h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm quite a happy bunny, after some time of mentioning the fact to my bos (hints work well too), that I'm a web designer and programmer on minium wadge, I finaly get a decent pay rise, if I said 1/4 more? woun't be far off, now all I need to do if get that for the next few years . I also got a £300 bonus too for my recent work on an online shopping system in perl (I know it's not loads, but it's a small company, I don't expect big things yet), from scratch.

So heres to more money! at least I may beable to find a place to live that won't bancrupt me now...

-- DoctorMO --

Nice one! You said you were going for 20% at the meet - but looks like you've got 25%!!! Now's just to see if you can get it every year for 4 years now!!!

All the best.

Lifson Kofie

I wasn't expecting the bonus either, put that with the backpay, and I think I'm getting a laptop. or at least some pc hardware

-- DoctorMO --

I just got a nice big Xmas pay-cheque from my Saturday job. £520 as opposed to the usual £80! I bought myself 256 Mb RAM (£40) and a second-hand Palm m515 from Cash Converters- who obviously hadn't noticed the £50 memory expansion card in the back, and the £30 case around it!!! £189. Not bad!!! It gave up 2 days later though- so I contacted Palm, who are sending me a replacement for free!!!

Not bad at all.

you lucky devil, I got £200 chistmas bonus, I got a DVD player and a microwave, but for the whole house, I can't just buy things for myself, during chrismas, can I?

-- DoctorMO --

I've got a DVD player in my PC already. I bew it up a while back and had to get a new one. £35 from PC World!

I didn't get an Xmas bonus - I had to work for all that extra cash!!! Boxing Day, Christmas Eve, New Years Day!!!

I already had a DVD player for my PC, I wanted one for the TV ;-P

-- DoctorMO --

My Dad's got one for his TV. It's rubbish and goes all jerky when you use the zoom. He insists on using the zoom because we don't have widescreen and the black bars bug him. I'm happy with my PC one. Also everyone in my house is fed up of watching Hackers, Monty Python, Lord Of The Rings, and AI !!!

Frightenly familiar to my own DVD collection, take away AI and replace with Black Adder and you've got my collection. Oh and Falling Down, very funny film for the cinque! .

My new pay goes though tomorow, so I can't wait... and that not just because today I have no money atall, so I can't buy any food...

-- DoctorMO --

I liked AI. As a story, something to be entertained by, it was a bit slow, especially at the end - but as something thought-provoking I found it amazing!!! Blackadder is very cool too. I've not started getting the DVDs yet, but when I do - I'll be buying them from work with 25% off!!!

Did you see that program the other week - The Second Coming? That was awesome! My Dad sat there (If you can describe a 26-Stone lump of lard slouched in a comfy chair as "sitting"!) at the end of it and said "That was cr*p". He said that it was boring and hadn't entertained him at all. I tried to tell him that it was supposed to be more thought-provoking than entertaining, but he wouldn't listen. He said that he watches TV to be entertained, not to think. I tried to explain that watching all TV to be entertained is like trying to use all the programs on a computer, just to do sums. Notepad isn't desgined to do sums like Excel is, but they're all on there for the different people who want to watch them. He told me not to be stupid. Dad just seems to think that if he doesn't like something, no-one else should either, and that he's the only one entitled to have a view - unless of course we agree with him (v.rare!!!) Do you live in a house like that? Wait till I get to Salford in September!!!

Sorry about that - I had to let off a bit of .

No money, no food: I can empathise with that!!!

I can, but only with my sisters and my mum, my dad was rather enlightened when it came down to thought. just my mum want to watch here soaps and the only thing my sisters are interested in is music. whats the point of tring to get them to watch somthing that may improve there lives? Oh well.

I loved AI too, I just don't own it. I coun't watch the second comming, I was drowning in work and hormones. not a good mix.

Better get back to work now...

-- DoctorMO --

I'm sure it'll be on again at Christmas - it was great!!!

I know what you mean about the soaps - that's all my Mum and brother ever watch!!! (Dad doesn't usually live in the same house as us - long strange story)

The latest thing is Farscape. Now don't get me wrong - Farscape's great. I've enjoyed it when I've watched it - although I don't particularly go out of my way to make sure I catch every episode.

My brother has borrowed his friends Farscape videos, and no-one in our house has seen anything else for a month. Series one, series two and most of series three. Anyone elses use of the VCR is shouted at "They're on loan!!! They have to go back soon!!!" and anyone using the TV in the Kitchen to watch something else, is shouted at for having it tured up to a vagely audible volume. I am now so sick of Farscape you couldn't believe!!!

Oh well - only 2 weeks till the new Formula One season. Hope it's better than last year - I didn't bother watching much towards the end.

Everything and everyone down here is so superficial - Eastbourne has major drugs, theft and rats problems, yet no-one cares as long as the seafront looks nice and the sun is out. Give them a rainy day and it's the end of the world!!! Wait till I get back up north! People are more approachable, helpful, and accept that if it's raining, there's nothing we can do about it, so get the coats and unbrellas out and get on with it. So much as mention a coat or umbrella down here and everyone goes "Ewww! That's so geeky and unfashionable. How will anyone see my £50 shirt then?" It drives me mad. During my trips back to Stockport (We moved down to Eastbourne when I was just a baby), I've always found everyone and everything so much more realistic than down here. Have you ever had that impression?

I'd better scoot off to class soon. I've got my A-Level Computing, and now I've got a year to kill, so I'm doing Vocational A-Level ICT for laughs. Having done the Computing, it's a doddle!!!

yep ICT is a doodle..

Because I live in widnes, it's real hard to find people less vain. poeple are so down to earth it's becoming a problem for the soil (that and the toxic waste). there are only problems with kids who have nothing better to do, a council that insists upon charging fanominal amount of council tax, and a police force thats scarce. even the HQ shuts at 5pm and you have to get in touch with warington. *sigh*, personaly I've grown up in the kind of life were mirrors tend to get smashed, and I found myself realy suprised by my reflection when I go round to my friends. realy odd the way other people don't look and go 'is that realy me?', Oh well I gues it's given me chance to know the real me inside .

-- DoctorMO --

I know what you mean. Here everyone is so vain it's really frustrating. It's raining, everyone gives a weird look bcause I'm wearing a waterproof. They're all soaking wet in their little tracksuit tops and the likes, and I'm warm and dry. Who's the weird one!?! Drives me nuts!

We get the problems with kids too. We may be a tourist resort, but there's nothing for the kids to do. The beach is a mess, we've got very little sand, and the whole town is geared for pensioners, who also use it as a retirement place. We've got a park, but that's notorious for people getting mugged, kidnapped and raped, so barely anyone uses it!!!

I'm not sure about the rate of council tax, but our 2 bedroom council estate semi-detached house is supposedly worth £180,000!!! In Salford you could buy an entire road for that!!!

I was on Guide camp a few years back. No running water, no mirrors, no nothing like that. Eeryone else was going nuts, but I didn't care. Mirros are useful, but I've never missed them when they're not around. There's a large mirror behind the bar at the bowling center, near the pool tables. When we're playing pool, I sometimes look around and think, "Why is that person staring at me?" and after a few quick glances - I realise it's me!!! Most weird, but I know what you're saying!

The real me inside? I dunno - there are 5 of me, which makes it more confusing!!!

I wouldn't say there was more than one of me, I think there are systems all fighting for control and filtering rights to my brain. it can get rather crowded just said that.

Currently Registered Systems:
Martin(Body) - Tells DoctorMO and William what he needs and anything thats wrong with the senses.
DoctorMO(Mind) - Cognative parts, reasoning and so forth, looks to Diolian for suport, gets anoyed with Fredrik and William.
Fredrik(Reflex) - Silly part, that keeps telling Martin to do things behind DoctorMOs back.
Diolian(Conscience) - Keeps DoctorMO, Kevin and William in check and evaluates other people in light of what DoctorMO said.
Kevin(Reflective) - Evaluates Martin and DoctorMO and provides data to Diolian
William(Desire) - Dosn't care about anyone. he tells DoctorMO that Diolian is wrong alot, and that the Martin cann't be that wrong about it.

Trust me, my brain develops quickly into a soap of it's own

I'm glad it's not me that find other people vanity wierd. I can poke fun at them now no not realy, I'm not that crule... or am I...

Ah. I've got 6 selves.

Kate - Doesn't count. Died 6 years ago after being pushed in front of a car by fellow school kids. Kate's death sparked the generation of the others.

DHW - Don't know what DHW stands for - that's lost in the midsts of time! Complete psycho. Impossibly strong and agile for true capabilities of physical body. A bit like Terminator without the metal bits. Only around in prolonged physical emergencies.

Lifson - A bit wacky, stays up late staring at a computer sceen through a pair of shades writing websites and doing coursework. Super-geek. Stamina of a champion. Has been known to stay awake for a week on only coffee and the occasional 10 min shut-eye on the bus.

Kahnij - Absurdly quick reactions and heightened sense of sight. No emotions. Cool calm logic of a Vulcan.

Dave Rindt - Pretty damned normal, just for some reason has a male name. Don't ask. I didn't chose it!!!

Crashland - A bit of a survivalist. Everything can be solved with a multi-tool, a piece of rope, some matches, and a rifle.! A bit like Aragorn in Lord Of The Rings, but more up-to-date and quotes in Latin rather than Elvish.

Anger me when DHW is around and you're in danger! However try to ange me when Kahnij is around, and I'll just smile!!!

The majority of the time Lifson is on charge (like now), and the others only come out to play in certain situations. It usually (but not always) involves a conscious shift. I'd call them different moods, apart from the fact a that my physical capabilities actually seem to change, and not all of me can remember what the other one's have done, and they all have different opinions of things.

I'm weird. I know I'm weird. I'm enjoying my madness. Might as well - there's nothing I can do about it.

Vanity is a crazy thing. I'm just staying well away!!!

One of you got pushed under a car? Owch,

I walked infront of one with my eyes shut when I was 8. bit painfull, got over it eventualy tho'

Don't get me wrong, I'm not making any simplifications of how my brain works, just that all the people hanging around inside. they all want diferent things, but al least I can identify were the've poped up from. yours seem to be a little tinglard.

I do wish william would shut up tho, gets on my buggin' nevers, and sometimes he just tried to get around me. the cunning fox.

-- DoctorMO --

Yeah - I was never very popular at school (long story), and there was only one of me then. I didn't get anything more than bruises and minor cuts, but I did smack my head rather hard on the road. You seen that car speeding advert with the kid who gets hit? It was a bit like that, but I survived (somehow!). I was stunned by the blow to the head, so it didn't hurt that much - especially when you compare it to being shot!!!

The time I got hit by someone wielding one of those great heavy science stools was the best though. They've got great heavy blocks of wood at the top that you sit on, and this person was swinging it by the legs. At one point she swung it up around her head, and brought it crashing round to the side of my skull. I heard everyone gasp. I saw it hit me, I heard the clunk and the crack as it hit me, I smelt blood (although there was none!), and everything went into slow motion. The shock of the impact stunned me so I didn't feel the pain, and in a feat of speed, strength and agility only possible when you're not entirely in control, I grabbed the stool, threw it backwards down the room, landed two heavy punches on the girl's nose and sat down at my desk. The best bit was - I had no bruise, no graze, nothing. The only sign that anything had happened to me was that the whites of my eyes had gone very bloodshot, like they always do when I get a heavy impact to the head. It was very freaky, but very cool.

By rights I should have been dead around 19 times over by now, yet I've never even broken a bone. I sometimes wonder if I'm invunerable. I've offered a few friends £10 if they can break my leg. A couple have tried (without success - but I had some massive bruises!) - so I'm really wondering if I should follow my true dream and become a stunt-man after all!!!

I bet it must be hard work keeping all yours in order. I can see William being a pain, and it seems that you've got a lot of work keeping Martin on the right track. Mine all appeared as results of various things that have happened to me, mainly involving heavy blows to the head or major crisies. There was a time last year when lots of people I know, most of which I would call friends, and two of which I would call good friends, died. I suppose that's what happens when most of your friends are retired (Brass bands, Amateur radio, etc. don't really appeal to the younger crowd down here!). I lost about 10 friends last year, about 5 of those in a single month (including the two good friends). I felt really fed-up. I didn't want to get out of bed in the mornings, I was lethargic, not eating properly, and started to wonder if I was cursed or something. Then Kahnij appeared and nothing affected me any more. I just got on with what had to be done, didn't think about it while I had stuff to do. Kahnij is kinda like a coping mechanism I suppose.

DHW was the coping mechanism for everyone beating the c**p out of me at school. After a few months, so much as saying the wrong thing or threatening an attack would get you a face full of my fist. Most of the rest of me's keep DHW under control now, so he/she/it only comes up in emergencies nowadays.

I'm not too sure where the others came from. I think Crashland came from when I started my training sessions at 2.am. I go running, climbing, whatever I can find to do around Eastbourne.

Makes more sense now,

I have those, coping mechanisms, unfortunatly there comes times when martin has been having a go at DoctorMO and Fredrik do much that DoctorMO goes for a rest with diolian (probly play cards or somthing) and lets William control Martin for a while, this is not very pleasent to watch, and DoctorMO never normaly goes more than 10 meterforical meters away, but when he just disapears altogether, which has only happened twice, horrible and unpredictable things normaly happen.

All though my life I have been sneered for being diferent, if you met me you'd understand why, I stutter, I used to do it alot more than now, but kids never understand these things... one particula indervidual thought it would be funny when I was 11 to push me in a corner and try and beat me up (normaly my words (what I could say) would keep most vilionce at bay) and this indervidual had rather got on my nevers, so DoctorMO gave up and William just went nuts, broke his nose and was attacking his leg before anyone could come to his aid. I'm atualy suprised by how much respect I got from that one single act in my final year. I'm also astonsihed by how much crap I then put up with when in High School. I could have retalited at anyone who tried* to trip me up, or stabed me with compase, damb them.

I'm sure we can compare notes .

-- DoctorMO --

I'm pretty sure we could compare notes too!!!

I didn't notice you have too much of a stutter at the meet, but I can believe there being problems at school. Often when I get nervous, tired or stressed, I develop quite a stutter too, and of course being beaten up in the first place made me stutter quite a bit at senior school. Kids can be very unforgiving over stuff like that. Even when I was calm and talking normally, they would take the mick, and if they did it bad enough, it'd start all over again.

Most the time I'm in control when I fight, but there have been occasions (only a couple though) where I've gone beserk, broken noses, started throwing desks around and so forth. Again, I only tend to go beserk after a whack to the head.

After a few years, I went a bit crazy for a while. It was just like being Terminator. No matter how much anyon else hurt me, or whatever, I'd just punch them until they stopped.

I got stabbed on the way to school once. Not with a compass, but with a knife. It hurts like hell. It stings at first, then aches for days. I just patched myself up (I was pretty good at it by then!) nicked a new shirt and sweater from lost property. I never told my Mum. After a couple of years, they stopped believing that I was being picked on because I was different (I was an academic year ahead of my age group), but instead kept telling me that I must be provoking them somehow and that it must be somehow my fault because otherwise they'd have given up by now. Great way to find out you can't rely on your parents huh!!! That was partly the begining of my "Terminator" phase.

It's okay - I'm pretty human again now, although I often feel that I don't quite fit. Like there's too much in my head that keeps coming back, and that others might be able to tell. Maybe that's just a teenage paranoid thing - I don't know. It bugs though.

Lifson