h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You know what I really hate? Velociraptors. Those things are freakin' evil. It seems that in the 'Jurassic Park' movies the velociraptors are the most evil, cunning, creepy dinosaurs of all, the way they can jump and run really fast, you can't escape them. And that hideous screech they make creeps me out, too.

But enough about dinosaurs. What with the new year just beginning, the last thing we should be worrying ourselves about are vile, ferocious prehistoric monsters that enjoy mauling and eating people.

My New Year Resolution #1: Never accidentally date things '2007' for the first three months.
My New Year Resolution #2: Say more bad words.
My New Year Resolution #3: Set more stuff on fire. I love setting things on fire.
My New Year Resolution #4: Keep a record of every single book I read and movie I see. Also, I'm thinking of counting how many cups of coffee and tea I drink this year. I don't know why, it just seems like a good idea.

You know, I was thinking. The world would be a much better place if Superman was real. I mean, it would be so awesome if there really was a super-strong, flying, virtually indestructible superhero to always arrive just in time to save the day. Superman is awesome. Batman is pretty cool too, but he doesn't actually have superpowers, just gadgets and intelligence and strength etc, so he can still be killed. Spider-Man is also really great, but you can't beat Superman.

... if Superman *were* real.

I have a not-particularly-sane friend who's convinced that Raptorjesus is coming to save us all.

Oh, , that 'was' just slipped passed me. Sorry. I actually already noticed that before you pointed it out. I really hate how you can't edit journal entries.

My New Year Resolution #5: Stop confusing 'was' and 'were'.

Oh, dammit!!! Past! PAST!!!

No worries, just your friendly subjunctive police paying a call.

Why am I learning French? I can barley speak English.

Also, what the hell is Raptorjesus?

As a matter of practicality, I would be totally happy if Batman were real.
Your resolution #4 was mine a year or two ago. Didn't take

I'm not saying I have anything against Batman, he is really cool, but I'm just saying Superman is the best ever when you come down to it.

If you're interested, the coffee tally for '08 is three, with number four happening right now.

Superman is uninteresting, really. I mean, how hard is it to come up with a superhero who is ridiculously strong, ridiculously fast (as fast as The Flash, whose whose thing is being fast) and he can fly. I mean, it's just not that creative.

Hmph. Just as long as it's the Michael Keaton Batman. Not that stupid Adam West or George Clooney.

The Adam West Batman is the most comical. Where else do you see the word 'parffle'.

Our Lord and Saviour in the form of a velociraptor, as born out of a crazed (but imaginative) mind.

You are not the only one with this fear.

http://xkcd.com/87/