*d; & that Our Tone was the son of g*d in human form?

Have i got all this wrong then?

"and the meek shall inherit the earth"

zdt

Dear me, perhaps the relationship between the two big Gs is closer than I thought. Just look here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/uselections2004/story/0,13918,1201933,00.html .

‘If Bush wins, it will mean four more years of Middle East policy influenced by the evangelical belief that the Messiah will not return until Israel rebuilds a temple on the site of the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem... He dispelled any doubts about the strength of his Christian faith during his last press conference on Iraq, when he made it clear that God was personally directing him to fundamentally reshape the Arab world.’

There’s our Tony fondly imagining that he can influence American foreign policy if only he says ‘Yes, Mr President’ often enough, when actually George takes all his instructions regarding Middle Eastern matters from the voices in his head.