My theory on the universe
Posted Feb 20, 2008
I had this idea last night when I was in bed. What if the universe, which we believe to be a vast and infinite place that is the only place in existence with nothing outside it, is merely a complex component or an organism in a small splotch of mold or fungus that is growing on the surface of a piece of cheese or fruit that has been pushed back and lost in the back of a refrigerator in an even more unimaginably vast universe? And what is to us millions of billions of years that took us to come into existence is nothing but a couple weeks or so in this other world in which we are only a yucky spot on an old pear or something? Kind of makes you feel small and pointless, doesn't it?
How my life would be so much better
Posted Jan 14, 2008
I think that my life would be approximately 30% better if I owned a giant bunny. The other day I found this picture:
I honestly can't think of a better pet than one of those ing huge bunnies. I mean, just a regular bunny is unbearably adorable and cuddly, but one of them 20 pound bunnies would be all that times like, 12, by the estimates of my second grade education in mathmatics. I mean, to that bunny, my cat would be technically known as a 'light appetizer'. It could eat heads of lettuce like they were Brussels sprouts. Sure, it could probably also eat a baby, but that's just a small price to pay to have an adorable giant bunny. I would much rather have a giant bunny than a child. I wonder if it would sleep in my bed with me? Also, it would be fun to take it for walks in the park. And then people would be like, 'Holy , that dude has a giant bunny!' And then everyone in town would know me as the guy with a giant bunny. I would probably name him something like 'Herbert'. And if I could teach him to dance or something, I could get totally rich and famous for having a dancing giant bunny. I could probably take him on Letterman or something. That would be awesome.
My dream job
Posted Jan 13, 2008
I think that probably the best job in the world would be a lift operator, you know, like in a department store or apartment building or something. This is an attractive occupation to me mostly because I would get to wear one of those sweet-awesome red uniforms with the little hat and the coat with brass buttons. Unfortunately, lift operators are a dying breed because what with all this new-fangled technology, they've invented lifts with the big light-up buttons so the people can reach their desired floor without assistance. I just read that there are pretty much two buildings in the US that still have manually operated elevators that employ attendants. Some place in Minnesota and some place in New York. However, they are apparently common in Japan, but that's not much use to me.
In the building where the library at which I am currently employed is temporarily located due to construction work on the actual library building, there is an old manual elevator. This is actually the first old time elevator I have seen in real life. It's got the doors you pull open and a little lever thing to make it move. I've used it a couple times, it's pretty cool. It's a little confusing because sometimes I can't quite remember how to properly close the doors, I'm never certain that I've latched it right.
Do lift operators get tipped? I'm not sure. That would be another perk. I bet that those red uniforms have lots of little pockets in which to place your tips. I also love coats with neat little pockets hidden away.
Here, I just found this:
This is one of my favourite segments from The Late Late Show:
Posted Jan 1, 2008
You know what I really hate? Velociraptors. Those things are freakin' evil. It seems that in the 'Jurassic Park' movies the velociraptors are the most evil, cunning, creepy dinosaurs of all, the way they can jump and run really fast, you can't escape them. And that hideous screech they make creeps me out, too.
But enough about dinosaurs. What with the new year just beginning, the last thing we should be worrying ourselves about are vile, ferocious prehistoric monsters that enjoy mauling and eating people.
My New Year Resolution #1: Never accidentally date things '2007' for the first three months.
My New Year Resolution #2: Say more bad words.
My New Year Resolution #3: Set more stuff on fire. I love setting things on fire.
My New Year Resolution #4: Keep a record of every single book I read and movie I see. Also, I'm thinking of counting how many cups of coffee and tea I drink this year. I don't know why, it just seems like a good idea.
You know, I was thinking. The world would be a much better place if Superman was real. I mean, it would be so awesome if there really was a super-strong, flying, virtually indestructible superhero to always arrive just in time to save the day. Superman is awesome. Batman is pretty cool too, but he doesn't actually have superpowers, just gadgets and intelligence and strength etc, so he can still be killed. Spider-Man is also really great, but you can't beat Superman.
My email account hurts my feelings
Posted Dec 31, 2007
My Yahoo account has this strange habit: it lies to me.
Now, I was always under the impression that computers never lie. And, like HAL, that they never make mistakes. But often my email account will tell me that I have, say, 1 New Message. I will then go to my Inbox and there will be NO new messages. It lies to me by saying this on the Yahoo homepage in that little box. It also does this when I log onto Yahoo Messenger and a little thing will pop up if supposedly have new mail.
This is heartbreaking because whenever I see in that little box on the homepage or the little thing that appears, it gets my hopes up because it means that someone cares enough about me to send me a message. I love that nice small, but bold, blue font that says 1 (sometimes 2, but this is rare) New Message, or the little Doot! sound the pop up thing makes when I log onto Messenger. But then I'm sad when it turns out to be a lie.
A while back, with a different account, I had a similar situation when it would say I have new mail and it would turn out to be worthless junk mail. This was mainly irritating because this was back in the day when I had crap dial-up connection and I would sometimes have to wait ten minutes, and possibly several disconnections, to recieve a stupid advertisement.
New Year's Eve is always the most depressing holiday to me. This is mostly because we pretty much do nothing on this day. Like, it always turns out to be gloomy weather and a boring day otherwise and we just sit in the dark (we're solar/wind powered, so we must conserve battery charge. My dad's a real stickler for this) eating plain, cold oatmeal. And it's usually slightly undercooked. The one thing I hate, possibly more than Hitler or 'The Brady Bunch', is undercooked food like potatoes or rice or pasta or whatever. I absolutley can't tolerate it. Anyway, last year I don't think I even stayed up to midnight to watch the ball in Times Square fall, I just went to bed and 10.30 or 11.00, I was so depressed. But tonight we're going to watch DVDs of 'Stardust' and 'The Shining'.
Happy Freakin' New Year.